Sunday musings – Loving one’s enemy?
The past two days I have, not surprisingly to any regular reader of this blog, been listening to this week’s podcast of On Being. This week was a rebroadcast of a conversation Krista Tippett had on January 1, 2015 with Robert Thurman and Sharon Salzberg. The conversation was entitled “Meeting Our Enemies and Our Suffering.” For those who are not familiar with Mr. Thurman and Ms. Salzberg, Mrs. Tippett tells us:
“Robert Thurman is professor of Indo-Tibetan Buddhist Studies at Columbia University. He’s also the president of the Tibet House U.S. He is the co-author of Love Your Enemies. His other books include Infinite Life: Awakening to Bliss Within and Inner Revolution.
Sharon Salzberg is a meditation teacher and the cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts. She is the co-author of Love Your Enemies. Her other books include Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation, and Real Happiness at Work: Meditations for Accomplishment, Achievement, and Peace.”
There are many topics which these two wise and thoughtful individuals bring up which are worthy of one’s attention but today I am particularly focused on one of the topics on which they focus.
In the ensuing conversation, which I highly recommend that the reader listen to or read online, Mr. Thurman and Ms. Salzberg discuss the advice or command of Jesus (depending how a particular person hears this) and that of Buddha to love one’s enemy. Mr. Thurman reminds the listener “Most prominently in our memory, although Buddha used the same phrase actually in a slightly different phrasing. Buddha said that hatred will never come to an end by hatred. Only love can overcome hatred is what he said. Although usually in that tradition, the Burmese or Theravada tradition, the Buddhists have a midway station where they talk about hatred and the next step is non-hatred. Then once you got non-hatred going, you can move over toward love and compassion. [laughs]”
As I have thought about this over the past several days I am aware that although I have written extensively on this subject, I have never stopped to seriously ponder the question of who or what constitutes an enemy. Merrian-Webester.com gives the brief definition of enemy as:
· One that is antagonistic to another; especially one seeking to insure, overthrow, or confound an opponent.
· Something harmful or deadly >alcohol was his greatest enemy.>
· A military adversary.
· A hostile unit or force.
What these brief definitions do not address is the question of whether both parties have to define or accept someone as an enemy for the label to apply. I am perfectly aware that there are a number of people who consider me, if not an enemy, someone that they cannot trust and, thus, someone to be avoided. In all cases I have engaged in behavior – by commission or omission – which lead to this state of distrust. The behavior may have been directed against my own body in which case I became “my worst enemy.” Certainly, my former attachment to nicotine and smoking cigarettes treated my body as an enemy. In other cases, I have over a long period of time neglected a relationship, said something hurtful, shared a confidence which the person experienced as a violation of a sacred trust, said something which was misunderstood and not even close to what I intended, or I have in some other way behaved in a way which was experienced as antithetical or antagonistic to what was understood to be terms of the friendship contract. In other words, I am now the opposite of a friend. Some of those people who have now “unfriended” me (to use a common Facebook term) consider a close relationship as emotionally or otherwise dangerous (I am not physically large enough to be considered a physical danger to anyone).
(Etynomline.com (Online Etymology Dictionary) reminds one that the Latin origin of the word enemy is “unfriend.”)
At any rate, many people consider me an enemy even if they do not use that word to now describe me in relationship to them.
Yet, I cannot think of one person among that group – living or dead – who I would label an enemy. Certainly, there are people with whom I feel unable to be present in a loving manner. There are those who have a condition such as an addiction to a drug or another neurological condition who I cannot trust to treat me in a loving manner. There are those who are convinced that I am not a person to be trusted and wish me harm. There are others who do not actively wish me harm but who believe I will cause them harm emotionally or with a word. There are those who are convinced that I might say something in court (often I have testified as an expert witness) who consider me dangerous to their future freedom. I know to avoid putting myself in the presence of some of these people or attempting closeness with them.
Yet, I cannot identify any emotion toward any of these people which would lead me to use the word hate or to say that they are my enemy. I would certainly say that they are unavailable for friendship but if placed in a position which I could offer them practical help – food, clothing, shelter – I would gladly offer to share what I have. This is not magnanimous of me. It is simply a realization that the person is ill, suffering, or unable, for whatever reason, to accept that I am not to be trusted.
Perhaps I am saying that, at the very least, I am able, as the Buddhist would say, to be in a state of non-hate. I would like to think that I have moved to the next stage of loving those who define me as an enemy. I am not sure that I can say that I am ready to love my enemies because I am unable to identify anyone I consider an enemy. I know, as I have indicated, lots of people who, rightly or wrongly, feel hurt or threatened by me, but no one I feel fearful of.
I am again reminded of the main character in Richard Wright’s book, Native Son, who says to the threatening police persons, “There ain't nothing you can do except kill me and that ain’t nothing.” Perhaps because I am 76 years of age and have lived first with a diagnosis of terminal AIDS and then with just a positive HIV diagnosis that I know life is very short and, thus, not much matters. I am committed to practicing not giving anyone the power to make me hate. Notice that I said practicing. I may be deluding self and I do know I have moments of anger, but I cannot now think of anyone I am willing to hate. Perhaps I am willing to say that I hate some conditions such as bipolar depressive illness, addiction or cancer. Perhaps I am willing to say that I hate to see others suffer. Yet, I also know that illness and many forms of suffering are just stops on the way to spiritual growth.
I will commit to being more aware of my thoughts to see if indeed I am being honest about not having enemies or not being willing/able to label others as enemies.
Written December 18, 2016
The past two days I have, not surprisingly to any regular reader of this blog, been listening to this week’s podcast of On Being. This week was a rebroadcast of a conversation Krista Tippett had on January 1, 2015 with Robert Thurman and Sharon Salzberg. The conversation was entitled “Meeting Our Enemies and Our Suffering.” For those who are not familiar with Mr. Thurman and Ms. Salzberg, Mrs. Tippett tells us:
“Robert Thurman is professor of Indo-Tibetan Buddhist Studies at Columbia University. He’s also the president of the Tibet House U.S. He is the co-author of Love Your Enemies. His other books include Infinite Life: Awakening to Bliss Within and Inner Revolution.
Sharon Salzberg is a meditation teacher and the cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts. She is the co-author of Love Your Enemies. Her other books include Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation, and Real Happiness at Work: Meditations for Accomplishment, Achievement, and Peace.”
There are many topics which these two wise and thoughtful individuals bring up which are worthy of one’s attention but today I am particularly focused on one of the topics on which they focus.
In the ensuing conversation, which I highly recommend that the reader listen to or read online, Mr. Thurman and Ms. Salzberg discuss the advice or command of Jesus (depending how a particular person hears this) and that of Buddha to love one’s enemy. Mr. Thurman reminds the listener “Most prominently in our memory, although Buddha used the same phrase actually in a slightly different phrasing. Buddha said that hatred will never come to an end by hatred. Only love can overcome hatred is what he said. Although usually in that tradition, the Burmese or Theravada tradition, the Buddhists have a midway station where they talk about hatred and the next step is non-hatred. Then once you got non-hatred going, you can move over toward love and compassion. [laughs]”
As I have thought about this over the past several days I am aware that although I have written extensively on this subject, I have never stopped to seriously ponder the question of who or what constitutes an enemy. Merrian-Webester.com gives the brief definition of enemy as:
· One that is antagonistic to another; especially one seeking to insure, overthrow, or confound an opponent.
· Something harmful or deadly >alcohol was his greatest enemy.>
· A military adversary.
· A hostile unit or force.
What these brief definitions do not address is the question of whether both parties have to define or accept someone as an enemy for the label to apply. I am perfectly aware that there are a number of people who consider me, if not an enemy, someone that they cannot trust and, thus, someone to be avoided. In all cases I have engaged in behavior – by commission or omission – which lead to this state of distrust. The behavior may have been directed against my own body in which case I became “my worst enemy.” Certainly, my former attachment to nicotine and smoking cigarettes treated my body as an enemy. In other cases, I have over a long period of time neglected a relationship, said something hurtful, shared a confidence which the person experienced as a violation of a sacred trust, said something which was misunderstood and not even close to what I intended, or I have in some other way behaved in a way which was experienced as antithetical or antagonistic to what was understood to be terms of the friendship contract. In other words, I am now the opposite of a friend. Some of those people who have now “unfriended” me (to use a common Facebook term) consider a close relationship as emotionally or otherwise dangerous (I am not physically large enough to be considered a physical danger to anyone).
(Etynomline.com (Online Etymology Dictionary) reminds one that the Latin origin of the word enemy is “unfriend.”)
At any rate, many people consider me an enemy even if they do not use that word to now describe me in relationship to them.
Yet, I cannot think of one person among that group – living or dead – who I would label an enemy. Certainly, there are people with whom I feel unable to be present in a loving manner. There are those who have a condition such as an addiction to a drug or another neurological condition who I cannot trust to treat me in a loving manner. There are those who are convinced that I am not a person to be trusted and wish me harm. There are others who do not actively wish me harm but who believe I will cause them harm emotionally or with a word. There are those who are convinced that I might say something in court (often I have testified as an expert witness) who consider me dangerous to their future freedom. I know to avoid putting myself in the presence of some of these people or attempting closeness with them.
Yet, I cannot identify any emotion toward any of these people which would lead me to use the word hate or to say that they are my enemy. I would certainly say that they are unavailable for friendship but if placed in a position which I could offer them practical help – food, clothing, shelter – I would gladly offer to share what I have. This is not magnanimous of me. It is simply a realization that the person is ill, suffering, or unable, for whatever reason, to accept that I am not to be trusted.
Perhaps I am saying that, at the very least, I am able, as the Buddhist would say, to be in a state of non-hate. I would like to think that I have moved to the next stage of loving those who define me as an enemy. I am not sure that I can say that I am ready to love my enemies because I am unable to identify anyone I consider an enemy. I know, as I have indicated, lots of people who, rightly or wrongly, feel hurt or threatened by me, but no one I feel fearful of.
I am again reminded of the main character in Richard Wright’s book, Native Son, who says to the threatening police persons, “There ain't nothing you can do except kill me and that ain’t nothing.” Perhaps because I am 76 years of age and have lived first with a diagnosis of terminal AIDS and then with just a positive HIV diagnosis that I know life is very short and, thus, not much matters. I am committed to practicing not giving anyone the power to make me hate. Notice that I said practicing. I may be deluding self and I do know I have moments of anger, but I cannot now think of anyone I am willing to hate. Perhaps I am willing to say that I hate some conditions such as bipolar depressive illness, addiction or cancer. Perhaps I am willing to say that I hate to see others suffer. Yet, I also know that illness and many forms of suffering are just stops on the way to spiritual growth.
I will commit to being more aware of my thoughts to see if indeed I am being honest about not having enemies or not being willing/able to label others as enemies.
Written December 18, 2016
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