Sunday Musings - May 12, 2024
USA - Mother’s Day
In the USA, today is set aside to honor mothers. Of course, we know there are MOTHERS and there are mothers. All biological mothers and MOTHERS have gone through the emotional and physical joy and discomfort of carrying a child for an average of 9 months. Some of those have gone on to raise a child physically and emotionally. For those who have children who may be challenged intellectually or have a disease which affects the ability to have a shared reality parenting may be hands on for a lifetime.
There are also many mothers and MOTHERS who were not the woman who was physically pregnant. This includes formal and informal adoptive and foster MOTHERS and a great many grandparents, aunts/uncles, and some males who fulfill the role we typically assign to females.
MOTHERS in capital letters are those who can be physically and emotionally connected to their children; the ones who are able to commit to being on duty 24 hours a day with or without a partner who shares at least 50% in their care. These can be biological and adoptive mothers or fathers who are able to fulfill this role. It may include some foster mothers and exclude others. Ideally adoptive and foster mothers undergo rigorous testing to determine if, in fact, they can and will be MOTHERS. Sadly, overworked social workers and other factors have diluted the effectiveness of the testing.
In the United States many seem to have the idea that honoring and supporting the role of MOTHERS simply demands a once-a-year box of chocolates, flowers and perhaps dinner out. We do not honor MOTHERS with free childcare as needed, household help, paid maternity care, good health care, transportation, money for those “extras” which ensure access to a good college, and other essential extras such as dance lessons, sporting equipment, music lessons or paid, professional tutors when needed. Depending on the state in which one lives it may or may not be relatively easy to access health care insurance, food stamps, or housing.
In other words when it comes to supporting MOTHERS in the USA, we may do so one day of the 365 days a year. We do not walk the talk all year long.
We have also, for the most part, adopted and promoted a nuclear family concept in the United States. This means one adult person (usually female) and possibly one other adult plus children. (Depending on which source one consults there are as many as 11 million single parents in the United States, 80% of which are single mothers.). Often if there are two parents one or both are working outside the home much of the day although some are lucky enough to work remotely or to be full time parents. There are homeless mothers, many who are struggling with mental illness, some who are legal or illegal refugees and those who may float from one category to another. There are also mothers in prison, many of whose primarily offense is having a mental illness.
There are a few MOTHERS who have the support of extended family members, but many do not. Some of those may live with extended family members, but this was not the primary model offered to many young parents. Also, just as there are mothers and MOTHERS there are grandparents and GRANDPARENTS.
There are a few intentional communities in the United States whose members understand childcare to be a village responsibility 365 days a year.
Thus, even though we have a significant percentage of individuals in the USA who are “pro-life” meaning they are opposed to abortions and even birth control, it seems seldom to be the case that these individuals actively support the resources needed for optimal and effective parenting for the life of the child.
It is true many individuals do have the “luxuries” which my mother did not have for a significant number of her child rearing years. This includes gas or electric ranges, central heat and air conditioning, automatic washers and dryers, electric irons, and a host of other “helpers”. This does ease the burden but none of those operate without some human help. Unlike using Alexa to order goods from Amazon, I cannot yet say to my electric range “Kill the fatted chicken and prepare chicken Marsa.”
If we truly intend to continue the human species in the USA, we need to begin to walk the talk; to act as if childcare is truly the responsibility of the village. Then and only then will Mother’s Day be meaningful for MOTHERS and not just another occasion to support florists, chocolatiers, and restaurants. These are worthwhile, but they cannot make up for the lack of day-to-day support of MOTHERS.
Written May 12, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
USA - Mother’s Day
In the USA, today is set aside to honor mothers. Of course, we know there are MOTHERS and there are mothers. All biological mothers and MOTHERS have gone through the emotional and physical joy and discomfort of carrying a child for an average of 9 months. Some of those have gone on to raise a child physically and emotionally. For those who have children who may be challenged intellectually or have a disease which affects the ability to have a shared reality parenting may be hands on for a lifetime.
There are also many mothers and MOTHERS who were not the woman who was physically pregnant. This includes formal and informal adoptive and foster MOTHERS and a great many grandparents, aunts/uncles, and some males who fulfill the role we typically assign to females.
MOTHERS in capital letters are those who can be physically and emotionally connected to their children; the ones who are able to commit to being on duty 24 hours a day with or without a partner who shares at least 50% in their care. These can be biological and adoptive mothers or fathers who are able to fulfill this role. It may include some foster mothers and exclude others. Ideally adoptive and foster mothers undergo rigorous testing to determine if, in fact, they can and will be MOTHERS. Sadly, overworked social workers and other factors have diluted the effectiveness of the testing.
In the United States many seem to have the idea that honoring and supporting the role of MOTHERS simply demands a once-a-year box of chocolates, flowers and perhaps dinner out. We do not honor MOTHERS with free childcare as needed, household help, paid maternity care, good health care, transportation, money for those “extras” which ensure access to a good college, and other essential extras such as dance lessons, sporting equipment, music lessons or paid, professional tutors when needed. Depending on the state in which one lives it may or may not be relatively easy to access health care insurance, food stamps, or housing.
In other words when it comes to supporting MOTHERS in the USA, we may do so one day of the 365 days a year. We do not walk the talk all year long.
We have also, for the most part, adopted and promoted a nuclear family concept in the United States. This means one adult person (usually female) and possibly one other adult plus children. (Depending on which source one consults there are as many as 11 million single parents in the United States, 80% of which are single mothers.). Often if there are two parents one or both are working outside the home much of the day although some are lucky enough to work remotely or to be full time parents. There are homeless mothers, many who are struggling with mental illness, some who are legal or illegal refugees and those who may float from one category to another. There are also mothers in prison, many of whose primarily offense is having a mental illness.
There are a few MOTHERS who have the support of extended family members, but many do not. Some of those may live with extended family members, but this was not the primary model offered to many young parents. Also, just as there are mothers and MOTHERS there are grandparents and GRANDPARENTS.
There are a few intentional communities in the United States whose members understand childcare to be a village responsibility 365 days a year.
Thus, even though we have a significant percentage of individuals in the USA who are “pro-life” meaning they are opposed to abortions and even birth control, it seems seldom to be the case that these individuals actively support the resources needed for optimal and effective parenting for the life of the child.
It is true many individuals do have the “luxuries” which my mother did not have for a significant number of her child rearing years. This includes gas or electric ranges, central heat and air conditioning, automatic washers and dryers, electric irons, and a host of other “helpers”. This does ease the burden but none of those operate without some human help. Unlike using Alexa to order goods from Amazon, I cannot yet say to my electric range “Kill the fatted chicken and prepare chicken Marsa.”
If we truly intend to continue the human species in the USA, we need to begin to walk the talk; to act as if childcare is truly the responsibility of the village. Then and only then will Mother’s Day be meaningful for MOTHERS and not just another occasion to support florists, chocolatiers, and restaurants. These are worthwhile, but they cannot make up for the lack of day-to-day support of MOTHERS.
Written May 12, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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