Sunday Musings - October 6, 2024
Who or what is a parent?
So many of our laws in the United States and some other countries are grounded in the concept of the nuclear family. The nuclear family is one or two adults and one or more children. In some families there may be multiple generations who assume responsible for the unit, but that is the exception rather than the rule. Increasingly, in the United States, adult children may be living longer with their “parents”, but eventually most will get a home of their own.
If there are minor children or even adult children in the home, the “parents” are in charge and decide what is best for the family. To qualify to be a parent one must:
o Be the biological egg donor or sperm donor.
o Be the person a judge decides can be the legal primary custodian or “adoptive parent”.
o Be a foster parent appointed by a child welfare official. In this case depending on caseload of the case worker and other factors, the child or children rights and needs may be decided by rules of the state or the caseworker.
o Be a ward of the state, often in a group home, a detention facility or mental health facility
o Be a student in a private boarding school in which case the rights and needs of the student(s) may be jointly decided by the legal parent(s) and the school administration.
To quality to be a biological parent a female must have an egg which is fertilized by a male sperm. This may be in person in which case the sperm is introduced to the egg during sexual intercourse, or the egg and sperm are introduced by a medical person. To qualify as a stepparent a biological parent must agree to marry another person. A biological, step or appointed parent may be a single person or, depending on the state, two parents who may be of the same or opposite gender.
When a child is conceived and born to a biological egg donor and sperm donor, there is no test for whether one is emotionally, spiritually or financially able to provide for the child(ren) or keep the needs and rights of the child(ren) primary. Unless it can be proven there is extreme cruelty or neglect (varies by state) the custodial parent(s) have absolute authority over the lives of the children. They can decide whether to get them vaccinated, when to take them for medical care, whether to honor their gender or sexual orientation status, whether to home school or enroll in another option, how to indoctrinate them spiritually, and make other decisions which affect the health and future of the child Essentially, if no legally defined abuse can be identified or proven, the child has no rights. The parents determine when the child or children are ready for developmental stages or chapters in their lives.
Medical professionals have very little authority to decide the care of a child unless the parent(s) sign over that authority. The medical professional does not decide (based on science and not personal prejudice) whether a child should be protected against certain communicable diseases, i.e. covid, measles, whooping cough, polio, diphtheria and a host of others or has other needs. Although public school systems may require some vaccinations the parent can decide to home school the child.
There are a few so called primitive cultures where children are given more decision-making power. There are also some communities which believe parenting is truly a village responsibility. There are some church “families” which it is clearly understood babies and older children are “church babies”.
The rights of parents whose only qualification for raising the next generation may be the ability to exchange a sperm and egg through sexual contact or other means is popular politically. “Parents know best” is the shared belief of many in the United States and other places. That is a position based on emotions; not grounded in science. Some legal “parents” have amazing skills, good emotional and spiritual health and the means to take care of children. Some financially poor people can provide the “best” care for their children.
Re-examining this model for choosing who is best qualified to raise/teach/care for younger humans could be a very frightening and politically charged exercise. One is not likely to get elected or appointed to a political position if one suggests this re-examination be a major goal for this republic. Yet, I believe we must begin to get honest about why the current system is unhealthy for many children. For everyone, even those who meet all the qualifications for healthy parents, isolating them without help in a nuclear family is a concept we must let go of. Even if there are two reasonably healthy adults raiding children who have demanding jobs in addition to being parents, there is not enough emotional, physical, and spiritual gas stations in an average day to do a good job. One cannot avoid a daily energy deficit affecting all aspects of one’s health and, thus, the health of the children.
Let’s begin to have the courage to explore a model of parenting which might ensure children have a chance at emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual health. Let’s end the shame of parenting not being our skill set. We need a variety of skills to design and create a functioning community to raise our children.
Written October 6, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Who or what is a parent?
So many of our laws in the United States and some other countries are grounded in the concept of the nuclear family. The nuclear family is one or two adults and one or more children. In some families there may be multiple generations who assume responsible for the unit, but that is the exception rather than the rule. Increasingly, in the United States, adult children may be living longer with their “parents”, but eventually most will get a home of their own.
If there are minor children or even adult children in the home, the “parents” are in charge and decide what is best for the family. To qualify to be a parent one must:
o Be the biological egg donor or sperm donor.
o Be the person a judge decides can be the legal primary custodian or “adoptive parent”.
o Be a foster parent appointed by a child welfare official. In this case depending on caseload of the case worker and other factors, the child or children rights and needs may be decided by rules of the state or the caseworker.
o Be a ward of the state, often in a group home, a detention facility or mental health facility
o Be a student in a private boarding school in which case the rights and needs of the student(s) may be jointly decided by the legal parent(s) and the school administration.
To quality to be a biological parent a female must have an egg which is fertilized by a male sperm. This may be in person in which case the sperm is introduced to the egg during sexual intercourse, or the egg and sperm are introduced by a medical person. To qualify as a stepparent a biological parent must agree to marry another person. A biological, step or appointed parent may be a single person or, depending on the state, two parents who may be of the same or opposite gender.
When a child is conceived and born to a biological egg donor and sperm donor, there is no test for whether one is emotionally, spiritually or financially able to provide for the child(ren) or keep the needs and rights of the child(ren) primary. Unless it can be proven there is extreme cruelty or neglect (varies by state) the custodial parent(s) have absolute authority over the lives of the children. They can decide whether to get them vaccinated, when to take them for medical care, whether to honor their gender or sexual orientation status, whether to home school or enroll in another option, how to indoctrinate them spiritually, and make other decisions which affect the health and future of the child Essentially, if no legally defined abuse can be identified or proven, the child has no rights. The parents determine when the child or children are ready for developmental stages or chapters in their lives.
Medical professionals have very little authority to decide the care of a child unless the parent(s) sign over that authority. The medical professional does not decide (based on science and not personal prejudice) whether a child should be protected against certain communicable diseases, i.e. covid, measles, whooping cough, polio, diphtheria and a host of others or has other needs. Although public school systems may require some vaccinations the parent can decide to home school the child.
There are a few so called primitive cultures where children are given more decision-making power. There are also some communities which believe parenting is truly a village responsibility. There are some church “families” which it is clearly understood babies and older children are “church babies”.
The rights of parents whose only qualification for raising the next generation may be the ability to exchange a sperm and egg through sexual contact or other means is popular politically. “Parents know best” is the shared belief of many in the United States and other places. That is a position based on emotions; not grounded in science. Some legal “parents” have amazing skills, good emotional and spiritual health and the means to take care of children. Some financially poor people can provide the “best” care for their children.
Re-examining this model for choosing who is best qualified to raise/teach/care for younger humans could be a very frightening and politically charged exercise. One is not likely to get elected or appointed to a political position if one suggests this re-examination be a major goal for this republic. Yet, I believe we must begin to get honest about why the current system is unhealthy for many children. For everyone, even those who meet all the qualifications for healthy parents, isolating them without help in a nuclear family is a concept we must let go of. Even if there are two reasonably healthy adults raiding children who have demanding jobs in addition to being parents, there is not enough emotional, physical, and spiritual gas stations in an average day to do a good job. One cannot avoid a daily energy deficit affecting all aspects of one’s health and, thus, the health of the children.
Let’s begin to have the courage to explore a model of parenting which might ensure children have a chance at emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual health. Let’s end the shame of parenting not being our skill set. We need a variety of skills to design and create a functioning community to raise our children.
Written October 6, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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