Sunday Musings - November 7, 2021
Raising children
In the United States many communities, including some states, have just elected new government officials. In at least one state the new governor ran, in part, on the assertion and the promise that parents are best equipped to make decisions about the care and education of their children. This applies to decisions about such issues as vaccinations and whether one teaches a redacted or even false version of history and gender.
The story line is the majority of children are living with two reasonably healthy parents who want the best for all in the community. This story lines about the makeup of families may be inaccurate.
In fact, in a November 2019 Forbes article by Soulalaima Goulami entitled “What does have a ‘real’ family mean.” states that researchers have found as many as 2/3 of children are living in a non-traditional household.
statista.com reports that in 2020 15.31 million children were living with a single mother in the United States and about 3.27 million were living with a single father. According to. 2019 Pew study about 1/4 of children in the United States live with one parent with no other adults in the home. Of those 3/4 living with 2 parents a significant number are living in a home where at least one parent is actively addicted and/or living with untreated or minimally treated mental illness.
This means that a very significant percentage of children are living with a parent or parents who are severely impaired due to illness, exhaustion or some combination of factors. Ifoster.com reports that in November of 2020 approximately 424,000 children were living in a foster home. Roughly 50% of those were living with a non-relative. The average age of these children was 6 1/2.
Some researchers report up to 250,000 children are tried and incarcerated as adults every year in the United States and over 76,000 more are incarcerated as juveniles. They number is higher in many reports. Other studies indicate an average of 2.5 million children have at least one currently incarcerated parent.
One can debate specific statistics but in all the studies there is a clear indication a relatively few number of children in the United States are living in a healthy, stable two parent household or in a healthy, stable, one parent household. When one talks about parents being the best people to make decisions about the health and education of their children there is almost never any acknowledgment that this may or may be be true for at at minimum of 50% of children. If we additionally include those legally assigned parental rights whose decisions are guided by misinformation, prejudice/hate, or other factors which work against building a healthy community, one wonders why any educated person would think that parents or parent figures are necessarily the best equipped to make health and educational decisions for children. Yet many individuals, including some called family experts, maintain that the nuclear family is best equipped to raise children and to make ethical and healthy decisions about the health and education of their children.
There are communities in which most children live in a one or two parent home, but the care of the children is a community event. There is still, in some communities, the tight knit church family where childrearing is a community event. In these communities my sense is that there are generally shared value systems and, thus, general agreement how to discipline/teach and what to teach. There may still also be that relatively rare Madera figure who fulfills the Solomon role and has absolute authority.
I personally know some very heathy and loving parents who are committed to making decisions about the health and education of their children which take into account the health and welfare of the entire community. Sadly, for some of the reasons I have mentioned that is often not the norm.
Nuclear family, parents, and values are words which are great sound bites for politicians at any level of government. These words are similar to “gun rights” or “second amendment rights”. They are very close to being tautologies. The sound as if they have a shared meaning and provide a base from which to begin a discussion but do, they really? If we set aside the sound bite for a moment, is it remotely possible for us to articulate some core questions? Question such as:
o Do we want to strive to honor the preamble to the Declaration of Independence? “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
o Do we want to strive to honor the preamble to the Constitution of these United States? “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”
o Do we believe that in the long run, “The truth shall make us free.”?
o Do we want to build a world for our children which is sustainable, just, and inclusive?
o Are historians, scientists, medical personnel and spiritual leaders together best equipped to make educated guesses about what is best for our children and ourselves?
o Are we brave enough to face the reality of who is currently raising our children and making important decisions which affect the entire community?
These and related questions are tough and require enormous bravery and strength. I believe together we can access that level of bravery and strength.
Written November 4, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
RSS Feed