Many of us will remember “Stop, Look and Listen, - what we now, as adults, more fully realize was sage advice of our early teachers – parents, other caregivers, and school teachers. Usually this advice pertained to concerns about crossing any surface which might carry traffic of road vehicles or trains.
Some of us were given the same advice by spiritual teachers, particularly those who were guiding us in living an intentional life which requires us to practice being as fully present as is humanly possible.
Often, I talk to someone who has moved from a stage in their life dance which seemed to have a clear purpose to a stage which seems devoid of purpose or direction. This may be because of age, a medical condition, some other brain dysfunction, a career or job loss, or a natural disaster which has stolen the life of an entire community. For some people retirement can result in such an existential crisis. Many of we humans may have relied on a busy career, an “important” leadership position or the daily role of parent to children who were dependent on us to give us a clear sense of purpose every day.
I have friends who were very physically active as children until a disease such as polio limited their movement to a wheelchair or even a more limited range of movement from a bed.
At times, even though all of us who are physically, mentally and emotionally abled have periods in our life when it does not feel as if we much to offer others. We may even tell ourselves that we have nothing to offer others. We might feel as if we might as well be dead.
This morning while listening to a Ted Talk by Martin Pistorius entitled How my mind came back to life – and no one knewposted in October of 2015 I was again reminded of how much we affect and are affected by others. Mr. Pistorius talks about the loss of power to communicate, move about or direct any part of his life following a brain infection at age 12. There were many times when he could not envision any purpose for his ongoing existence. He talks of one day in particular:
“There were many moments when I gave up, sinking into a dark abyss. I remember one particularly low moment. My dad left me alone in the car while he quickly went to buy something from the store. A random stranger walked past, looked at me and he smiled. I may never know why, but that simple act, the fleeting moment of human connection, transformed how I was feeling, making me want to keep going.”
The person who smiled probably never knew of the impact of that smile. Perhaps he or she was not even conscious of smiling. Yet, that one simple friendly connective gesture was all Mr. Pistorius needed to keep going that day.
He tells another story of an aroma therapist who arrived “awake” for her job. He recounts:
“An aromatherapist began coming to the care home about once a week. Whether through intuition or her attention to details that others failed to notice, she became convinced that I could understand what was being said. She urged my parents to have me tested by experts in augmentative and alternative communication. And within a year, I was beginning to use a computer program to communicate. It was exhilarating, but frustrating at times. I had so many words in my mind, that I couldn't wait to be able to share them. Sometimes, I would say things to myself simply because I could. In myself, I had a ready audience, and I believed that by expressing my thoughts and wishes, others would listen, too.”
From a life which seemed useless, cut off, without value and a burden to his family he has morphed, step-by-step, into:
“A husband, a son, a friend, a brother, a business owner, a first-class honors graduate, a keen amateur photographer.”
He states: “It is my ability to communicate that has given me all this.”
Communication, as we know and as Mr. Pistorius reminds us, requires that at least one person takes the risk of being “seen/heard/felt” and at least one person takes the risk of “seeing, hearing, feeling”. The aroma therapist thought that she “saw” something that others had missed. She trusted her perception and took action to do what she could to insure that the requisite testing/verification occurred.
One of the stories or articles in the Tampa Bay Times today (July 6, 2016) discussed the seeming difference in response to terrorist attacks in places such as Brussels and Paris and those in places such as Turkey, Iraq, and Bangladesh which are predominantly Muslim counties. There may be many factors which seem to “explain” the lack of outrage if an attack occurs in a country which is predominantly Muslim or which has a recent history of ongoing violence. It appears that the lack of outrage communicates lack of concern. The seeming lack of concern leaves an impression on those who live in predominantly Muslim countries.
It is easy for us to forget that every intentional and unintentional action (which may be an inaction) potentially has a very powerful effect on others. It is easy for this human to get self-absorbed, focused on a task or mission and “forget” that a person or persons is going to “read’ my smile or lack of smile, my good morning or lack of good morning just as I might “read” theirs. Obviously if I consciously knew that a smile could literally give a person a reason to live another day I would not withhold that smile. If I consciously knew that honoring my “intuitive” sense that something is off with someone or something could save or rescue a life today I would not fail to take action.
As every parent or childcare person knows a person can cross a street a 1000 times without getting struck down by a speeding vehicle. It is that 1001 time when one does not “stop, look and listen” that the speeding vehicle will end the life of that person and the life of the person speeding as they have known it.
For today, Mr. Pistorius will remind me to be more intentional and show up with love instead of just focusing on a task; to respond to a terrorist bombing no matter where it happens with the knowledge that a part of me has been terrorized. For today I will remind myself of the six degrees of separation – that my action or inaction will affect an enormous number of people. I have no idea of how many people to date “heard” the Ted Talk by Mr. Pistorius and how many, like me, shared that powerful story with others who shared it with others who shared it with … I do know it numbers in the thousands or millions.
My only “purpose” may be to change the world with a simple smile or some other seemingly “small” gesture today.
Written July 6, 2016