Sunday Musings – December 11, 2016
As my mind quickly passes over the week, it is, at best, a bit of a blur. It would seem that the week held nothing in its arms except for ordinary, day-to-day events. Saying that, however, seems to diminish the depth of the blessings I was granted this week.
Perversely, my mind fixates on confirmation of the fact that a former very close friend has accepted that I am so obtuse, or am so unenlightened (emotionally undeveloped), or just too stubborn to admit to the reason why my spring behavior was so unforgivable. Perhaps unforgivable is missing the point. Perhaps from her standpoint it is just facing the reality that if I do not understand what it was which was so hurtful than I am likely to repeat the behavior which, to her, was a violation of or the renting of the very fabric from which our friendship was so carefully crafted. Again, I am faced with the reality of my helplessness; of the need to accept what is. Yet, for a moment or two or three I experience a surge of envy of one of the recent presidential candidates in the United States. Envy! Why would I envy a person who seemingly can say words and engage in actions which, as my friend N might say, cuts people off at the knees – rips the heart out of them – and be forgiven? Dear me. How embarrassing that I would envy someone whose power demands forgiveness if one is to survive politically. I neither have nor want such power. Yet...
The week included:
· An amazing performance by a local University choir and the very talented local high school and a middle school choirs.
· Positive test results from the eye doctor – no growth in cataracts and no sign of macular degeneration.
· Attendance at the art show of a friend which also provided the opportunity to visit with some folks I had not seen since returning to Wheeling.
· A delightful evening with friends over dinner and a wonderful performance of a local production of “A Christmas Carol.” This was also the evening one of the friends of friends was a woman I had often worked with but had never met.
· The opportunity to share the healing journey of a number of clients and at the center where I volunteer.
· Time with dear friends with whom I share a long history of unconditional love.
· The physical ability to exercise daily.
· The ability to touch many friends in person, via letter, email and phone.
· A comfortable, pleasant place to live, plenty of food and warm clothes to wear.
It seems I could go on and on listing blessings which included being held by the love of many. Yet, my thought keeps returning to the one person who joins those in the past who have outed me as a fraudulent friend. The glass is much more than half full and, yet, there is a historic tendency to focus on what is not rather than what is. This fascinates me and also frequently leaves me smiling at myself. “There is your humanness again.” The good thing or one of the valuable outcomes of daily writing is the opportunity to gain a little perspective. This does not put an immediate halt to the “stinkin thinkin” but it does move me in that direction.
I am again reminded of my frequent advice to others – breathe, just notice without adding to the story, and gently allow it to leave when ready.
The student who masquerades as a teacher has, in the words of Robert Frost “And miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.”
Written December 11, 2016
As my mind quickly passes over the week, it is, at best, a bit of a blur. It would seem that the week held nothing in its arms except for ordinary, day-to-day events. Saying that, however, seems to diminish the depth of the blessings I was granted this week.
Perversely, my mind fixates on confirmation of the fact that a former very close friend has accepted that I am so obtuse, or am so unenlightened (emotionally undeveloped), or just too stubborn to admit to the reason why my spring behavior was so unforgivable. Perhaps unforgivable is missing the point. Perhaps from her standpoint it is just facing the reality that if I do not understand what it was which was so hurtful than I am likely to repeat the behavior which, to her, was a violation of or the renting of the very fabric from which our friendship was so carefully crafted. Again, I am faced with the reality of my helplessness; of the need to accept what is. Yet, for a moment or two or three I experience a surge of envy of one of the recent presidential candidates in the United States. Envy! Why would I envy a person who seemingly can say words and engage in actions which, as my friend N might say, cuts people off at the knees – rips the heart out of them – and be forgiven? Dear me. How embarrassing that I would envy someone whose power demands forgiveness if one is to survive politically. I neither have nor want such power. Yet...
The week included:
· An amazing performance by a local University choir and the very talented local high school and a middle school choirs.
· Positive test results from the eye doctor – no growth in cataracts and no sign of macular degeneration.
· Attendance at the art show of a friend which also provided the opportunity to visit with some folks I had not seen since returning to Wheeling.
· A delightful evening with friends over dinner and a wonderful performance of a local production of “A Christmas Carol.” This was also the evening one of the friends of friends was a woman I had often worked with but had never met.
· The opportunity to share the healing journey of a number of clients and at the center where I volunteer.
· Time with dear friends with whom I share a long history of unconditional love.
· The physical ability to exercise daily.
· The ability to touch many friends in person, via letter, email and phone.
· A comfortable, pleasant place to live, plenty of food and warm clothes to wear.
It seems I could go on and on listing blessings which included being held by the love of many. Yet, my thought keeps returning to the one person who joins those in the past who have outed me as a fraudulent friend. The glass is much more than half full and, yet, there is a historic tendency to focus on what is not rather than what is. This fascinates me and also frequently leaves me smiling at myself. “There is your humanness again.” The good thing or one of the valuable outcomes of daily writing is the opportunity to gain a little perspective. This does not put an immediate halt to the “stinkin thinkin” but it does move me in that direction.
I am again reminded of my frequent advice to others – breathe, just notice without adding to the story, and gently allow it to leave when ready.
The student who masquerades as a teacher has, in the words of Robert Frost “And miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.”
Written December 11, 2016
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