Sunday Musings – June 9, 2019
I had a note yesterday from my nephew who accompanies the family dog, Truman, on a walk every morning. I was not surprised to hear him say that Truman “is a great consigliere, truly listens, gives sound advice and is brutally honest”. I am sure he was speaking a bit tongue in cheek when he used the word consigliere since many may think of the term as an adviser to a crime boss! Yet, my amazing nephew is involved with a lot of projects - community, home and work projects. He and his wife are two of those truly admirable leaders who seem to have no need to be recognized by the wider community. Of course, it is good to have the respect and ear of some in the community who can assist in moving past good ideas to manifest reality.
The fact that he listens to that wise core of himself which he has allowed Truman to channel is another indication of his humility and courage. It does indeed take great courage to listen to our thoughts and feelings in bright daylight. A lot of the work I am honored to do involves being present to listen to those parts of the stories of individuals and families which are often painful and have been considered shameful. Daily I am reminded that hiding behind shame often destines us humans to keep repeating the same mistakes or hurtful behavior which results in more shame. The cycle of shame and hurtful behavior benefits no one.
For two days this week I was attending the second annual conference on Shedding Light on Mental Illness sponsored by the local chapter of the National Alliance for Mental Illness in conjunction with West Liberty University. There were a number of speakers and workshops, almost all of them addressing the general topic of trauma; living with mental illness whether that be an illness with which one is born, predisposed to or an illness which has disrupted one’s function after serving in combat, growing up with parents living with mental illness or some other traumas or series of trauma. Fortunately, healers - physicians, nurses, counselors, social workers, and those who use complimentary healing approaches have begun to more aggressively reclaim the power of listening as individuals and families tell their stories. Not surprisingly the many healing tools of modern medicine are not very helpful if there is not someone to listen without shaming the person or minimalizing the events, behavior or other traumatic conditions which results in such internal dis ease. Pretending as is some event was not traumatic or truly hurtful is not helpful. On the other hand, shaming is not helpful. If someone pretends as if some hurtful deed one did to oneself, someone did to one, or one did to someone else was not hurtful one cannot begin to heal. Shaming someone or treating them as less than is also not helpful and prevents healing.
None of us can undo past trauma or any deeds. Certainly, physical structures can sometimes be rebuilt. I can make another meal if I burn one. A critically injured heart or psyche cannot be rebuilt. Terrible memories cannot be erased. We can, however, create a new chapter in our story; a chapter which sometimes because of its base of jagged rocks can be powerfully healing, creative or a source of new strength and a new level of wisdom for the wider community.
My week also included time with clients, co-workers, store clerks, community members, friends and others. We sat together in person, communicated via telephone, text, messaging, email, and snail mail letters. We communicate with words, touch, smell, and sounds.
What each of us will remember is a sense of connection; a sense of being listened to and offered sounds, honest advice or a sense of being ignored. The fact that Truman the family dog is not actually offering the advice in words but allowing it to bounce back to the listening ears and heart of my nephew. does not, in any way diminish the power of the consigliere.
Written June 9, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
I had a note yesterday from my nephew who accompanies the family dog, Truman, on a walk every morning. I was not surprised to hear him say that Truman “is a great consigliere, truly listens, gives sound advice and is brutally honest”. I am sure he was speaking a bit tongue in cheek when he used the word consigliere since many may think of the term as an adviser to a crime boss! Yet, my amazing nephew is involved with a lot of projects - community, home and work projects. He and his wife are two of those truly admirable leaders who seem to have no need to be recognized by the wider community. Of course, it is good to have the respect and ear of some in the community who can assist in moving past good ideas to manifest reality.
The fact that he listens to that wise core of himself which he has allowed Truman to channel is another indication of his humility and courage. It does indeed take great courage to listen to our thoughts and feelings in bright daylight. A lot of the work I am honored to do involves being present to listen to those parts of the stories of individuals and families which are often painful and have been considered shameful. Daily I am reminded that hiding behind shame often destines us humans to keep repeating the same mistakes or hurtful behavior which results in more shame. The cycle of shame and hurtful behavior benefits no one.
For two days this week I was attending the second annual conference on Shedding Light on Mental Illness sponsored by the local chapter of the National Alliance for Mental Illness in conjunction with West Liberty University. There were a number of speakers and workshops, almost all of them addressing the general topic of trauma; living with mental illness whether that be an illness with which one is born, predisposed to or an illness which has disrupted one’s function after serving in combat, growing up with parents living with mental illness or some other traumas or series of trauma. Fortunately, healers - physicians, nurses, counselors, social workers, and those who use complimentary healing approaches have begun to more aggressively reclaim the power of listening as individuals and families tell their stories. Not surprisingly the many healing tools of modern medicine are not very helpful if there is not someone to listen without shaming the person or minimalizing the events, behavior or other traumatic conditions which results in such internal dis ease. Pretending as is some event was not traumatic or truly hurtful is not helpful. On the other hand, shaming is not helpful. If someone pretends as if some hurtful deed one did to oneself, someone did to one, or one did to someone else was not hurtful one cannot begin to heal. Shaming someone or treating them as less than is also not helpful and prevents healing.
None of us can undo past trauma or any deeds. Certainly, physical structures can sometimes be rebuilt. I can make another meal if I burn one. A critically injured heart or psyche cannot be rebuilt. Terrible memories cannot be erased. We can, however, create a new chapter in our story; a chapter which sometimes because of its base of jagged rocks can be powerfully healing, creative or a source of new strength and a new level of wisdom for the wider community.
My week also included time with clients, co-workers, store clerks, community members, friends and others. We sat together in person, communicated via telephone, text, messaging, email, and snail mail letters. We communicate with words, touch, smell, and sounds.
What each of us will remember is a sense of connection; a sense of being listened to and offered sounds, honest advice or a sense of being ignored. The fact that Truman the family dog is not actually offering the advice in words but allowing it to bounce back to the listening ears and heart of my nephew. does not, in any way diminish the power of the consigliere.
Written June 9, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
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