Sunday musings – July 16, 2017
The curtain of fog which covered this small part of the planet early this morning has lifted revealing a pastel blue sky with whispers of clouds. Sitting here on my covered porch it would be easy to imagine that all is right with the world and, yet, I am acutely aware that reality for many here in the United States and other countries is loneliness, poverty, disease and all too often violence. Violence might emanate from another person, a drug, disease, or some other source.
Yesterday I had a lovely and energizing visit with a friend and his wife who I have now known for many years. We discussed our health and other issues which become central as we age. We also talked about such issues as our concept of justice, core values/identity, and empathy. I treasure those times when I am safely challenged to think outside the tiny boxes which I have often picked up or borrowed without any consideration for the fact that principles or values which are going to dictate my behavior need to be carefully constructed and not chosen because they sound good, are easy or arrive in a brightly colored box.
This morning, while at the gym, I was listening to the weekly podcast, Ear Hustle, from San Quintin Prison. One of the topics of discussion in this morning’s conversation was nurturing; how inmates in San Quintin satisfy their need to nurture. Not surprisingly, some do this by finding ways to “look out for each other”. Others may take care of and nurture birds or even bugs. Some such as the man who continues to listen to and guide his god children use the mail or phone. Most interesting to me is that none of the three participating in this podcast (Earlonne Wood, Antwan Williams, both inmates, or Nigel Poor, a Bay Area artist), question the need for inmates to find something or someone to nurture. They accept the need to nurture as a natural or innate human need. Some such as Rauch, another inmate, may find it difficult to trust closeness with humans, but this does not lessen his need to nurture. Once again, I am reminded of the fact that no matter what crime for which inmates were convicted (guilty or not) labeling them as just criminals does not begin to encompass all that they are.
After listening to the podcast Ear Hustle, I listened to yet another report about addiction and shame. There is often the shame of the person who is addicted and the shame of the family member of the addicted person. Sadly, many still have a very difficult time viewing addiction as an illness instead of a character defect or moral flaw. It makes absolutely no sense to me that a person who is able to think clearly would choose to make their life and the life of all those who love them such a living nightmare. I suppose that it makes sense that it is easier to view an addict as morally deficient because we then are able to convince ourselves that we could never become an addict.
I was also recently told that I sometimes act in a way that does not feel comforting or kind. If I am going to continue to grow emotionally and spiritually, I have to open myself to information which will help identify those behaviors or areas of thinking which are not what I intend them to be or what I tell myself I intend them to be. It is easy for shame to sneak in and make it very uncomfortable for me to own my humanness which is a necessary step in my growth.
Again, having to revisit my “character defects” or more simply behaviors of mine which are not received as kind or comforting, thinking about our so-called system of justice which places many men and women in prison for many years, and the ongoing difficulty in accepting our human vulnerability to addictions and other chronic illnesses, especially those which may seem to present a choice, brings me back to thinking about such concept as justice, empathy, and fairness. What is the fair or just way to deal with someone who commits an illegal act, is unable to make a decision to get into recovery for addiction or has a behavior of any sort which causes discomfort to others?
While it is, true I am only responsible for my own behavior I am also a local, national, international and universal community member. I am, for better or worse, a member of the body politic in some formal or informal manner.
I had even more blessings than challenges this week. One of the blessings was my son’s response to knowing that he is going to lose his job because the company for which he works is moving the office to another part of the country. He is not able or willing to move. He is handling this news by reminding himself that he has choices and that he can and will find another job. This is a good reminder for me that I, too, make choices which often have both positive and negative consequences. Other blessings were the time with my friend Molly and her boyfriend on Sunday and time with Paul on Monday.
As always the time working for/with those who seem to be seeking out a teacher reminds me that it is I who is always the student.
Everything told, it seems to me that it has been a week of again being fed in many ways. As is true with the flowers and other plants in my garden there are days when it seems as if I struggle to grow. I may even appear to take more than one step backwards, but then all seems to come together for a period of growth.
Written - July 16, 2017
The curtain of fog which covered this small part of the planet early this morning has lifted revealing a pastel blue sky with whispers of clouds. Sitting here on my covered porch it would be easy to imagine that all is right with the world and, yet, I am acutely aware that reality for many here in the United States and other countries is loneliness, poverty, disease and all too often violence. Violence might emanate from another person, a drug, disease, or some other source.
Yesterday I had a lovely and energizing visit with a friend and his wife who I have now known for many years. We discussed our health and other issues which become central as we age. We also talked about such issues as our concept of justice, core values/identity, and empathy. I treasure those times when I am safely challenged to think outside the tiny boxes which I have often picked up or borrowed without any consideration for the fact that principles or values which are going to dictate my behavior need to be carefully constructed and not chosen because they sound good, are easy or arrive in a brightly colored box.
This morning, while at the gym, I was listening to the weekly podcast, Ear Hustle, from San Quintin Prison. One of the topics of discussion in this morning’s conversation was nurturing; how inmates in San Quintin satisfy their need to nurture. Not surprisingly, some do this by finding ways to “look out for each other”. Others may take care of and nurture birds or even bugs. Some such as the man who continues to listen to and guide his god children use the mail or phone. Most interesting to me is that none of the three participating in this podcast (Earlonne Wood, Antwan Williams, both inmates, or Nigel Poor, a Bay Area artist), question the need for inmates to find something or someone to nurture. They accept the need to nurture as a natural or innate human need. Some such as Rauch, another inmate, may find it difficult to trust closeness with humans, but this does not lessen his need to nurture. Once again, I am reminded of the fact that no matter what crime for which inmates were convicted (guilty or not) labeling them as just criminals does not begin to encompass all that they are.
After listening to the podcast Ear Hustle, I listened to yet another report about addiction and shame. There is often the shame of the person who is addicted and the shame of the family member of the addicted person. Sadly, many still have a very difficult time viewing addiction as an illness instead of a character defect or moral flaw. It makes absolutely no sense to me that a person who is able to think clearly would choose to make their life and the life of all those who love them such a living nightmare. I suppose that it makes sense that it is easier to view an addict as morally deficient because we then are able to convince ourselves that we could never become an addict.
I was also recently told that I sometimes act in a way that does not feel comforting or kind. If I am going to continue to grow emotionally and spiritually, I have to open myself to information which will help identify those behaviors or areas of thinking which are not what I intend them to be or what I tell myself I intend them to be. It is easy for shame to sneak in and make it very uncomfortable for me to own my humanness which is a necessary step in my growth.
Again, having to revisit my “character defects” or more simply behaviors of mine which are not received as kind or comforting, thinking about our so-called system of justice which places many men and women in prison for many years, and the ongoing difficulty in accepting our human vulnerability to addictions and other chronic illnesses, especially those which may seem to present a choice, brings me back to thinking about such concept as justice, empathy, and fairness. What is the fair or just way to deal with someone who commits an illegal act, is unable to make a decision to get into recovery for addiction or has a behavior of any sort which causes discomfort to others?
While it is, true I am only responsible for my own behavior I am also a local, national, international and universal community member. I am, for better or worse, a member of the body politic in some formal or informal manner.
I had even more blessings than challenges this week. One of the blessings was my son’s response to knowing that he is going to lose his job because the company for which he works is moving the office to another part of the country. He is not able or willing to move. He is handling this news by reminding himself that he has choices and that he can and will find another job. This is a good reminder for me that I, too, make choices which often have both positive and negative consequences. Other blessings were the time with my friend Molly and her boyfriend on Sunday and time with Paul on Monday.
As always the time working for/with those who seem to be seeking out a teacher reminds me that it is I who is always the student.
Everything told, it seems to me that it has been a week of again being fed in many ways. As is true with the flowers and other plants in my garden there are days when it seems as if I struggle to grow. I may even appear to take more than one step backwards, but then all seems to come together for a period of growth.
Written - July 16, 2017
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