Sunday Musings - August 4, 2024
Abuse is abuse is abuse whether that abuse is verbal, emotional, physical, political or sexual. Abuse is always an instance of someone treating another person or group as less than; as an object to service the needs of the other; an instance of a person being unable to consider or accept the sacredness - the rights - of another. Abuse is not caused by the person being abused. It is about the perceived need of the abuser to avoid a pain or painful truth about oneself; the truth of their unresolved pain. Very frequently the pain the abuser is avoiding or running from originates from them being told or convinced they are not enough; they are not worthy of love and respect. Thus, the abuser may come to believe that they can relieve their pain by causing others pain. They may believe if they can degrade or otherwise injure another that they will gain worth by proving that they are more powerful. They may come to believe that if they find a surrogate for their abuser, they can cause more hurt than they feel. They may believe in that way they can change the balance of power and thus protect themselves from further hurt. Often the abuser is unaware of why they are doing what they are doing. They merely strike out in response to their need to avoid their own panic. Perhaps they do not even label their pain as pain. They may be so distant from the source of their own pain or fear they have come to believe that the danger to themselves and/or their family is a racial or religious group or even the history of the treatment of a group.
A theoretical orientation about race which has been codified as the critical race theory has been designed to assuage the perceived discomfort of Caucasians if they must face the reality of racism in this country, the reality of their privileged status. Many states have passed laws outlawing what is being terms critical race theory. Some of these laws specifically ban the teaching of the history of racism in the United Sates.
Some states have also banned or made it illegal to teach about gender, sexual orientation and/or other facts about who we are humans so that some students and many parents do not have to face the reality of who we are as humans. This reality may conflict with religious or cultural beliefs.
Facing our discomfort, no matter what the source, can result in increased discomfort for some. It can also long term free us to live in community and claim the joy of freedom; the freedom to love and live in harmony with one another; the freedom to work together to create a more loving relationship with each other and mother earth. Avoid the discomfort of growth leads to abuse of others.
Abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, political or financial can steal the joy of the abuser and the abused. Often in our attempt to empathize with the abused we may also steal their joy. We may forget that one response to abuse, in addition to pain, is to hold on to our joy.
In March of 2022, Ketanji Brown Jackson was the subject of confirmation hearings for the position of judge of the Supreme Court of the United States. Some Senators questioning her attempted to discredit not only her judicial qualifications but her integrity as a person. One of the most memorable speeches that day was made by Senator Booker. One sentence reminded all who were listening and all who later heard or read the speech, “Nobody’s going to steal that joy.” He was reminding himself, Ms. Jackson and all her abusers that no amount of abuse can destroy the hope and the joy of those who have endured abuse since racism was invented to justify the unfathomable cruelty of slavery. Those slaves and descendants have survived and often thrived by holding on to joy while not denying the pain. Whether working in the fields, caring for the children of their white masters, cooking, cleaning and even dressing the while slave owners, the slaves - the black men, women and children - sang, took care of each other and kept the focus on the promise of the God of their understanding. Even today in any African American church service or at wakes on can witness deep grief alongside the joy of the belief “We shall overcome.”
One can, as one listens, hear the assurance of Richard Wright’s Bigger Thomas expressing in Native Son, when being threatened by the police persons, “You cannot do nothin but kill me and that ain’t nothin.”
We cannot as individuals or a country survive by running from or denying abuse; the abuse of racism, sexism, homophobia, trans oppression, outlawing choice, the attachment to guns, the withholding of health care or any other attempt to limit “all people” to “some people. We also cannot survive if we succumb to giving away the twin of grief which is joy.
Written August 4, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Abuse is abuse is abuse whether that abuse is verbal, emotional, physical, political or sexual. Abuse is always an instance of someone treating another person or group as less than; as an object to service the needs of the other; an instance of a person being unable to consider or accept the sacredness - the rights - of another. Abuse is not caused by the person being abused. It is about the perceived need of the abuser to avoid a pain or painful truth about oneself; the truth of their unresolved pain. Very frequently the pain the abuser is avoiding or running from originates from them being told or convinced they are not enough; they are not worthy of love and respect. Thus, the abuser may come to believe that they can relieve their pain by causing others pain. They may believe if they can degrade or otherwise injure another that they will gain worth by proving that they are more powerful. They may come to believe that if they find a surrogate for their abuser, they can cause more hurt than they feel. They may believe in that way they can change the balance of power and thus protect themselves from further hurt. Often the abuser is unaware of why they are doing what they are doing. They merely strike out in response to their need to avoid their own panic. Perhaps they do not even label their pain as pain. They may be so distant from the source of their own pain or fear they have come to believe that the danger to themselves and/or their family is a racial or religious group or even the history of the treatment of a group.
A theoretical orientation about race which has been codified as the critical race theory has been designed to assuage the perceived discomfort of Caucasians if they must face the reality of racism in this country, the reality of their privileged status. Many states have passed laws outlawing what is being terms critical race theory. Some of these laws specifically ban the teaching of the history of racism in the United Sates.
Some states have also banned or made it illegal to teach about gender, sexual orientation and/or other facts about who we are humans so that some students and many parents do not have to face the reality of who we are as humans. This reality may conflict with religious or cultural beliefs.
Facing our discomfort, no matter what the source, can result in increased discomfort for some. It can also long term free us to live in community and claim the joy of freedom; the freedom to love and live in harmony with one another; the freedom to work together to create a more loving relationship with each other and mother earth. Avoid the discomfort of growth leads to abuse of others.
Abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, political or financial can steal the joy of the abuser and the abused. Often in our attempt to empathize with the abused we may also steal their joy. We may forget that one response to abuse, in addition to pain, is to hold on to our joy.
In March of 2022, Ketanji Brown Jackson was the subject of confirmation hearings for the position of judge of the Supreme Court of the United States. Some Senators questioning her attempted to discredit not only her judicial qualifications but her integrity as a person. One of the most memorable speeches that day was made by Senator Booker. One sentence reminded all who were listening and all who later heard or read the speech, “Nobody’s going to steal that joy.” He was reminding himself, Ms. Jackson and all her abusers that no amount of abuse can destroy the hope and the joy of those who have endured abuse since racism was invented to justify the unfathomable cruelty of slavery. Those slaves and descendants have survived and often thrived by holding on to joy while not denying the pain. Whether working in the fields, caring for the children of their white masters, cooking, cleaning and even dressing the while slave owners, the slaves - the black men, women and children - sang, took care of each other and kept the focus on the promise of the God of their understanding. Even today in any African American church service or at wakes on can witness deep grief alongside the joy of the belief “We shall overcome.”
One can, as one listens, hear the assurance of Richard Wright’s Bigger Thomas expressing in Native Son, when being threatened by the police persons, “You cannot do nothin but kill me and that ain’t nothin.”
We cannot as individuals or a country survive by running from or denying abuse; the abuse of racism, sexism, homophobia, trans oppression, outlawing choice, the attachment to guns, the withholding of health care or any other attempt to limit “all people” to “some people. We also cannot survive if we succumb to giving away the twin of grief which is joy.
Written August 4, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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