Sunday Musings - July 28, 2019
It is a lovely day in Wheeling, West Virginia. Some areas enjoyed a rain shower earlie. Now there is not a cloud in sight which means many members of the community will enjoy the last day of the Italian and Greek festivals. Yesterday I was at a local park where friends were getting married. We saw many other couples who were also sharing their commitment to each other and asking for the support of family and friends as they begin this new phase of their lives. Some of the marriages will last many years. Others will be short lived. Of course, I am hopeful that my friends will be able to hold fast to their commitment as each of them pursue careers, assume community responsibilities and nurture various friendships with parents, extended biological family and intentional families. If they have children, honoring that commitment will be especially important. Honoring that commitment does not always mean that a couple remains married. Many factors can affect whether a couple can best nurture themselves, each other and children if they have any as a couple or whether they continue their journey in separate homes. Sometime we can be more nurturing and supportive living separately. If each is to continue a journey of emotional and spiritual growth one cannot predict the next chapters. One cannot predict what one will discover about oneself and the tough decisions each may face. Sometimes one feels a strong call to honor a part of oneself of which one was not aware or which one thought one could ignore.
Sadly many friends and family will find that they cannot honor their commitment to the couple to be there through the tough times. Many will find themselves supporting one person at the expense of other. Many will find themselves judging the actions of one member of this couple. Some will be forced to advise a person to get out of an emotional and/or physically abusive relationship. Some will be asked to listen to the anguish cries of those having to make tough decisions because of acute illness, the effects of being in combat or the effect of getting kidnapped by addiction to alcohol, other drugs, power, sex, ambition or other persons, places or things. Our job as friends and family will not always be easy just as the job of our friends and family is not easy.
Whether our commitment is to a couple, an individual, a family or a community the challenge is to love unconditionally while honoring sometimes harsh realities. Chronic, acute illness which may result in emotional and physical abuse as well as absence can dictate that a couple temporarily or permanently separate and possibly divorce. When, for whatever reason, one or both members of a marriage relationship cannot be present in any meaningful way the marriage may no longer exist. One is tempted to treat marriage relationships in terms of the legal contract. Although many religious institutions proclaim the marriage relationship to be a spiritual one, representatives of those religions often treat it a legal entity. A legal document may dictate the division of shared property and the care of dependent children and financial rights, it cannot and does not create or maintain a marriage in any emotional or spiritual sense.
The challenge to those of us who have committed to honor and support the two people who are now married is to do so without judgment but will a willingness to get our hands dirty. We may have to physically and financially help one or the other members of this new couple and/or their children. We may have to help one of them get to a domestic violence shelter or we may need open the door and keep the guest room ready for one of them. We may have to lovingly confront the one who is violent, addicted, or otherwise ill. Yet, our commitment is to do so with love and not with judgement.
Love is a lifetime commitment. Living together is not always possible. Unconditional love, although not easy, is possible.
Written July 28l 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
It is a lovely day in Wheeling, West Virginia. Some areas enjoyed a rain shower earlie. Now there is not a cloud in sight which means many members of the community will enjoy the last day of the Italian and Greek festivals. Yesterday I was at a local park where friends were getting married. We saw many other couples who were also sharing their commitment to each other and asking for the support of family and friends as they begin this new phase of their lives. Some of the marriages will last many years. Others will be short lived. Of course, I am hopeful that my friends will be able to hold fast to their commitment as each of them pursue careers, assume community responsibilities and nurture various friendships with parents, extended biological family and intentional families. If they have children, honoring that commitment will be especially important. Honoring that commitment does not always mean that a couple remains married. Many factors can affect whether a couple can best nurture themselves, each other and children if they have any as a couple or whether they continue their journey in separate homes. Sometime we can be more nurturing and supportive living separately. If each is to continue a journey of emotional and spiritual growth one cannot predict the next chapters. One cannot predict what one will discover about oneself and the tough decisions each may face. Sometimes one feels a strong call to honor a part of oneself of which one was not aware or which one thought one could ignore.
Sadly many friends and family will find that they cannot honor their commitment to the couple to be there through the tough times. Many will find themselves supporting one person at the expense of other. Many will find themselves judging the actions of one member of this couple. Some will be forced to advise a person to get out of an emotional and/or physically abusive relationship. Some will be asked to listen to the anguish cries of those having to make tough decisions because of acute illness, the effects of being in combat or the effect of getting kidnapped by addiction to alcohol, other drugs, power, sex, ambition or other persons, places or things. Our job as friends and family will not always be easy just as the job of our friends and family is not easy.
Whether our commitment is to a couple, an individual, a family or a community the challenge is to love unconditionally while honoring sometimes harsh realities. Chronic, acute illness which may result in emotional and physical abuse as well as absence can dictate that a couple temporarily or permanently separate and possibly divorce. When, for whatever reason, one or both members of a marriage relationship cannot be present in any meaningful way the marriage may no longer exist. One is tempted to treat marriage relationships in terms of the legal contract. Although many religious institutions proclaim the marriage relationship to be a spiritual one, representatives of those religions often treat it a legal entity. A legal document may dictate the division of shared property and the care of dependent children and financial rights, it cannot and does not create or maintain a marriage in any emotional or spiritual sense.
The challenge to those of us who have committed to honor and support the two people who are now married is to do so without judgment but will a willingness to get our hands dirty. We may have to physically and financially help one or the other members of this new couple and/or their children. We may have to help one of them get to a domestic violence shelter or we may need open the door and keep the guest room ready for one of them. We may have to lovingly confront the one who is violent, addicted, or otherwise ill. Yet, our commitment is to do so with love and not with judgement.
Love is a lifetime commitment. Living together is not always possible. Unconditional love, although not easy, is possible.
Written July 28l 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
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