Sunday musings – October 23, 2016
The highlight of the week was a visit from my son. He is now back in Los Angeles where he has been living for several years. While he was here we visited with several folks. Since I have just returned to Wheeling to live, he enjoyed exploring the historic architecture, seeing some terrific artwork and enjoying dad’s cooking. We did get to Pittsburgh briefly although a heavy rain limited wandering around as we had planned. We also attended a performance of the Wheeling Symphony which, to my delight, performed a pops concert to a very appreciative audience which filled nearly all the seats.
Mostly we visited and enjoyed settling into my new home – often in separate corners. I love the feeling of having someone in my home who is comfortable just reading separate books together. I especially appreciate being able to do that with my son Jamie.
Of course, the week also included normal chorettes, time with clients, writing and, despite my resolve not to do so, reacting to the words and actions of political candidates and getting inpatient with some pending issues in my life such as the ongoing saga of the delay in closing on the sale of my Florida condo and other issues.
I also visited with friends from Florida who had been in Morgantown visiting family and friends. My dear friend Becky was in Pittsburgh conducting workshop. She met Jamie and me in Washington, Pa. for lunch.
On this lazy Sunday morning which has not been interrupted by fresh news – positive or negative – other than just email and text notes from friends – it is easy to remember that not much is important in this brief life journey except how well I love. I started to write “how well we love each other.” but that little file drawer in my life quickly ejected a reminder that I only have control over how well I love. Life has certainly provided me many opportunities to learn and relearn and relearn this lesson. I seem to quickly forget this lesson and then, if not careful, “find myself” ruminating about how someone else is responding or not responding to me. Parenting has, of course, provided many opportunities for me to practice this spiritual lesson although as both my son and I age we seem to be very comfortable just accepting where we are in the moment. That is not always the case with others, although I must admit that it is the case with most people I know and love. Yet, when I am reminded that someone else with whom I thought I had a very solid friendship reminds me that I can do or say something which, for them, destroys the relationship, I find myself wanting to defend myself and to work on restoring their trusting love. At those times I seem to quickly forget that I only have to do my best to be the most loving human I can be today. As we all know, it is the humanness which can cause the bonds of friendship to be broken. It seems, at least to me, that once a person loses trust, for whatever reason, there is no way to reclaim the friendship one thought was possible. This seems to be true even when one does not understand why an action was so damaging of the trust. Of course, we “know” that a behavior that might not push a fear button for me will be a significant button for someone else. We are fully cognizant of the fact that we each bring a history of experience to every friendship and that each experience is connected by many sensations and associations. The other person might or might not know what word, action, or feeling causes such a strong reaction to something we said or did. They might say and believe that such and such action of ours was, of course, the most obvious violation of trust one could have committed assuming that we can easily understand. Yet, hearing their words, does not always register for us the way it does for them.
Sunday mornings for me are associated with the Christian religion and attending church where I often felt as if I needed to beg for love despite my obvious inability to be a person worthy of love. Yet, at times, I knew that the teachings of Jesus, as I later learned about the teachings of others spiritual leaders, stressed unconditional love. For goodness sake, Jesus even exhorted one to “love one’s enemy.” How is this possible? Surely Jesus knew that it is often insane to trust one’s enemy. Duh! That is why they are an enemy. They are not trustworthy. Perhaps I am not understanding or conveniently forgetting that the love that Jesus is talking about is unconditional and, thus, not dependent on such factors as trust. What then does it involve? I have previously discussed the various Greek words for love which are much more precise than the single word love in the English language. Yet, in English I am stuck with this rather vague word which, in this context, is imbued with the power to reach deep beyond actions, thoughts, costumes, roles and the sometimes complicated imperfection of one’s humanness into the very essence of one’s eternal light. This is then what I am asked to do - to see beyond the obvious to the core of one’s being. Moreover, I am “asked” or “expected” to only focus on my willingness to love which does not need any positive or negative action on the part of others. Oh me!
On this Sunday morning my goal is just to notice that I am not as limited in love as I used to be and I am not even close to the perfection to which I strive. I do not need to further add to the story by chastising myself or by applauding myself for my behavior this week. For today I need to be present to the possibility of loving unconditionally. Just for today I will focus on my behavior and not on that of others. Until, of course, I notice that, once again, I am focusing on the terrible behavior of the other!
Written October 23, 2016
The highlight of the week was a visit from my son. He is now back in Los Angeles where he has been living for several years. While he was here we visited with several folks. Since I have just returned to Wheeling to live, he enjoyed exploring the historic architecture, seeing some terrific artwork and enjoying dad’s cooking. We did get to Pittsburgh briefly although a heavy rain limited wandering around as we had planned. We also attended a performance of the Wheeling Symphony which, to my delight, performed a pops concert to a very appreciative audience which filled nearly all the seats.
Mostly we visited and enjoyed settling into my new home – often in separate corners. I love the feeling of having someone in my home who is comfortable just reading separate books together. I especially appreciate being able to do that with my son Jamie.
Of course, the week also included normal chorettes, time with clients, writing and, despite my resolve not to do so, reacting to the words and actions of political candidates and getting inpatient with some pending issues in my life such as the ongoing saga of the delay in closing on the sale of my Florida condo and other issues.
I also visited with friends from Florida who had been in Morgantown visiting family and friends. My dear friend Becky was in Pittsburgh conducting workshop. She met Jamie and me in Washington, Pa. for lunch.
On this lazy Sunday morning which has not been interrupted by fresh news – positive or negative – other than just email and text notes from friends – it is easy to remember that not much is important in this brief life journey except how well I love. I started to write “how well we love each other.” but that little file drawer in my life quickly ejected a reminder that I only have control over how well I love. Life has certainly provided me many opportunities to learn and relearn and relearn this lesson. I seem to quickly forget this lesson and then, if not careful, “find myself” ruminating about how someone else is responding or not responding to me. Parenting has, of course, provided many opportunities for me to practice this spiritual lesson although as both my son and I age we seem to be very comfortable just accepting where we are in the moment. That is not always the case with others, although I must admit that it is the case with most people I know and love. Yet, when I am reminded that someone else with whom I thought I had a very solid friendship reminds me that I can do or say something which, for them, destroys the relationship, I find myself wanting to defend myself and to work on restoring their trusting love. At those times I seem to quickly forget that I only have to do my best to be the most loving human I can be today. As we all know, it is the humanness which can cause the bonds of friendship to be broken. It seems, at least to me, that once a person loses trust, for whatever reason, there is no way to reclaim the friendship one thought was possible. This seems to be true even when one does not understand why an action was so damaging of the trust. Of course, we “know” that a behavior that might not push a fear button for me will be a significant button for someone else. We are fully cognizant of the fact that we each bring a history of experience to every friendship and that each experience is connected by many sensations and associations. The other person might or might not know what word, action, or feeling causes such a strong reaction to something we said or did. They might say and believe that such and such action of ours was, of course, the most obvious violation of trust one could have committed assuming that we can easily understand. Yet, hearing their words, does not always register for us the way it does for them.
Sunday mornings for me are associated with the Christian religion and attending church where I often felt as if I needed to beg for love despite my obvious inability to be a person worthy of love. Yet, at times, I knew that the teachings of Jesus, as I later learned about the teachings of others spiritual leaders, stressed unconditional love. For goodness sake, Jesus even exhorted one to “love one’s enemy.” How is this possible? Surely Jesus knew that it is often insane to trust one’s enemy. Duh! That is why they are an enemy. They are not trustworthy. Perhaps I am not understanding or conveniently forgetting that the love that Jesus is talking about is unconditional and, thus, not dependent on such factors as trust. What then does it involve? I have previously discussed the various Greek words for love which are much more precise than the single word love in the English language. Yet, in English I am stuck with this rather vague word which, in this context, is imbued with the power to reach deep beyond actions, thoughts, costumes, roles and the sometimes complicated imperfection of one’s humanness into the very essence of one’s eternal light. This is then what I am asked to do - to see beyond the obvious to the core of one’s being. Moreover, I am “asked” or “expected” to only focus on my willingness to love which does not need any positive or negative action on the part of others. Oh me!
On this Sunday morning my goal is just to notice that I am not as limited in love as I used to be and I am not even close to the perfection to which I strive. I do not need to further add to the story by chastising myself or by applauding myself for my behavior this week. For today I need to be present to the possibility of loving unconditionally. Just for today I will focus on my behavior and not on that of others. Until, of course, I notice that, once again, I am focusing on the terrible behavior of the other!
Written October 23, 2016
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