Suffering!
Even though I am not a member of a 12-step program all of my readers are well aware that I daily use the framework of the 12 steps to work towards a spiritual center.
Daily, sometimes hourly, I am reminded of the first step of the 12-Steps. Although the first step for those in recovery initially focuses on the fact that once one engages in addictive behavior one is powerless to control one’s addictive choices, all of us have to come to terms with the fact that we are powerless over other people, places and things.
Every major religion or spiritual philosophy reminds one to take responsibility for one’s choices and to surrender to one’s powerlessness. The Jewish-Buddhist teacher and Psychotherapist, Sylvia Boorstein, and the host of Oh Being, Krista Tippett, in their conversation on May 9, 2019 suggest that suffering almost always has to do with our struggle with what is beyond our control. Individuals such as Steve Levine have long taught those with even severe chronic physical pain that if one will allow themselves to be with the pain rather than fighting it they will experience less physical pain. That pain which remains can be more effectively treated without numbing one to the extent that one cannot be present.
The purpose of pain is to let us know that something is amiss. In the case of chronic pain, one cannot be cured of the pain. Thus, rather than tensing up and fighting the pain one needs to simply say “Thank you.” to one’s body and let it know it does not need to do anything else. One eventually can learn to just notice it without labeling it as acute, good, bad or any other label. It just is. The same principle applies to all events in our life which results in suffering. An event happen which may or may not involve something another person did or did not do; something breaking; an event such as a storm, power outage, or car problem. Illness and even death visits; I get attached to my schedule and then the alarm does not go off, the coffee pot does not work, a family member or other friends needs a listening ear, a child is sick, or one’s wi-fi quits working. Immediately I openly or silently label the event as terrible, a catastrophe, unfair, or in some other way indicate it is a big deal. Big deals demand immediate, remedial action. Very often there is no immediate action or any action at all which will remedy the situation. Getting angry will not keep one’s partner from dying, a politician (sometimes called a terrorist) from acting in a way which one thinks is disastrous, get the power outage repaired quicker, or even summon the muse when one is writing. As soon as one labels an event as negative or disastrous one tenses thus causing great or greater physical and emotional discomfort. Obviously if one has just had an accident or have been captured and am being tortured there is physical pain. Yet, even then there are those who can teach themselves to be with pain and to move towards a sort of relaxation which decreased the suffering. (Torture is still torture.)
Even knowing one is powerless often does not stop the suffering. One may still be fearful, angry, or in some other way refusing to accept and be okay with the fact that one is powerless. I am not suggesting that any of us, certainly not this human, are ever going to attain spiritual perfection and immediately with every situation relax and accept that one has no control. Yet, one can begin to practice noticing when one. blames other people, places or things for the suffering. People or events do often cause pain but never suffering. Letting go of the struggle with what is will allow one to be present with the event or situation as it is. This does not mean that one is. devoid of feeling. One does not want to avoid sadness or other similar feelings. Neither does one want to label the sadness more than sadness or feed the idea that one cannot stand or live with an event. One may not want to live with an event but one can do so and alongside of the pain often find much joy and often comfort. People go to wakes or other similar events because it feels good in the midst of grief to share with and comfort each other. Very few of us has to be alone when we are struggling. Even those kept in isolation in prisons can received loving, supportive letters.
Today I will smile at my need to “work” a step one many times. I will notice, without judgement, when I blame other people, places and things for my suffering.
Written May 10, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickettjf.org
Even though I am not a member of a 12-step program all of my readers are well aware that I daily use the framework of the 12 steps to work towards a spiritual center.
Daily, sometimes hourly, I am reminded of the first step of the 12-Steps. Although the first step for those in recovery initially focuses on the fact that once one engages in addictive behavior one is powerless to control one’s addictive choices, all of us have to come to terms with the fact that we are powerless over other people, places and things.
Every major religion or spiritual philosophy reminds one to take responsibility for one’s choices and to surrender to one’s powerlessness. The Jewish-Buddhist teacher and Psychotherapist, Sylvia Boorstein, and the host of Oh Being, Krista Tippett, in their conversation on May 9, 2019 suggest that suffering almost always has to do with our struggle with what is beyond our control. Individuals such as Steve Levine have long taught those with even severe chronic physical pain that if one will allow themselves to be with the pain rather than fighting it they will experience less physical pain. That pain which remains can be more effectively treated without numbing one to the extent that one cannot be present.
The purpose of pain is to let us know that something is amiss. In the case of chronic pain, one cannot be cured of the pain. Thus, rather than tensing up and fighting the pain one needs to simply say “Thank you.” to one’s body and let it know it does not need to do anything else. One eventually can learn to just notice it without labeling it as acute, good, bad or any other label. It just is. The same principle applies to all events in our life which results in suffering. An event happen which may or may not involve something another person did or did not do; something breaking; an event such as a storm, power outage, or car problem. Illness and even death visits; I get attached to my schedule and then the alarm does not go off, the coffee pot does not work, a family member or other friends needs a listening ear, a child is sick, or one’s wi-fi quits working. Immediately I openly or silently label the event as terrible, a catastrophe, unfair, or in some other way indicate it is a big deal. Big deals demand immediate, remedial action. Very often there is no immediate action or any action at all which will remedy the situation. Getting angry will not keep one’s partner from dying, a politician (sometimes called a terrorist) from acting in a way which one thinks is disastrous, get the power outage repaired quicker, or even summon the muse when one is writing. As soon as one labels an event as negative or disastrous one tenses thus causing great or greater physical and emotional discomfort. Obviously if one has just had an accident or have been captured and am being tortured there is physical pain. Yet, even then there are those who can teach themselves to be with pain and to move towards a sort of relaxation which decreased the suffering. (Torture is still torture.)
Even knowing one is powerless often does not stop the suffering. One may still be fearful, angry, or in some other way refusing to accept and be okay with the fact that one is powerless. I am not suggesting that any of us, certainly not this human, are ever going to attain spiritual perfection and immediately with every situation relax and accept that one has no control. Yet, one can begin to practice noticing when one. blames other people, places or things for the suffering. People or events do often cause pain but never suffering. Letting go of the struggle with what is will allow one to be present with the event or situation as it is. This does not mean that one is. devoid of feeling. One does not want to avoid sadness or other similar feelings. Neither does one want to label the sadness more than sadness or feed the idea that one cannot stand or live with an event. One may not want to live with an event but one can do so and alongside of the pain often find much joy and often comfort. People go to wakes or other similar events because it feels good in the midst of grief to share with and comfort each other. Very few of us has to be alone when we are struggling. Even those kept in isolation in prisons can received loving, supportive letters.
Today I will smile at my need to “work” a step one many times. I will notice, without judgement, when I blame other people, places and things for my suffering.
Written May 10, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickettjf.org
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