Sunday Musings – October 23, 2022
Attachments/addictions/compulsions
The world is often not as many of us dictate it should be to accommodate our wants, needs and comfort level. Often, we decide to avoid dealing with our disappointments or the pain of some parts of this life journey by drinking alcohol, doing other drugs, shopping, seeking frequent sexual pleasure, money, power or getting angry. Those who find an avoidance technique that works at least temporarily often continue to repeat a behavior until it becomes part of one’s muscle memory. The avoidance behavior or technique which works depends, in part, on how our particular brain is engineered. Each of our brains are engineered in a unique way despite the basic structural similarities. For example, if I drink more than a small amount of alcohol, I get immediately physically sick. I have no tolerance. Yet for many years I had a significant tolerance for nicotine. For a tme, anger and blaming others did provide consistent temporary relief from uncomfortable emotions. Although I was not, to myself, admitting that I was using anger to avoid uncomfortable situations, I later realized I sometimes did. I also attempted to keep myself and my home clean and neat as if taking control of one area of life alleviated some of the powerlessness I felt in other areas of my life.
Whether we call repeated, short term avoidance behavior attachment, addiction or habit may not matter. Although there is an increased body of research regarding addiction to alcohol and other drugs, I am convinced that we may eventually discover that there is significant similarity among various, repeated behaviors which help one avoid dealing with life on life’s terms. Some of the similarities are:
o Repeating the behavior until it becomes embedded in muscle memory.
o Enough short-term reward to result in one repeating the behavior
o Compulsive/obsessive need to keep repeating the behavior.
o Blaming people, places and situation for one’s behavior.
o Repeating behavior, no matter how it affects others and how much it violates one’s core values.
o Often neglecting one responsibilities and commitments.
o Lying to oneself and to others.
The healing process is similar for all these behaviors and includes:
o A daily/hour/minute decision to choose an alternative, healthier behavior.
o The support of loving people who understand the nature of the “dis ease” and disease.
o Not allowing “relapses” to prevent one returning to one’s particular recovery program.
o Some system for being accountable but not shaming self for the hurts one’s caused oneself and others.
o A return to dependence on one’s core values.
o Consistent belief that one should and can deal with discomfort and pain - physical, emotional and spiritual.
o Gas stations to fill up one’s emotional, physical, and spiritual gas tanks. This may include mediation and other necessary medical treatment.
o The ability - financial, physical, nutritional and emotional - to access the healing resources one needs.
o The increasing ability to experience and focus on the positives of this life journey - the positives which sit alongside of the negatives of this life journey. If one only experiences negatives it is impossible to force oneself to consistently live with such pain.
Unless and until we, as members of healing profession, come to terms with these similarities we will continue to treat dysfunction/hurtful compulsive behavior by labeling people as bad, evil, sinful or less than. Currently although there is increased acceptance by some that addiction to alcohol and other drugs is a disease, too often:
o Individuals are diagnosed based on symptoms and the underlying disease is not identified or treated.
o Certain addictive/compulsive behavior or attachments are rank ordered with some being viewed as evil and others being viewed with a modicum of compassion. Compulsive/addicted sexual behavior is often judged as an evil choice and different than other ways of hurting self and others.
No one decides to become an addict or attached to a dysfunctional, hurtful way of living. One may decide or come to believe that one is too weak or fragile to deal with life on life’s terms. One may be treated as weak and powerless by parents or parent figures who themselves have not had an opportunity to heal from their own pain. One may thus come to internalize the belief one cannot deal with pain.
We all deserve to heal regardless of our addictions/attachments/compulsions which hurt us and others. When one person heals, we all benefit.
Written October 23, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
Sunday Musings – October 23, 2022
Attachments/addictions/compulsions
The world is often not as many of us dictate it should be to accommodate our wants, needs and comfort level. Often, we decide to avoid dealing with our disappointments or the pain of some parts of this life journey by drinking alcohol, doing other drugs, shopping, seeking frequent sexual pleasure, money, power or getting angry. Those who find an avoidance technique that works at least temporarily often continue to repeat a behavior until it becomes part of one’s muscle memory. The avoidance behavior or technique which works depends, in part, on how our particular brain is engineered. Each of our brains are engineered in a unique way despite the basic structural similarities. For example, if I drink more than a small amount of alcohol, I get immediately physically sick. I have no tolerance. Yet for many years I had a significant tolerance for nicotine. For a tme, anger and blaming others did provide consistent temporary relief from uncomfortable emotions. Although I was not, to myself, admitting that I was using anger to avoid uncomfortable situations, I later realized I sometimes did. I also attempted to keep myself and my home clean and neat as if taking control of one area of life alleviated some of the powerlessness I felt in other areas of my life.
Whether we call repeated, short term avoidance behavior attachment, addiction or habit may not matter. Although there is an increased body of research regarding addiction to alcohol and other drugs, I am convinced that we may eventually discover that there is significant similarity among various, repeated behaviors which help one avoid dealing with life on life’s terms. Some of the similarities are:
o Repeating the behavior until it becomes embedded in muscle memory.
o Enough short-term reward to result in one repeating the behavior
o Compulsive/obsessive need to keep repeating the behavior.
o Blaming people, places and situation for one’s behavior.
o Repeating behavior, no matter how it affects others and how much it violates one’s core values.
o Often neglecting one responsibilities and commitments.
o Lying to oneself and to others.
The healing process is similar for all these behaviors and includes:
o A daily/hour/minute decision to choose an alternative, healthier behavior.
o The support of loving people who understand the nature of the “dis ease” and disease.
o Not allowing “relapses” to prevent one returning to one’s particular recovery program.
o Some system for being accountable but not shaming self for the hurts one’s caused oneself and others.
o A return to dependence on one’s core values.
o Consistent belief that one should and can deal with discomfort and pain - physical, emotional and spiritual.
o Gas stations to fill up one’s emotional, physical, and spiritual gas tanks. This may include mediation and other necessary medical treatment.
o The ability - financial, physical, nutritional and emotional - to access the healing resources one needs.
o The increasing ability to experience and focus on the positives of this life journey - the positives which sit alongside of the negatives of this life journey. If one only experiences negatives it is impossible to force oneself to consistently live with such pain.
Unless and until we, as members of healing profession, come to terms with these similarities we will continue to treat dysfunction/hurtful compulsive behavior by labeling people as bad, evil, sinful or less than. Currently although there is increased acceptance by some that addiction to alcohol and other drugs is a disease, too often:
o Individuals are diagnosed based on symptoms and the underlying disease is not identified or treated.
o Certain addictive/compulsive behavior or attachments are rank ordered with some being viewed as evil and others being viewed with a modicum of compassion. Compulsive/addicted sexual behavior is often judged as an evil choice and different than other ways of hurting self and others.
No one decides to become an addict or attached to a dysfunctional, hurtful way of living. One may decide or come to believe that one is too weak or fragile to deal with life on life’s terms. One may be treated as weak and powerless by parents or parent figures who themselves have not had an opportunity to heal from their own pain. One may thus come to internalize the belief one cannot deal with pain.
We all deserve to heal regardless of our addictions/attachments/compulsions which hurt us and others. When one person heals, we all benefit.
Written October 23, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
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