Sunday Musings – January 28, 2018
This morning something triggered the adage. “People come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime.” Perhaps some of the triggers were: This month is the birthday month for my deceased mother and a significant number of friends. It is the month that my father died. Additionally, this past week and the coming week a number of individuals who have been in treatment at a residential treatment center where I work as a volunteer will coin out. In a treatment setting very personal information is often shared as a part of the healing process. It is easy for strong relationships to develop. A few of those people I will continue to see as clients or in other setting in the community. A few I will hear from via virtual or snail mail. Some might call at some time to tell me that they are doing well or that they are struggling. Some I will never hear from or see again
One of the emotional and spiritual lessons I have been learning for the past several decades is the courage to form close connections and the art of letting go. Getting close was not always easy for me. I thought that I could have close relationships while obeying family rules to keep most feelings -other than anger and occasionally positive ones - private. Thus, often what I thought were close friendships had a very weak base. People would drift out of my life or I would drift out of their life. I was well into my adult years before I began to learn that it is safe to allow others emotionally close without kidnapping them. For a time in my life I believed that closeness, if authentic, had to be forever. Thus, I would expect or demand that others prove to me that they cared by staying close forever. The fact that the lives of others have their own path having nothing to do with me, was a foreign concept. Eventually I would learn about the concept of attachment. I was making other people, places and things responsible for my well being. I would tell myself that I could only be okay, happy or have a good life if others stayed close forever. That gave other people a lot of power over my well being. It could also be very emotionally damaging and destructive to others. It does not feel good or healthy to be made responsible for someone’s well being. Of course, we also know no one else can fill that void within us or can complete us. It is our job to love ourselves and to allow others to love us – for a season, a lifetime or a reason.
Thus, this week I do not feel nor believe that my father, mother, or others who died or those whose journeys take them elsewhere abandon me. I continue to be grateful for the time that we shared this journey. For those who are still living I will keep the door and my heart open. If they should happen to stop by I will brew a cup and we will sit at the kitchen table to pick up where we left off. For those who are dead when they visit via a memory I will smile and welcome them as well.
Written January 28, 2018
This morning something triggered the adage. “People come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime.” Perhaps some of the triggers were: This month is the birthday month for my deceased mother and a significant number of friends. It is the month that my father died. Additionally, this past week and the coming week a number of individuals who have been in treatment at a residential treatment center where I work as a volunteer will coin out. In a treatment setting very personal information is often shared as a part of the healing process. It is easy for strong relationships to develop. A few of those people I will continue to see as clients or in other setting in the community. A few I will hear from via virtual or snail mail. Some might call at some time to tell me that they are doing well or that they are struggling. Some I will never hear from or see again
One of the emotional and spiritual lessons I have been learning for the past several decades is the courage to form close connections and the art of letting go. Getting close was not always easy for me. I thought that I could have close relationships while obeying family rules to keep most feelings -other than anger and occasionally positive ones - private. Thus, often what I thought were close friendships had a very weak base. People would drift out of my life or I would drift out of their life. I was well into my adult years before I began to learn that it is safe to allow others emotionally close without kidnapping them. For a time in my life I believed that closeness, if authentic, had to be forever. Thus, I would expect or demand that others prove to me that they cared by staying close forever. The fact that the lives of others have their own path having nothing to do with me, was a foreign concept. Eventually I would learn about the concept of attachment. I was making other people, places and things responsible for my well being. I would tell myself that I could only be okay, happy or have a good life if others stayed close forever. That gave other people a lot of power over my well being. It could also be very emotionally damaging and destructive to others. It does not feel good or healthy to be made responsible for someone’s well being. Of course, we also know no one else can fill that void within us or can complete us. It is our job to love ourselves and to allow others to love us – for a season, a lifetime or a reason.
Thus, this week I do not feel nor believe that my father, mother, or others who died or those whose journeys take them elsewhere abandon me. I continue to be grateful for the time that we shared this journey. For those who are still living I will keep the door and my heart open. If they should happen to stop by I will brew a cup and we will sit at the kitchen table to pick up where we left off. For those who are dead when they visit via a memory I will smile and welcome them as well.
Written January 28, 2018
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