Sunday Musings – March 20, 2022
Not enough
One of the undeniable facts of being human is that we cannot undo what has already happened. We may, in some cases, be able to make amends or we may be able to make emotional or physical repairs. However, many objects which have sentimental value or are one of a kind cannot be replaced. We cannot undo the hurt we may have deliberately or unwittingly caused one or more people. Putin, for example, can never undo what he has recently been doing in Ukraine. We, the United States, can never undo our invasion of Iraq or Afghanistan. The United States and other countries cannot undo their history of slavery.
We can, of course, take responsibility. We can attempt to make amends to those most directly affected. We can pay the financial price if we are blessed to have the funds to do so. Yet, no matter how much we solicit the helps of the God of our understanding or the use of fairy dust, we cannot expect to redo history although, sadly, we can and do often repeat history.
‘Recently I was involved in an automobile accident. I ran a red light while driving in my car. Somehow, I “saw” the light as changing but it was not. A car coming from down the street I was crossing hit my car. The driver of that car was unable to avoid my car and I was unable to see what was happening and avoid being hit. Both cars were badly damaged, and one person may have been slightly injured. I have no excuse or rational explanation for my behavior. Obviously, something or someone distracted me. There was no one else in the car to distract me. I was not adjusting the radio, the heat, responding to a Bluetooth call or doing anything else which might have distracted me.
For several days after the accident, I obsessively looked for a rational explanation for my behavior. I was unable to find one. I was embarrassed and upset with myself. I found it difficult to accept that I made this significant, potentially life-threatening mistake in judgment. Yet, daily, I suggest to others that they must be lovingly accepting of their humanness. As humans we all make mistakes including, at times, very serious ones. Beating ourselves up, belittling ourselves, attempting to run from the truth by creatively telling ourselves an alternative story will not accomplish anything positive. The only positive steps one can take is to deal with the consequences of one’s actions with non-shameful humility. Shame will not heal or prevent future proof of one’s humanness.
I smile at myself while simultaneously obsessively chiding myself. I am quite aware that I have a good record of dealing with life’s-on-life’s terms. So, what if I am sometimes an anxious, guilty mess while doing so. I have a history of facing and surviving emotionally difficult situations. On those occasions where I had an option to move on or to keep insisting that I can do something to correct an untenable situation I have been known to rub my serenity coin and repeat the mantra of the serenity prayers many times.
The author Richard Carlson reminded us Don’t Sweat the small Stuff and It Is All Small Stuff. In fact, life shows up and we face it as the humans we are. Sometimes we do well and sometimes we do miserably. If wise, we own our mistakes and attempt to learn from them and make amends when we can.
Physical pain is physical pain. If someone is pulling my nails off with pliers or cutting off my finger, I am going to feel intense pain and do all I can to exit the story!! Emotional pain, on the other hand, often has to do with a desire to avoid facing the brevity of this life journey or other aspects of our humanness. In the example I cited here the pain following the accident was self-inflicted by a desire to avoid acceptance of my humanness . That is not going to happen. Other serious life events have and will continue to visit with or without action on my part. Many will not match the story I have written - my expectations; especially my expectations of myself to be less human.
In short, life will show up and we will choose whether to accept life on life’s terms with humility and grace or to endlessly curse ourselves and the god of our understanding for our humanness.
Written March 20, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Not enough
One of the undeniable facts of being human is that we cannot undo what has already happened. We may, in some cases, be able to make amends or we may be able to make emotional or physical repairs. However, many objects which have sentimental value or are one of a kind cannot be replaced. We cannot undo the hurt we may have deliberately or unwittingly caused one or more people. Putin, for example, can never undo what he has recently been doing in Ukraine. We, the United States, can never undo our invasion of Iraq or Afghanistan. The United States and other countries cannot undo their history of slavery.
We can, of course, take responsibility. We can attempt to make amends to those most directly affected. We can pay the financial price if we are blessed to have the funds to do so. Yet, no matter how much we solicit the helps of the God of our understanding or the use of fairy dust, we cannot expect to redo history although, sadly, we can and do often repeat history.
‘Recently I was involved in an automobile accident. I ran a red light while driving in my car. Somehow, I “saw” the light as changing but it was not. A car coming from down the street I was crossing hit my car. The driver of that car was unable to avoid my car and I was unable to see what was happening and avoid being hit. Both cars were badly damaged, and one person may have been slightly injured. I have no excuse or rational explanation for my behavior. Obviously, something or someone distracted me. There was no one else in the car to distract me. I was not adjusting the radio, the heat, responding to a Bluetooth call or doing anything else which might have distracted me.
For several days after the accident, I obsessively looked for a rational explanation for my behavior. I was unable to find one. I was embarrassed and upset with myself. I found it difficult to accept that I made this significant, potentially life-threatening mistake in judgment. Yet, daily, I suggest to others that they must be lovingly accepting of their humanness. As humans we all make mistakes including, at times, very serious ones. Beating ourselves up, belittling ourselves, attempting to run from the truth by creatively telling ourselves an alternative story will not accomplish anything positive. The only positive steps one can take is to deal with the consequences of one’s actions with non-shameful humility. Shame will not heal or prevent future proof of one’s humanness.
I smile at myself while simultaneously obsessively chiding myself. I am quite aware that I have a good record of dealing with life’s-on-life’s terms. So, what if I am sometimes an anxious, guilty mess while doing so. I have a history of facing and surviving emotionally difficult situations. On those occasions where I had an option to move on or to keep insisting that I can do something to correct an untenable situation I have been known to rub my serenity coin and repeat the mantra of the serenity prayers many times.
The author Richard Carlson reminded us Don’t Sweat the small Stuff and It Is All Small Stuff. In fact, life shows up and we face it as the humans we are. Sometimes we do well and sometimes we do miserably. If wise, we own our mistakes and attempt to learn from them and make amends when we can.
Physical pain is physical pain. If someone is pulling my nails off with pliers or cutting off my finger, I am going to feel intense pain and do all I can to exit the story!! Emotional pain, on the other hand, often has to do with a desire to avoid facing the brevity of this life journey or other aspects of our humanness. In the example I cited here the pain following the accident was self-inflicted by a desire to avoid acceptance of my humanness . That is not going to happen. Other serious life events have and will continue to visit with or without action on my part. Many will not match the story I have written - my expectations; especially my expectations of myself to be less human.
In short, life will show up and we will choose whether to accept life on life’s terms with humility and grace or to endlessly curse ourselves and the god of our understanding for our humanness.
Written March 20, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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