Sunday Musings - May 23, 2021
Hurt people hurt people
As is true for many individuals and especially those living in Palestine and Israel, I am grateful for the temporary cease fire. Of course, everyone is acutely aware that fighting could resume anytime. We are also acutely aware that fighting continues in many places on a community and often national level. In the United States mass shootings as well as violence between individuals in homes and in public places takes place daily. Just this morning I read of two men who got into an argument, pulled out guns and shot each other. The use of lethal force by police in these United States continues to be an all-too-common experience leaving both officers and private citizens dead and/or otherwise traumatized. In the United States the private sales of guns, in addition to the guns manufactured and sold to individuals and government bodies, keep rising. So many of us humans are convinced that we have the right to protect possessions and people by killing others.
Most of us know that our anger is almost always a shield to hide the history of pain from actual or imagined events. We know pain may, at times, be a symptom of exhaustion from not getting the emotional, physical, or spiritual food we need to survive. It may be related to a history of abuse in this or former life journeys. It may be related to fear originating in an injured or damaged brain.
In other words, we know that hurt people hurt people. We can easily trace the history of pain of Palestinians and the Jewish people. We can easily trace the history of the pain of those who have inflicted pain on Palestinians and Jews long before the post-World War II creation of the Israeli State. We can also easily trace the history of pain of individual Germans such as Hitler or the German people post World War I. Vera Britain in her three volume Testament of Youth does a commendable job of connecting these events. Alice Miller, the psychiatris, in several of her works details the connection between traumatic events and the cruel dysfunction of famous people such as Hitler. We do not need a social scientist to trace the relationship between our own pain and our unkind thoughts and behavior.
We know all this and yet we continue to justify our individual and collective hurtful behavior by neatly dividing us humans into groups which we label as good, moral, bad, criminal, evil a plethora of other labels.
Father Greg Boyle, the author and the priest who works with and for those who are trying to leave the violent life of Los Angeles gang membership, traces the history of pain which leads to survival behavior which is then labeled as bad or criminal. His books includes Tattoos on the Heart, Barking to the Choir - The Power of Radical Kinship and Shoulder to Shoulder.
Wise teachers such as Jesus, stated the obvious when he is credited in the Gospel of Matthew (5:43-44) with saying, “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” If hurt people hurt people; if bad behavior stems from pain, then it should be obvious that love and not hate can heal. We are not, of course in charge of whether someone can receive our love. Many factors will affect that possibility. We can only genuinely offer love. We can only refuse to cause more pain. How many times must we respond to have with love? Again, we turn to that wise teacher, Jesus. In Matthew 18:21-22 it is reported: “Then came Peter to him (Jesus), and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but seventy times seven.”
Hurt people do not find it easy to trust. They are not likely to allow love to touch their pain the first or even the tenth time. There may be nothing in their history that tells them it is safe to trust love. Yet, our only power is to not add to the pain. If enough of us consistently refuse to respond to pain with pain, we will stop the cycle of violence. We will refuse to do our part to keep the cycle going.
Sounds simple but, obviously, if a bomb has just killed your family and blown up your home, it is not simple or easy to respond with love. Yet, that is exactly how the people at the synagogue in Pittsburgh responded and that is exactly how the people in a North Carolina church responded following violent deaths at their place of workshop. “Father forgive them for they know not what their so.” If they can refuse to respond to hate/fear/violence with hate and violence so can we. Every time we do so it gets easier. Soon this behavior is embedded in our muscle memory.
Written May 23, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Hurt people hurt people
As is true for many individuals and especially those living in Palestine and Israel, I am grateful for the temporary cease fire. Of course, everyone is acutely aware that fighting could resume anytime. We are also acutely aware that fighting continues in many places on a community and often national level. In the United States mass shootings as well as violence between individuals in homes and in public places takes place daily. Just this morning I read of two men who got into an argument, pulled out guns and shot each other. The use of lethal force by police in these United States continues to be an all-too-common experience leaving both officers and private citizens dead and/or otherwise traumatized. In the United States the private sales of guns, in addition to the guns manufactured and sold to individuals and government bodies, keep rising. So many of us humans are convinced that we have the right to protect possessions and people by killing others.
Most of us know that our anger is almost always a shield to hide the history of pain from actual or imagined events. We know pain may, at times, be a symptom of exhaustion from not getting the emotional, physical, or spiritual food we need to survive. It may be related to a history of abuse in this or former life journeys. It may be related to fear originating in an injured or damaged brain.
In other words, we know that hurt people hurt people. We can easily trace the history of pain of Palestinians and the Jewish people. We can easily trace the history of the pain of those who have inflicted pain on Palestinians and Jews long before the post-World War II creation of the Israeli State. We can also easily trace the history of pain of individual Germans such as Hitler or the German people post World War I. Vera Britain in her three volume Testament of Youth does a commendable job of connecting these events. Alice Miller, the psychiatris, in several of her works details the connection between traumatic events and the cruel dysfunction of famous people such as Hitler. We do not need a social scientist to trace the relationship between our own pain and our unkind thoughts and behavior.
We know all this and yet we continue to justify our individual and collective hurtful behavior by neatly dividing us humans into groups which we label as good, moral, bad, criminal, evil a plethora of other labels.
Father Greg Boyle, the author and the priest who works with and for those who are trying to leave the violent life of Los Angeles gang membership, traces the history of pain which leads to survival behavior which is then labeled as bad or criminal. His books includes Tattoos on the Heart, Barking to the Choir - The Power of Radical Kinship and Shoulder to Shoulder.
Wise teachers such as Jesus, stated the obvious when he is credited in the Gospel of Matthew (5:43-44) with saying, “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” If hurt people hurt people; if bad behavior stems from pain, then it should be obvious that love and not hate can heal. We are not, of course in charge of whether someone can receive our love. Many factors will affect that possibility. We can only genuinely offer love. We can only refuse to cause more pain. How many times must we respond to have with love? Again, we turn to that wise teacher, Jesus. In Matthew 18:21-22 it is reported: “Then came Peter to him (Jesus), and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but seventy times seven.”
Hurt people do not find it easy to trust. They are not likely to allow love to touch their pain the first or even the tenth time. There may be nothing in their history that tells them it is safe to trust love. Yet, our only power is to not add to the pain. If enough of us consistently refuse to respond to pain with pain, we will stop the cycle of violence. We will refuse to do our part to keep the cycle going.
Sounds simple but, obviously, if a bomb has just killed your family and blown up your home, it is not simple or easy to respond with love. Yet, that is exactly how the people at the synagogue in Pittsburgh responded and that is exactly how the people in a North Carolina church responded following violent deaths at their place of workshop. “Father forgive them for they know not what their so.” If they can refuse to respond to hate/fear/violence with hate and violence so can we. Every time we do so it gets easier. Soon this behavior is embedded in our muscle memory.
Written May 23, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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