Sunday Musings – May 14, 2017
In the United States this is the day which has been set aside to honor mothers. Many will not celebrate it because it is seen as just another faux holiday to allow retailers to induce guilt for not buying one’s mother something. To others it is a day to recall pleasant memories or even a current loving relationship with the wisest, most honest person they know. To still others it is a day of grief over the too early (always too early) death of one’s mother. To an increasing number it is a day to pray that their mother be released from a life of pain and/or disappearance into the never-never land of dementia. For some whose biological mother did not receive the nurturing gene that all females are “supposed to possess,” it is a time to either feed the anger and resentment or to give thanks for those who were able to provide the nurturing, wise guidance and love that is so needed by every child.
There are also what I call the aunty moms, grandmothers and apron-garbed men whose chromosomal biology did not determine their particular gifts and talents. These last are those men who are sometimes better suited than the female in the family to provide the nurturing guidance we generally assign to the role of mothers.
To still other people in the United States, this commercial “Mother’s Day” is a poignant reminder that the other 364 days of the year the overall culture of the United States does not seem to value the job of parenting. Despite cries of despair about the lack of daily guidance, supervision, and nurturance, we in the United States do not often reward those who put child care/parenting above the call of the career ladder. We force many parents to choose between health insurance, decent housing, and the money for the so-called extras such as braces, expensive sports equipment, the expensive phones, introduction to music art and other food for the soul and full time parenting. We often blame parents for not noticing the depression, other mental illnesses, getting behind in academics or the angry plans to wipe out a group people. We withhold good incomes, promotions, retirement, accolades and the ability to keep growing and learning from those who do make the choice to be a “stay at home parent.” We may provide housing assistance, medical cards (sometimes) and other assistance but we make sure that the folks receiving that aid have a career/job plan and do not mix with the respected members of the community on a regular basis.
Unless there is a special program, scholarship or one is lucky enough to live in a city with free transportation and free admission to events and places, poor people do not go take their children to the museums, symphony performances, opera performances, or to special programs or summer cultural camps.
Yesterday I went to the Carnegie Museum of Art. This required first that I have a car which is in reasonably good condition, gas for the car, admission fee, and money for parking and possibly lunch. At the museum, I saw a lot of families with an average of 2 children (not arrived at scientifically). If one has the time and means to go regularly, one may purchase a family membership for $150.00 a year or a premium membership for $250.00 a year. One can now even pay the membership fee on a monthly installment basis. To be fair there are also a couple of times each week when one can go for half price. If, however, one does not have an annual membership which includes access to several other Pittsburgh museums the cost for a family day trip would be:
· Transportation (average $8.00)
· 2 adult tickets $39.90
· 2 child tickets $23.90
· Lunch (not at museum café): $30.00
Friday night I attended a performance of the Wheeling Symphony. Cost of two tickets (I took a friend who had recently treated me to a much more expensive cultural performance, dinner and transportation) for a cost of $64.00. I cooked a simple meal for the two of us prior to concert. There were tickets for as little as $16.00 each plus $4.00 handling fee per ticket. (I am well aware or at least aware that concert tickets or even sporting event tickets are much more.) My point is that those of us on a fixed income or low income cannot afford to do this very often, if at all. If one is choosing to be a stay at home parent and one’s partner makes only a minimal income, one cannot afford the so-called extras which feed the soul of oneself and one’s children.
My point is that we have designed a system which is seldom supportive of or enhancing of effective parenting. Yet, we are often quick to point fingers at the parents whose child is not doing well academically, emotionally, mentally or physically.
Commercial holiday or not I am pleased that the United States wants to honor the sacred role of mothers and next month fathers. Yet, if we truly want to honor the importance of daily being able to nurture and care for children emotionally, mentally, physically, nutritionally we may want to explore the possible components of a truly family-friendly community. It may be that we cannot, after all, have it all:
· Demanding jobs which pay decently but leave little time or energy for families.
· The nuclear family concept.
· Freedom to move away from the biological extended family.
· Large home, expensive private cars and other “things.”
· The latest technological smart equipment.
· The “right” outfit for every occasion.
· Private cars and little public transportation.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Written May 14, 2017
In the United States this is the day which has been set aside to honor mothers. Many will not celebrate it because it is seen as just another faux holiday to allow retailers to induce guilt for not buying one’s mother something. To others it is a day to recall pleasant memories or even a current loving relationship with the wisest, most honest person they know. To still others it is a day of grief over the too early (always too early) death of one’s mother. To an increasing number it is a day to pray that their mother be released from a life of pain and/or disappearance into the never-never land of dementia. For some whose biological mother did not receive the nurturing gene that all females are “supposed to possess,” it is a time to either feed the anger and resentment or to give thanks for those who were able to provide the nurturing, wise guidance and love that is so needed by every child.
There are also what I call the aunty moms, grandmothers and apron-garbed men whose chromosomal biology did not determine their particular gifts and talents. These last are those men who are sometimes better suited than the female in the family to provide the nurturing guidance we generally assign to the role of mothers.
To still other people in the United States, this commercial “Mother’s Day” is a poignant reminder that the other 364 days of the year the overall culture of the United States does not seem to value the job of parenting. Despite cries of despair about the lack of daily guidance, supervision, and nurturance, we in the United States do not often reward those who put child care/parenting above the call of the career ladder. We force many parents to choose between health insurance, decent housing, and the money for the so-called extras such as braces, expensive sports equipment, the expensive phones, introduction to music art and other food for the soul and full time parenting. We often blame parents for not noticing the depression, other mental illnesses, getting behind in academics or the angry plans to wipe out a group people. We withhold good incomes, promotions, retirement, accolades and the ability to keep growing and learning from those who do make the choice to be a “stay at home parent.” We may provide housing assistance, medical cards (sometimes) and other assistance but we make sure that the folks receiving that aid have a career/job plan and do not mix with the respected members of the community on a regular basis.
Unless there is a special program, scholarship or one is lucky enough to live in a city with free transportation and free admission to events and places, poor people do not go take their children to the museums, symphony performances, opera performances, or to special programs or summer cultural camps.
Yesterday I went to the Carnegie Museum of Art. This required first that I have a car which is in reasonably good condition, gas for the car, admission fee, and money for parking and possibly lunch. At the museum, I saw a lot of families with an average of 2 children (not arrived at scientifically). If one has the time and means to go regularly, one may purchase a family membership for $150.00 a year or a premium membership for $250.00 a year. One can now even pay the membership fee on a monthly installment basis. To be fair there are also a couple of times each week when one can go for half price. If, however, one does not have an annual membership which includes access to several other Pittsburgh museums the cost for a family day trip would be:
· Transportation (average $8.00)
· 2 adult tickets $39.90
· 2 child tickets $23.90
· Lunch (not at museum café): $30.00
Friday night I attended a performance of the Wheeling Symphony. Cost of two tickets (I took a friend who had recently treated me to a much more expensive cultural performance, dinner and transportation) for a cost of $64.00. I cooked a simple meal for the two of us prior to concert. There were tickets for as little as $16.00 each plus $4.00 handling fee per ticket. (I am well aware or at least aware that concert tickets or even sporting event tickets are much more.) My point is that those of us on a fixed income or low income cannot afford to do this very often, if at all. If one is choosing to be a stay at home parent and one’s partner makes only a minimal income, one cannot afford the so-called extras which feed the soul of oneself and one’s children.
My point is that we have designed a system which is seldom supportive of or enhancing of effective parenting. Yet, we are often quick to point fingers at the parents whose child is not doing well academically, emotionally, mentally or physically.
Commercial holiday or not I am pleased that the United States wants to honor the sacred role of mothers and next month fathers. Yet, if we truly want to honor the importance of daily being able to nurture and care for children emotionally, mentally, physically, nutritionally we may want to explore the possible components of a truly family-friendly community. It may be that we cannot, after all, have it all:
· Demanding jobs which pay decently but leave little time or energy for families.
· The nuclear family concept.
· Freedom to move away from the biological extended family.
· Large home, expensive private cars and other “things.”
· The latest technological smart equipment.
· The “right” outfit for every occasion.
· Private cars and little public transportation.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Written May 14, 2017
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