Success?
I was listening to a report on NPR this morning which reported a study in a very prestigious New England community high school where a majority if the students are taking honors or college classes and are headed to some of the colleges which graduate many of the leaders in government and the private sector. These are the young people who are slated to be elected to public office, become CEOs or CFO, and “successful” entrepreneurs. Yet, the study found that the rate of substance abuse, anxiety and depression is as high in this school as it is in many inner-city schools where it would seem that the daily life stressors are much higher. As a result of the study the school is exploring additional counselors, reducing pressure to participate in so many extra-circular activities and providing other resources to help students cope more effectively. Only near the end of the report did they discuss the option of helping students redefine success. One young woman, for example, talked of following her passion of attending culinary arts school to become a baker. She seemed to feel okay with the fact that she would not be living the same lifestyle as her parents.
Certainly, when I was a high school student there was pressure on many to “do better than one’s parents”. This generally meant to do better financially and to get an occupation or career which allowed one upward mobility in all areas of life. I was pretty much protected from such expectations since it was assumed that I would not amount to much or at least that is the message I heard from my parents and school personnel. No one suggested that college should be a goal. Yet, I felt a lot of pressure from the culture at large to succeed. Success was identified with financial success. I do not recall that I had expectations of becoming rich, famous or the CEO of a Fortune 500 companies. (At that time, I had little to no awareness of such companies although I had heard of the Melons, Rockefellers, Carnegie’s, Fords and others.) No one we knew had obtained such success although some cousins did also eventually attend college. One or two even lived in a large home in a very “prestigious” communities.
Even though our family was not very religious some of us children did attend a very conservative Christian Church which impressed on us that success in this life journey was directly related to the number of sin points one accumulated. This often resulted in acute stress since one secretly always knew one was accumulating many sins points and headed to hell for eternity. That is a terrible burden to give to one’s children. Yet, no matter how shaming and stressful this pressure there was an underlying message that success had to do with how we treated ourselves and each other. Of course, there were many who were excluded from equal, kind treatment – people of different religions, cultures, races, sexual orientations and other apparently unrepentant sinners. Yet, as has been pointed out by many, out of that very cruel, exclusive “Christian” club came not only some of the unhealthiest people, but also some of the most courageous leaders for social justice.
The Martin Luther Kings and many other strong leaders for social justice lived and worshiped alongside of those who used the religious leadership to amass external wealth and often to abuse others emotionally, physically and sexually.
Moral success – feeling as if one is living a life which one daily attempts to align with one’s status as a sacred part of the sacred whole – move one toward internal peace and satisfaction. This does not mean that one is exempt from long work days, feeling discouraged, meeting deadlines or other sources of stress.
Success which depends on finances, prestige and other externals is never enough. As is true for any addictive behavior the goal is more.
One again I find myself wondering if we need to introduce moral philosophy as a primary and required subject beginning in pre-school to ensure that our children at least question the meaning and purpose of success.
Written June 11, 2018
I was listening to a report on NPR this morning which reported a study in a very prestigious New England community high school where a majority if the students are taking honors or college classes and are headed to some of the colleges which graduate many of the leaders in government and the private sector. These are the young people who are slated to be elected to public office, become CEOs or CFO, and “successful” entrepreneurs. Yet, the study found that the rate of substance abuse, anxiety and depression is as high in this school as it is in many inner-city schools where it would seem that the daily life stressors are much higher. As a result of the study the school is exploring additional counselors, reducing pressure to participate in so many extra-circular activities and providing other resources to help students cope more effectively. Only near the end of the report did they discuss the option of helping students redefine success. One young woman, for example, talked of following her passion of attending culinary arts school to become a baker. She seemed to feel okay with the fact that she would not be living the same lifestyle as her parents.
Certainly, when I was a high school student there was pressure on many to “do better than one’s parents”. This generally meant to do better financially and to get an occupation or career which allowed one upward mobility in all areas of life. I was pretty much protected from such expectations since it was assumed that I would not amount to much or at least that is the message I heard from my parents and school personnel. No one suggested that college should be a goal. Yet, I felt a lot of pressure from the culture at large to succeed. Success was identified with financial success. I do not recall that I had expectations of becoming rich, famous or the CEO of a Fortune 500 companies. (At that time, I had little to no awareness of such companies although I had heard of the Melons, Rockefellers, Carnegie’s, Fords and others.) No one we knew had obtained such success although some cousins did also eventually attend college. One or two even lived in a large home in a very “prestigious” communities.
Even though our family was not very religious some of us children did attend a very conservative Christian Church which impressed on us that success in this life journey was directly related to the number of sin points one accumulated. This often resulted in acute stress since one secretly always knew one was accumulating many sins points and headed to hell for eternity. That is a terrible burden to give to one’s children. Yet, no matter how shaming and stressful this pressure there was an underlying message that success had to do with how we treated ourselves and each other. Of course, there were many who were excluded from equal, kind treatment – people of different religions, cultures, races, sexual orientations and other apparently unrepentant sinners. Yet, as has been pointed out by many, out of that very cruel, exclusive “Christian” club came not only some of the unhealthiest people, but also some of the most courageous leaders for social justice.
The Martin Luther Kings and many other strong leaders for social justice lived and worshiped alongside of those who used the religious leadership to amass external wealth and often to abuse others emotionally, physically and sexually.
Moral success – feeling as if one is living a life which one daily attempts to align with one’s status as a sacred part of the sacred whole – move one toward internal peace and satisfaction. This does not mean that one is exempt from long work days, feeling discouraged, meeting deadlines or other sources of stress.
Success which depends on finances, prestige and other externals is never enough. As is true for any addictive behavior the goal is more.
One again I find myself wondering if we need to introduce moral philosophy as a primary and required subject beginning in pre-school to ensure that our children at least question the meaning and purpose of success.
Written June 11, 2018
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