Sunday Musings - April 8, 2018
A matter of choice?
Here in Wheeling, West Virginia the day dawns sunny with temperatures just below freezing. All week winter and spring have continued their wrestling match, although spring has announced that it will win by the end of the week.
Despite frequent below freezing temperatures the forsythia and other spring flowers are pushing forth.
Earlier today, I was listening to the latest Ear Hustle podcast from San Quintin prison. The program today was focused on the concept of restorative justice featuring a man serving time in prison for trafficking/pimping and a woman who had been trafficked. Both of these people had been sexually and otherwise abused at young ages. Part of their conversation centered around the concept of choice. Could the man who trafficked have chosen a different path? He believes, even today, that he had a choice and could have chosen a different path. The woman who had been trafficked disagreed even though she is able at this point in her life to make the choice of promoting and living the concept of restorative justice.
The question of choice is often framed as free will I have previously explored this subject in my writing.
Research clearly shows that addictions change the brain creating an obsessive desire to engage in the same behavior over and over again. If one has an addiction, that first drink or other addictive behavior sets off the obsession to continue the behavior. Growing up with elders who have addictive behavior may teach one that is a normal choice although there are those who grow up in such an environment who never engage in the addictive behavior or may choose a socially acceptable addictive behavior. Addictive work behavior is one of those.
If one grows up with at least one emotionally healthy elder/mentor who may or may not be a biological family member, one has a greater chance of staying emotionally connected with oneself. If, however, one is not around anyone with whom it is safe to stay emotionally connected one’s chances are slim to none. In order to survive abuse – physical, sexual or verbal – one needs to be able to shut down emotionally with oneself and others. Depending on the age one learns to do this one may or not learn how to reconnect with one’s one emotions and, thus with others. If one has used an addictive substance to help one stay emotionally numb, one will not reconnect unless and until one has quit using and gotten help from a self-help group, therapy or another source.
If one has learned to shut down emotionally one is on Maslow’s basic survival level of the pyramid leading to self-actualization. At that level one will use whatever tools one has available and has learned to. One does not have the option of empathy.
The man who was on Ear Hustle said that because he believes he had a choice that he has no right to ask for forgiveness. The woman survivor disagrees with him saying that when he was abused choice was taken away from him.
The 12-step program of recovery does not claim that one will be forgiven by others if one works the steps of recovery, but it does suggest that all are deserving of a second (and third and fourth and …) chance. In the Christian tradition, the primary message of Easter, which in the Orthodox tradition is celebrated today. is one of forgiveness. Once one accepts forgiveness and connects with self emotionally one begins, I believe, to have the gift of choice, especially the choice of empathy which can then guide one in all interactions with others.
Written April 8, 2018
A matter of choice?
Here in Wheeling, West Virginia the day dawns sunny with temperatures just below freezing. All week winter and spring have continued their wrestling match, although spring has announced that it will win by the end of the week.
Despite frequent below freezing temperatures the forsythia and other spring flowers are pushing forth.
Earlier today, I was listening to the latest Ear Hustle podcast from San Quintin prison. The program today was focused on the concept of restorative justice featuring a man serving time in prison for trafficking/pimping and a woman who had been trafficked. Both of these people had been sexually and otherwise abused at young ages. Part of their conversation centered around the concept of choice. Could the man who trafficked have chosen a different path? He believes, even today, that he had a choice and could have chosen a different path. The woman who had been trafficked disagreed even though she is able at this point in her life to make the choice of promoting and living the concept of restorative justice.
The question of choice is often framed as free will I have previously explored this subject in my writing.
Research clearly shows that addictions change the brain creating an obsessive desire to engage in the same behavior over and over again. If one has an addiction, that first drink or other addictive behavior sets off the obsession to continue the behavior. Growing up with elders who have addictive behavior may teach one that is a normal choice although there are those who grow up in such an environment who never engage in the addictive behavior or may choose a socially acceptable addictive behavior. Addictive work behavior is one of those.
If one grows up with at least one emotionally healthy elder/mentor who may or may not be a biological family member, one has a greater chance of staying emotionally connected with oneself. If, however, one is not around anyone with whom it is safe to stay emotionally connected one’s chances are slim to none. In order to survive abuse – physical, sexual or verbal – one needs to be able to shut down emotionally with oneself and others. Depending on the age one learns to do this one may or not learn how to reconnect with one’s one emotions and, thus with others. If one has used an addictive substance to help one stay emotionally numb, one will not reconnect unless and until one has quit using and gotten help from a self-help group, therapy or another source.
If one has learned to shut down emotionally one is on Maslow’s basic survival level of the pyramid leading to self-actualization. At that level one will use whatever tools one has available and has learned to. One does not have the option of empathy.
The man who was on Ear Hustle said that because he believes he had a choice that he has no right to ask for forgiveness. The woman survivor disagrees with him saying that when he was abused choice was taken away from him.
The 12-step program of recovery does not claim that one will be forgiven by others if one works the steps of recovery, but it does suggest that all are deserving of a second (and third and fourth and …) chance. In the Christian tradition, the primary message of Easter, which in the Orthodox tradition is celebrated today. is one of forgiveness. Once one accepts forgiveness and connects with self emotionally one begins, I believe, to have the gift of choice, especially the choice of empathy which can then guide one in all interactions with others.
Written April 8, 2018
RSS Feed