Sunday Musings – April 18, 2021
Be safe
Daily I talk with individuals who are well into their adult years, but who are still reacting to life events as if they are a helpless child depended on a parent or parent figure who are unable to protect them. When a stimulus is repeatedly paired with a sound, feeling, sight, object or smell one learns to react to that stimulus in a self-protective manner. War veterans, those who have lived with a violent spouse, or another emotionally and/or physically violent person have learned to be very self-protective. Often the stimulus becomes generalized to a wide variety of triggers.
Additionally, there are those who maintain that all of us carry historical trauma in our bodies. If one lives with current trauma this just adds to what is already stored. Resmma Menakem discusses this in depth in his book My Grandmother’s Hands. In this life journey we can experience more trauma which is the direct result of the behavior of others. Four months into this calendar year in the United States there have been 150 mass shootings in the United States resulting in 148 deaths and 485 total wounded. This does not include the combat related deaths, those who live with daily domestic violence, addiction, mental illness, racism or a host of other traumatic situations. Recently I talked with a person whose mother would lock he and his brother in a room all day with just a bucket for a toilet. He learned that home was not safe, adults were not to be trusted and showing vulnerability was not allowed. He does not know the history of trauma his mother brought to her role as parent.
I have never talked to a black man in this culture, regardless of education, professio who has not experienced being harassed by police and learning the police are to be feared. I have never talked to a black parent who did not daily worry about the safely of their child.
It is no wonder that so many feel as if they cannot bear the pain of this life journey. It is a wonder that so many of all races and backgrounds manage, in spite of their history of trauma, to walk tall and proud; to create safe and loving homes for their families; to become creative change agents for the community.
The good news is that most of us can create a loving circle of healing people who encourage each other; love each other unconditionally and share resources such as the exercises therapists such as Resmma Menakem recommend.
We are all the walking wounded but not everyone knows the source of their wounds, Many have perfected the art of arrogance, ignorance, numbness, isolation, or angry self-righteousness. Many are attached to these masks under which they hide their pain.
I saw a video of a police officer harassing and physically threading a black man whom he said did not belong is his neighborhood. Yet, I also noted I know nothing of the pain and fear which the police officer carries in the cells holding up the well-toned muscles. The manicured lawns and well-tended houses in the “nice” neighborhood and his role as a police officer told us nothing of the fear of not being enough which underlies his racism. Many of us carefully mold our worth on the backs of the myths we feed ourselves. Trauma and fear often lead one to believe that they only have worth if they are better than, stronger that, have more guns than, live in a more polished cage or have perfected the art of superior distain.
I said to the young man who was abused as a child. “We are adults now. We can creates our safe healing circles of love and healing. It is safe to trust until we find a reason to not trust. It is safe to let loved ones see our pain and our joy.
We can create safe havens regardless of religious beliefs or other constructs which provide a sense of community. We do not have to keep enslaving each other in the stored traumas. In safe havens we can be unconditionally loved and cared for. a Not everyone is going to hurt us. If one is black one may not be able to find a safe haven on the streets or even in many churches, but one can create new institutions which welcome the god of one’s understanding or no god but the goodness of love and healing. We can create a dance which releases the pain. We are adults. We can claim our freedom. We are. We are. We are.
Written April 18, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Be safe
Daily I talk with individuals who are well into their adult years, but who are still reacting to life events as if they are a helpless child depended on a parent or parent figure who are unable to protect them. When a stimulus is repeatedly paired with a sound, feeling, sight, object or smell one learns to react to that stimulus in a self-protective manner. War veterans, those who have lived with a violent spouse, or another emotionally and/or physically violent person have learned to be very self-protective. Often the stimulus becomes generalized to a wide variety of triggers.
Additionally, there are those who maintain that all of us carry historical trauma in our bodies. If one lives with current trauma this just adds to what is already stored. Resmma Menakem discusses this in depth in his book My Grandmother’s Hands. In this life journey we can experience more trauma which is the direct result of the behavior of others. Four months into this calendar year in the United States there have been 150 mass shootings in the United States resulting in 148 deaths and 485 total wounded. This does not include the combat related deaths, those who live with daily domestic violence, addiction, mental illness, racism or a host of other traumatic situations. Recently I talked with a person whose mother would lock he and his brother in a room all day with just a bucket for a toilet. He learned that home was not safe, adults were not to be trusted and showing vulnerability was not allowed. He does not know the history of trauma his mother brought to her role as parent.
I have never talked to a black man in this culture, regardless of education, professio who has not experienced being harassed by police and learning the police are to be feared. I have never talked to a black parent who did not daily worry about the safely of their child.
It is no wonder that so many feel as if they cannot bear the pain of this life journey. It is a wonder that so many of all races and backgrounds manage, in spite of their history of trauma, to walk tall and proud; to create safe and loving homes for their families; to become creative change agents for the community.
The good news is that most of us can create a loving circle of healing people who encourage each other; love each other unconditionally and share resources such as the exercises therapists such as Resmma Menakem recommend.
We are all the walking wounded but not everyone knows the source of their wounds, Many have perfected the art of arrogance, ignorance, numbness, isolation, or angry self-righteousness. Many are attached to these masks under which they hide their pain.
I saw a video of a police officer harassing and physically threading a black man whom he said did not belong is his neighborhood. Yet, I also noted I know nothing of the pain and fear which the police officer carries in the cells holding up the well-toned muscles. The manicured lawns and well-tended houses in the “nice” neighborhood and his role as a police officer told us nothing of the fear of not being enough which underlies his racism. Many of us carefully mold our worth on the backs of the myths we feed ourselves. Trauma and fear often lead one to believe that they only have worth if they are better than, stronger that, have more guns than, live in a more polished cage or have perfected the art of superior distain.
I said to the young man who was abused as a child. “We are adults now. We can creates our safe healing circles of love and healing. It is safe to trust until we find a reason to not trust. It is safe to let loved ones see our pain and our joy.
We can create safe havens regardless of religious beliefs or other constructs which provide a sense of community. We do not have to keep enslaving each other in the stored traumas. In safe havens we can be unconditionally loved and cared for. a Not everyone is going to hurt us. If one is black one may not be able to find a safe haven on the streets or even in many churches, but one can create new institutions which welcome the god of one’s understanding or no god but the goodness of love and healing. We can create a dance which releases the pain. We are adults. We can claim our freedom. We are. We are. We are.
Written April 18, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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