Sunday Musings – June 18, 2017
It has become my habit the past few months to use this Sunday space on the blog to write about what stood out for me this week and what I want to take from this week. Although it has been an exceptionally busy week which included 4 trips to Pittsburg in addition to seeing clients, writing, doing chores. staying in touch with friends, often just relaxing with the more recent James Connelly book or just porch sitting, in most respects and compared to those dealing with the death of a child, the aftermath of an apartment building fire in England, the destruction by the shooting at the congressional baseball practice, other shootings, ongoing war in many parts of the world my week was very routine and, to some, probably very boring. Certainly, most of my week does not merit detailed reports on social media. Yet, from my perspective there was nothing routine about my week. Even now as I sit on my porch tying I hear and see the birds, the butterflies, and the cars all heading somewhere on the highway not far from my house. I see the roses growing alongside the north-east side of my porch and the herbs on the South West side threatening to surpass the height of the rose bushes across from them. The butterflies gracefully visit the area all around the porch. My world is constantly new, often lovely, fun, exciting and hopeful. It is occasionallysad, confusing and disappointing.
Yesterday I was again reminded that for those suffering with such illness as clinical depression the world is seldom pleasant, fun, exciting or hopeful. There may be moments for which they are very grateful. They may even laugh at times. Yet, the positive experiences do not connect. Between these brief moments of positives is an overriding darkness. Chemically, certain illnesses, such as depression, block out the experience of color and movement. The world appears to be shrouded in black. The contrasting whites and greys which are often what makes black and white photographs so powerful are missing. Often depressed people appear angry, disconnected and fearful. It can be depressing to be around depressed people. Thus, many who feel unable to call upon enough extra positive energy to override the darkness of the depression avoid the depressed person which, of course, further isolates the depressed person. The depressed person might, at times, be relieved to be ignored because social interaction may seem to demand energy which is just not available. Yet, because the depression is experiencing the world and often interprets it the depressed person might blame others or themselves for the lack of contact with others. Thus, one may often be wrong no matter whether one ignores the depressed person or attempts to connect with them.
Sometimes medication keeps the acute depression at bay and allows the depressed individual to experience the colors and the movement. Sometimes, if the clinical depression is not too acute, the depressed person can correct the overriding negative interpretation of the world. This will not necessarily allow the individual to experience the positive feelings, but they will not be feeding the biased lie of the depression.
In my memory, I head Nikki Giovanni saying, “If there is anything worse that having an unequal share of the wealth, it is having it and not enjoying it.” I looked for the quote and cannot locate it. Perhaps it was not she who said it, but it sounds like something she might have said. At any rate, I am reminded on this Sunday to be very grateful that I can experience the simple positives of this life journey and I can connect the dots. I want to remind myself to never forget to be grateful for this state of Grace. I did not earn the right or ability to experience the world without the lens of depression. It is just grace. By the same token I cannot and should not judge those in whose shoes I have not walked.
I do not want to avoid loving those with clinical depression. At the same time, I have to decide if I am healthy enough to avoid being sucked into the depression. When I am not, I may have to temporarily, when possible, stay away from depression. Most of the time, however, I do have the energy to spend some time just surrounding the depressed person with love. Paradoxically the love often protects me as well.
Written June 18, 2017
It has become my habit the past few months to use this Sunday space on the blog to write about what stood out for me this week and what I want to take from this week. Although it has been an exceptionally busy week which included 4 trips to Pittsburg in addition to seeing clients, writing, doing chores. staying in touch with friends, often just relaxing with the more recent James Connelly book or just porch sitting, in most respects and compared to those dealing with the death of a child, the aftermath of an apartment building fire in England, the destruction by the shooting at the congressional baseball practice, other shootings, ongoing war in many parts of the world my week was very routine and, to some, probably very boring. Certainly, most of my week does not merit detailed reports on social media. Yet, from my perspective there was nothing routine about my week. Even now as I sit on my porch tying I hear and see the birds, the butterflies, and the cars all heading somewhere on the highway not far from my house. I see the roses growing alongside the north-east side of my porch and the herbs on the South West side threatening to surpass the height of the rose bushes across from them. The butterflies gracefully visit the area all around the porch. My world is constantly new, often lovely, fun, exciting and hopeful. It is occasionallysad, confusing and disappointing.
Yesterday I was again reminded that for those suffering with such illness as clinical depression the world is seldom pleasant, fun, exciting or hopeful. There may be moments for which they are very grateful. They may even laugh at times. Yet, the positive experiences do not connect. Between these brief moments of positives is an overriding darkness. Chemically, certain illnesses, such as depression, block out the experience of color and movement. The world appears to be shrouded in black. The contrasting whites and greys which are often what makes black and white photographs so powerful are missing. Often depressed people appear angry, disconnected and fearful. It can be depressing to be around depressed people. Thus, many who feel unable to call upon enough extra positive energy to override the darkness of the depression avoid the depressed person which, of course, further isolates the depressed person. The depressed person might, at times, be relieved to be ignored because social interaction may seem to demand energy which is just not available. Yet, because the depression is experiencing the world and often interprets it the depressed person might blame others or themselves for the lack of contact with others. Thus, one may often be wrong no matter whether one ignores the depressed person or attempts to connect with them.
Sometimes medication keeps the acute depression at bay and allows the depressed individual to experience the colors and the movement. Sometimes, if the clinical depression is not too acute, the depressed person can correct the overriding negative interpretation of the world. This will not necessarily allow the individual to experience the positive feelings, but they will not be feeding the biased lie of the depression.
In my memory, I head Nikki Giovanni saying, “If there is anything worse that having an unequal share of the wealth, it is having it and not enjoying it.” I looked for the quote and cannot locate it. Perhaps it was not she who said it, but it sounds like something she might have said. At any rate, I am reminded on this Sunday to be very grateful that I can experience the simple positives of this life journey and I can connect the dots. I want to remind myself to never forget to be grateful for this state of Grace. I did not earn the right or ability to experience the world without the lens of depression. It is just grace. By the same token I cannot and should not judge those in whose shoes I have not walked.
I do not want to avoid loving those with clinical depression. At the same time, I have to decide if I am healthy enough to avoid being sucked into the depression. When I am not, I may have to temporarily, when possible, stay away from depression. Most of the time, however, I do have the energy to spend some time just surrounding the depressed person with love. Paradoxically the love often protects me as well.
Written June 18, 2017
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