Sunday Musings – April 7, 2024
If one attends 12 step meetings such as AA, NA, OA, SA, GA or any other, one may often hear the phase “life on life’s terms
Frequently, the recovering addict shares that prior to recovery they they did not feel a part of; experiencing life as too painful and meaningless for them to live like other people. They were, essentially, spiritually dead; unable to find connection or purpose. They report the first time they felt okay was when they got drunk or high from a drug, food, sex, power, or something else outside of themselves. With other addicts they felt as if they had found a place they belonged. Family, partners, children, financial commitments to anyone other than their drug of choice had to take a back seat. The rights and needs of others could not be a consideration. Facing life on life’s terms was not an option.
Those of us do not live with active addiction or some other mental illness can usually ignore tiredness, mild illness, or other uncomfortable feelings and force ourselves to parent, go to work, perform a tedious, even seemingly stupid task, deal with the death of a loved one, the betrayal of a partner, economic stress, or other life events even when we feel like going back to bed or running away. Day by day we may complain but we do what needs to be done. We may procrastinate on some tasks which do not demand immediate attention but eventually we face what needs to be done. This may not include cleaning out the attic, basement, and closets before we die.
The person who suffers from a disabling mental illness such as addiction, depression, panic disorder or any reality which is far removed from a shared reality, may not be able to perform the simplest tasks or to consider the needs and rights of others. They are disconnected from their own moral/ethical values. They are unable to perform essential daily tasks. The key word here is unable; often unable to access their core moral values; unable to find the energy to move off the couch or arise from the recliner; unable to care for their sick child; unable to care about the life of the person who has access to the drug which will allow them a few minutes of peace; unable to do without that drug which will add another pound on top of the 300 which already makes every step painful; tunable to stop themselves from violating the vow to stop the insanity of their life; unable to consider the rights of another with whom they want to be sexually intimate.
For most of us, life on life terms, means that we have access to core values; to the ability to decide on behavior which allows us to live with some degree of integrity. Since this is possible for us, we may assume that those who do not consider the rights and needs of others or even their own needs are “bad” or “sinful” people. Many may suggest the person who is a thief, or an abuser of others is evil, without hearts or decency.
Most of us do not want to face the possibility that we will ever be unable to exercise free will; to make choices which align with our core values. We are frighted of the possibility that we could behave like “those people”. Some of us are, however, at that age when dementia is visiting some of our friends who are now in “memory care homes” or nursing homes; unable to care for themselves or others physically or mentally. Some of us might have family members whose ability to live life on life’s terms has been stolen by some form of mental illness.
Some with mental illness can be restored to sanity; to the ability to daily make decisions to live in a way which honors the sacredness of the life of all people or most people, Sometimes a combination of surgery, medication, therapy or a self-help group such as a 12 step groups can release a person from the chains of active addiction or other mental illness; to allow them to live life on life’s terms. Some cannot be thus restored.
As Christians who trust in unconditional love; as Muslims who fast and pray seeking a path to forgiveness and wholeness; as Jews who trust the miracle of Passover, as humans witnessing new life arising out of the seeming death of winter, we are powerless over our human fragility; our walk on the thin beam of shared reality. We know we need to walk with each other; to drop the labels of evil, bad, criminal, uncaring and find ways to lovingly care for those of us unable to live life on life’s terms; unable to access our shared sacredness.
Just for today if we are blessed to be able to live life on life’s terms, we could be grateful and forego judgment of those unable to do so. Tomorrow we may be that person unable to live life on life’s terms.
Written April 7, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
If one attends 12 step meetings such as AA, NA, OA, SA, GA or any other, one may often hear the phase “life on life’s terms
Frequently, the recovering addict shares that prior to recovery they they did not feel a part of; experiencing life as too painful and meaningless for them to live like other people. They were, essentially, spiritually dead; unable to find connection or purpose. They report the first time they felt okay was when they got drunk or high from a drug, food, sex, power, or something else outside of themselves. With other addicts they felt as if they had found a place they belonged. Family, partners, children, financial commitments to anyone other than their drug of choice had to take a back seat. The rights and needs of others could not be a consideration. Facing life on life’s terms was not an option.
Those of us do not live with active addiction or some other mental illness can usually ignore tiredness, mild illness, or other uncomfortable feelings and force ourselves to parent, go to work, perform a tedious, even seemingly stupid task, deal with the death of a loved one, the betrayal of a partner, economic stress, or other life events even when we feel like going back to bed or running away. Day by day we may complain but we do what needs to be done. We may procrastinate on some tasks which do not demand immediate attention but eventually we face what needs to be done. This may not include cleaning out the attic, basement, and closets before we die.
The person who suffers from a disabling mental illness such as addiction, depression, panic disorder or any reality which is far removed from a shared reality, may not be able to perform the simplest tasks or to consider the needs and rights of others. They are disconnected from their own moral/ethical values. They are unable to perform essential daily tasks. The key word here is unable; often unable to access their core moral values; unable to find the energy to move off the couch or arise from the recliner; unable to care for their sick child; unable to care about the life of the person who has access to the drug which will allow them a few minutes of peace; unable to do without that drug which will add another pound on top of the 300 which already makes every step painful; tunable to stop themselves from violating the vow to stop the insanity of their life; unable to consider the rights of another with whom they want to be sexually intimate.
For most of us, life on life terms, means that we have access to core values; to the ability to decide on behavior which allows us to live with some degree of integrity. Since this is possible for us, we may assume that those who do not consider the rights and needs of others or even their own needs are “bad” or “sinful” people. Many may suggest the person who is a thief, or an abuser of others is evil, without hearts or decency.
Most of us do not want to face the possibility that we will ever be unable to exercise free will; to make choices which align with our core values. We are frighted of the possibility that we could behave like “those people”. Some of us are, however, at that age when dementia is visiting some of our friends who are now in “memory care homes” or nursing homes; unable to care for themselves or others physically or mentally. Some of us might have family members whose ability to live life on life’s terms has been stolen by some form of mental illness.
Some with mental illness can be restored to sanity; to the ability to daily make decisions to live in a way which honors the sacredness of the life of all people or most people, Sometimes a combination of surgery, medication, therapy or a self-help group such as a 12 step groups can release a person from the chains of active addiction or other mental illness; to allow them to live life on life’s terms. Some cannot be thus restored.
As Christians who trust in unconditional love; as Muslims who fast and pray seeking a path to forgiveness and wholeness; as Jews who trust the miracle of Passover, as humans witnessing new life arising out of the seeming death of winter, we are powerless over our human fragility; our walk on the thin beam of shared reality. We know we need to walk with each other; to drop the labels of evil, bad, criminal, uncaring and find ways to lovingly care for those of us unable to live life on life’s terms; unable to access our shared sacredness.
Just for today if we are blessed to be able to live life on life’s terms, we could be grateful and forego judgment of those unable to do so. Tomorrow we may be that person unable to live life on life’s terms.
Written April 7, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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