Sunday Musings – June 25, 2017
Every Sunday morning when I sit down at the computer to reflect on the week with particular emphasis on what I have learned or relearned all the events of the week seem to blend together to form this impressionistic gestalt. I know that each day and the week overall consisted on many small events which often seemed unrelated to each other. Yet, together they cover the canvas which depicts my life journey. This canvas is what I will leave when I complete the few moments which is allotted to each of us in this life journey. Attending the funeral of a young man who was killed by gunshot was a poignant reminder, once again, of the tenuous and brief time we are allotted for this journey. The gathering of a very diverse group of people for the celebration of the life of this young man was a reminder of the fact that most, of not all of us, touch the lives of many people. In fact, on a typical day, I know that I have some sort of direct or indirect contact with many people even though I am working at home much of the day. I begin my day with a lot of virtual contact via text, email and Facebook messaging even before I head to the gym which is generally crowded. I have some interaction with several of those at the gym. How I touch just their lives may affect how they touch the lives of others that day.
I met with a number of those for whom I work – psychotherapy clients – this week. There were times when,instead of deeply listening, I talked much too much. I say deep listening because I know it is important to listen to what is not being said or otherwise directly communicated. I was often reminded that I have no answers. At times, I may be able to help identify some helpful questions or just assure someone that it is enough to be them. Time after time I was reminded that all of us are more than a label. Labels such as addict, co-dependent, attachment, mentally ill, wife, mother, father, husband, lover, client, worker, therapist fill only a tiny space on the canvas of our lives.
A few times I was successful in “holding my tongue” or stilling my fingers on the keyboard. A major goal of mine is to not react to an event or a person. It if feels as if another person is disrespecting me, discounting my worth, telling me something I hear as an insult, I am tempted to react with passive or active anger. My goal has been to focus on my breath and to wait until I can respond with love. I “know” that I have had a role in the dynamics of the relationship even though I might be initially tempted to blame them and not take any of the responsibility.
I was also successful a few times in “just noticing” my difficulty in loving unconditionally without any expectations. Even though I say that I want to love without any expectations, this does not come naturally to this human. Although I have made progress in remembering my goal, I continue to fall short. Chastising myself is not helpful. Just noticing with goal of tiny steps of progress is enough for today.
Obviously, although routine in many respects, it has been a week of opportunity to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. I am reminded of the last lines of the poem by Robert Frost:
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
BY ROBERT FROST
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods, fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
(poetryfoundation.org)
Written June 25, 2017
Every Sunday morning when I sit down at the computer to reflect on the week with particular emphasis on what I have learned or relearned all the events of the week seem to blend together to form this impressionistic gestalt. I know that each day and the week overall consisted on many small events which often seemed unrelated to each other. Yet, together they cover the canvas which depicts my life journey. This canvas is what I will leave when I complete the few moments which is allotted to each of us in this life journey. Attending the funeral of a young man who was killed by gunshot was a poignant reminder, once again, of the tenuous and brief time we are allotted for this journey. The gathering of a very diverse group of people for the celebration of the life of this young man was a reminder of the fact that most, of not all of us, touch the lives of many people. In fact, on a typical day, I know that I have some sort of direct or indirect contact with many people even though I am working at home much of the day. I begin my day with a lot of virtual contact via text, email and Facebook messaging even before I head to the gym which is generally crowded. I have some interaction with several of those at the gym. How I touch just their lives may affect how they touch the lives of others that day.
I met with a number of those for whom I work – psychotherapy clients – this week. There were times when,instead of deeply listening, I talked much too much. I say deep listening because I know it is important to listen to what is not being said or otherwise directly communicated. I was often reminded that I have no answers. At times, I may be able to help identify some helpful questions or just assure someone that it is enough to be them. Time after time I was reminded that all of us are more than a label. Labels such as addict, co-dependent, attachment, mentally ill, wife, mother, father, husband, lover, client, worker, therapist fill only a tiny space on the canvas of our lives.
A few times I was successful in “holding my tongue” or stilling my fingers on the keyboard. A major goal of mine is to not react to an event or a person. It if feels as if another person is disrespecting me, discounting my worth, telling me something I hear as an insult, I am tempted to react with passive or active anger. My goal has been to focus on my breath and to wait until I can respond with love. I “know” that I have had a role in the dynamics of the relationship even though I might be initially tempted to blame them and not take any of the responsibility.
I was also successful a few times in “just noticing” my difficulty in loving unconditionally without any expectations. Even though I say that I want to love without any expectations, this does not come naturally to this human. Although I have made progress in remembering my goal, I continue to fall short. Chastising myself is not helpful. Just noticing with goal of tiny steps of progress is enough for today.
Obviously, although routine in many respects, it has been a week of opportunity to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. I am reminded of the last lines of the poem by Robert Frost:
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
BY ROBERT FROST
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods, fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
(poetryfoundation.org)
Written June 25, 2017
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