Sunday Musings - November 6, 2022
The gift of “both”
Most of us may “know” reality is determined by our individual brain and not by “what is out there”. Sometimes our brains only see the darkness; what is not possible, the winter of life; the absence of color and movement. Sometimes our brains see only the positives, all roses and goodness. Some few lucky individuals see both the colors and the absence of color, the movement and the stillness.
Consider the wake. My experience of the protocol of the wake which is practiced in some cultures is it supports both the depth of wailing and uplifting lightness: a gathering to support each other in the grief which often reaches into the reservoir of one’s soul which may have been collecting for many centuries and the well of fresh water of joyful laugher.
Many factors seem to determine the reality one experiences. We know that clinical depression which may be caused, in part, by chemical imbalance or some other physical condition, affects the firing of neurons and, thus, the experience of reality. We know sometimes the accumulation of losses - often one after another -may clog the pathway to hope. We know that brain diseases which affect the very structure or construction of the brain determine what sone experience as reality. Additionally, we know that certain cultural, religious, moral and even political influences affect the reality one wants or needs to experience. In other words, one may see, hear or otherwise experience what one decides is expedient or morally acceptable. In some case one may deliberately construct a reality and then repeat it so often that one sincerely believes it to be what a shared reality.
Some behavioral researchers talk about the process of moral cleansing and moral licensing. Moral cleaning may occur when one does something one perceives as morally good to make up for, compensate, or clean of the slate of a deed or behavior one believed was morally bad. Moral licensing is the process of rewarding oneself with an unhealthy or otherwise undesirable behavior proceeding a good, self-sacrificing or morally positive behavior. These behaviors may be practiced until they become an identification of self. These contrived or created realities are often the result of our need to have others or ourselves believe one is a good or morally decent person,
If the above is true, one might postulate it is pointless and a waste of time to argue about reality; about what did not did not occur; about what a person said or did. Certainly, one can say: The reality I experienced or remembered was….” That may certainly be what I remember or want to be true. One may also truthfully state “I experienced an event as both joyful and incredibly sad.” This is accurate. Someone else will may experience the same event as only incredibly sad or merely joyful.
If one is able to accept that there may be many versions of the same event one can explore possible areas of agreement; a decision to agree or disagree; to restate what one wants the other to hear or see. Thus, one might say, What I intended to communicate or what I needed you to hear was …”. One might also say, “I believe X to be true.” That is a much different statement than, “X is true.” Alfred Nobel who bequeathed his fortune to establish the Nobel Prizes believed that peace could only be achieved if both parties had enough weapons to destroy the other. Many still believe creating this reality will assure peace. Many do not. Alfred Nobel invented the process for creating dynamite from nitro glycerin which could be used in the construction industry or for other socially desirable purposes. It could, as we know, we used by terrorists or other violent people. One might say then that dynamite is both good and bad or neither, in and of itself, good or bad.
A recent study found that those who go to the gym regularly are more likely to drink more alcohol than is healthy, one person might then conclude that going to the gym is unhealthy or going to the gym leads to the abusive use of alcohol. Someone else might suggest that going to the gym is healthy but could lead to moral licensing; to deceiving oneself that one deserves and can safely drink an excessive amount of alcohol.
Given all the above, it is amazing that we humans ever experience any shared reality. It would seem that much would be gained by accepting that the goal is to share our unique realities and as often as possible, patiently search for ways to appreciate and peacefully live with both realities. Surely there is ample evidence that arguing which reality is “the reality” is a futile and life sucking exercise.
Written November 6, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
The gift of “both”
Most of us may “know” reality is determined by our individual brain and not by “what is out there”. Sometimes our brains only see the darkness; what is not possible, the winter of life; the absence of color and movement. Sometimes our brains see only the positives, all roses and goodness. Some few lucky individuals see both the colors and the absence of color, the movement and the stillness.
Consider the wake. My experience of the protocol of the wake which is practiced in some cultures is it supports both the depth of wailing and uplifting lightness: a gathering to support each other in the grief which often reaches into the reservoir of one’s soul which may have been collecting for many centuries and the well of fresh water of joyful laugher.
Many factors seem to determine the reality one experiences. We know that clinical depression which may be caused, in part, by chemical imbalance or some other physical condition, affects the firing of neurons and, thus, the experience of reality. We know sometimes the accumulation of losses - often one after another -may clog the pathway to hope. We know that brain diseases which affect the very structure or construction of the brain determine what sone experience as reality. Additionally, we know that certain cultural, religious, moral and even political influences affect the reality one wants or needs to experience. In other words, one may see, hear or otherwise experience what one decides is expedient or morally acceptable. In some case one may deliberately construct a reality and then repeat it so often that one sincerely believes it to be what a shared reality.
Some behavioral researchers talk about the process of moral cleansing and moral licensing. Moral cleaning may occur when one does something one perceives as morally good to make up for, compensate, or clean of the slate of a deed or behavior one believed was morally bad. Moral licensing is the process of rewarding oneself with an unhealthy or otherwise undesirable behavior proceeding a good, self-sacrificing or morally positive behavior. These behaviors may be practiced until they become an identification of self. These contrived or created realities are often the result of our need to have others or ourselves believe one is a good or morally decent person,
If the above is true, one might postulate it is pointless and a waste of time to argue about reality; about what did not did not occur; about what a person said or did. Certainly, one can say: The reality I experienced or remembered was….” That may certainly be what I remember or want to be true. One may also truthfully state “I experienced an event as both joyful and incredibly sad.” This is accurate. Someone else will may experience the same event as only incredibly sad or merely joyful.
If one is able to accept that there may be many versions of the same event one can explore possible areas of agreement; a decision to agree or disagree; to restate what one wants the other to hear or see. Thus, one might say, What I intended to communicate or what I needed you to hear was …”. One might also say, “I believe X to be true.” That is a much different statement than, “X is true.” Alfred Nobel who bequeathed his fortune to establish the Nobel Prizes believed that peace could only be achieved if both parties had enough weapons to destroy the other. Many still believe creating this reality will assure peace. Many do not. Alfred Nobel invented the process for creating dynamite from nitro glycerin which could be used in the construction industry or for other socially desirable purposes. It could, as we know, we used by terrorists or other violent people. One might say then that dynamite is both good and bad or neither, in and of itself, good or bad.
A recent study found that those who go to the gym regularly are more likely to drink more alcohol than is healthy, one person might then conclude that going to the gym is unhealthy or going to the gym leads to the abusive use of alcohol. Someone else might suggest that going to the gym is healthy but could lead to moral licensing; to deceiving oneself that one deserves and can safely drink an excessive amount of alcohol.
Given all the above, it is amazing that we humans ever experience any shared reality. It would seem that much would be gained by accepting that the goal is to share our unique realities and as often as possible, patiently search for ways to appreciate and peacefully live with both realities. Surely there is ample evidence that arguing which reality is “the reality” is a futile and life sucking exercise.
Written November 6, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
RSS Feed