Sunday Musings – September 29, 2019
The story
Many wise ancestors posited that we are all our stories. The question always is, of course, is whether we are the story we tell ourselves, the story we want to be true, the story which reveals our humanness, or the story others impose on us and which we sometimes adopt. All of have, I am sure, known “other people” who have allowed others to write and impose a storyline on them. Some allow families to live vicariously through them. Some allow fear, shame, and regret to be their story.
As I visit friends and talk with other people this week I am acutely aware of how much I am indebted to the challenge with which others have gifted me; the challenge to risk being honest and to dig deep within myself . One of those people is a former clinical supervisor whom I have been visiting. She required I video tape individual, family and group sessions with clients and then account for or explain all of my responses or lack of responses during the sessions. A simple, “I don’t know. It just felt right.” did not suffice. She wanted me to explain how my action or inaction was consistent with a sound theoretical approach. The theoretical approach might be my own but it better have some sound reasoning attached to it. This approach to learning challenged me in my personal life as well. She believed, as do I, that one should never recommend that a client do something which we, as clinicians, were not willing to do. Our circumstances might be different but the principle was the same. The situations we might have to face might be unique but if we expected clients to face emotionally tough situations directly we best be prepared to practice the same in our own life. Gradually I and others she taught were forced to own and live our own story; not the story of fear and shame.
Many of us grew up in far and shamed based families or religions. Many of us learned that we were expected to follow in the footsteps of our parents or the dreams of our parents. In other words we were expected to live their story which might not be our story. In the Southern Baptist Church I learned very little about the teachings of Jesus and a lot about an angry, vengeful, punishing God who did not approve of who I was; who knew my darkest secrets and was not pleased. I tried my best to live a story based on fear. Yet, a part of me “knew” that Jesus and other teaches were accepting, and even welcoming of my secret story which existed only in my heart and mind.
I am still both uncovering and discovering my story; of what it means to live from a standpoint of realism, strength and even faith in the ability of us humans to celebrate and take care of each other. This requires a level of what those practicing a 12 step program of recovery call “the HOW of the program” – honesty, open mindedness and willingness.
I believe we all have the ability to practice the HOW and to proudly live our story; the story of our unique strengths, talents and the courage to risk making mistakes.
Written September 29, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
The story
Many wise ancestors posited that we are all our stories. The question always is, of course, is whether we are the story we tell ourselves, the story we want to be true, the story which reveals our humanness, or the story others impose on us and which we sometimes adopt. All of have, I am sure, known “other people” who have allowed others to write and impose a storyline on them. Some allow families to live vicariously through them. Some allow fear, shame, and regret to be their story.
As I visit friends and talk with other people this week I am acutely aware of how much I am indebted to the challenge with which others have gifted me; the challenge to risk being honest and to dig deep within myself . One of those people is a former clinical supervisor whom I have been visiting. She required I video tape individual, family and group sessions with clients and then account for or explain all of my responses or lack of responses during the sessions. A simple, “I don’t know. It just felt right.” did not suffice. She wanted me to explain how my action or inaction was consistent with a sound theoretical approach. The theoretical approach might be my own but it better have some sound reasoning attached to it. This approach to learning challenged me in my personal life as well. She believed, as do I, that one should never recommend that a client do something which we, as clinicians, were not willing to do. Our circumstances might be different but the principle was the same. The situations we might have to face might be unique but if we expected clients to face emotionally tough situations directly we best be prepared to practice the same in our own life. Gradually I and others she taught were forced to own and live our own story; not the story of fear and shame.
Many of us grew up in far and shamed based families or religions. Many of us learned that we were expected to follow in the footsteps of our parents or the dreams of our parents. In other words we were expected to live their story which might not be our story. In the Southern Baptist Church I learned very little about the teachings of Jesus and a lot about an angry, vengeful, punishing God who did not approve of who I was; who knew my darkest secrets and was not pleased. I tried my best to live a story based on fear. Yet, a part of me “knew” that Jesus and other teaches were accepting, and even welcoming of my secret story which existed only in my heart and mind.
I am still both uncovering and discovering my story; of what it means to live from a standpoint of realism, strength and even faith in the ability of us humans to celebrate and take care of each other. This requires a level of what those practicing a 12 step program of recovery call “the HOW of the program” – honesty, open mindedness and willingness.
I believe we all have the ability to practice the HOW and to proudly live our story; the story of our unique strengths, talents and the courage to risk making mistakes.
Written September 29, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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