Sunday Musings – September 8, 2019
Friendship
One of the blogs which I regularly find in my in box and for which I am very grateful is Maria Popva’s ‘Brain Pickings’. If not careful I could give into the temptation to compare our blogs. Hers seems more in depth and eloquently written. Then I remind myself they are two different blogs and both valuable. Often I open the ‘Brain Pickings’ email and find she and I are writing about the same subject. On this Sunday we were both addressing the nature of friendship.
As I contemplate the week just ending and the week beginning I am acutely aware of the joys and responsibilities of friendship. I am not inclined to think of the use of the term friend on Facebook as a legitimate use of the term. Some of one’s connections on Facebook might indeed be friendships but many are distant acquaintances. Some not even that.
When I think of friendships I think of a strong commitment to another person – to be there for and with each other in times of joy and in times of sorrow; to be ready to drop all else and be by the side of that friend just because one loves that person. In my mind friendships survive differences of opinion, moments of spoken words best left unsaid but which seem to pour out of one’s mouth without any direction or sage advice from one’s brain and other instances of the messiness of one’s humanness.
I recall a 1985 movie “Kiss of the Spider Woman” in which Valentin played by John Hurt befriends Molina played by Raul Julia his cellmate with whom, on the surface, he seems to have little in common. When this Molina is poisoned and is too weak to clean himself from the diarrhea Valentin lovingly cleans him up. The Molin asks if it does not disgust him to do this and Valentin replies something to the effect of “No of course not. This is what we must do for each other.”
Recently a friend of mine dropped everything and went to sit with her mother’s in law during her last days. Although her mother in law was not always able, especially in the past decade to be a good friend my friend accepted her as she was and lovingly visited and took care of the details of her care. . Following her death she arranged a lovely funeral and luncheon. This friend of mine never lets go of a friendship without using every tool in her toolbox to repair any rift or to overlook the most egregious of deeds. Rarely does she sadly and prayerfully let go of a friendship and only then because the other person rejects or dumps it first.
Some friendships are romantic in nature and may result in marriage. Most are not. One hopes, of course that marriage relationships are first and foremost a friendship.
In many cases, and seemingly, in the toxic political atmosphere in the world today friendships do not survive passionate differences in opinion. I find this very sad with long lasting negative consequences. We must find a way to agree to disagree; humbly accept that one does not have to be right and in fact, the concept of “right” is a very slippery slope. If one needs to be right there is no room for learning. If there is no room for learning there is no room for growth or creative problem solving. If there is no room for problem solving there is no room for friendship. If there is no room for friendship there is no room for community. If there is no room for community there is room for an experience of the whole which some call the higher power. If there is no room for the whole there is no order or purpose in this life journey. If there is no room for order or purpose there is no room for moral or ethical rules. If there is no room for moral or ethical rules there is no love. If there is no love there is only the darkness of the abyss.
Perhaps we need to revive the concept of friendship as a sacred guiding principle of this life journey.
Written September 8, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Friendship
One of the blogs which I regularly find in my in box and for which I am very grateful is Maria Popva’s ‘Brain Pickings’. If not careful I could give into the temptation to compare our blogs. Hers seems more in depth and eloquently written. Then I remind myself they are two different blogs and both valuable. Often I open the ‘Brain Pickings’ email and find she and I are writing about the same subject. On this Sunday we were both addressing the nature of friendship.
As I contemplate the week just ending and the week beginning I am acutely aware of the joys and responsibilities of friendship. I am not inclined to think of the use of the term friend on Facebook as a legitimate use of the term. Some of one’s connections on Facebook might indeed be friendships but many are distant acquaintances. Some not even that.
When I think of friendships I think of a strong commitment to another person – to be there for and with each other in times of joy and in times of sorrow; to be ready to drop all else and be by the side of that friend just because one loves that person. In my mind friendships survive differences of opinion, moments of spoken words best left unsaid but which seem to pour out of one’s mouth without any direction or sage advice from one’s brain and other instances of the messiness of one’s humanness.
I recall a 1985 movie “Kiss of the Spider Woman” in which Valentin played by John Hurt befriends Molina played by Raul Julia his cellmate with whom, on the surface, he seems to have little in common. When this Molina is poisoned and is too weak to clean himself from the diarrhea Valentin lovingly cleans him up. The Molin asks if it does not disgust him to do this and Valentin replies something to the effect of “No of course not. This is what we must do for each other.”
Recently a friend of mine dropped everything and went to sit with her mother’s in law during her last days. Although her mother in law was not always able, especially in the past decade to be a good friend my friend accepted her as she was and lovingly visited and took care of the details of her care. . Following her death she arranged a lovely funeral and luncheon. This friend of mine never lets go of a friendship without using every tool in her toolbox to repair any rift or to overlook the most egregious of deeds. Rarely does she sadly and prayerfully let go of a friendship and only then because the other person rejects or dumps it first.
Some friendships are romantic in nature and may result in marriage. Most are not. One hopes, of course that marriage relationships are first and foremost a friendship.
In many cases, and seemingly, in the toxic political atmosphere in the world today friendships do not survive passionate differences in opinion. I find this very sad with long lasting negative consequences. We must find a way to agree to disagree; humbly accept that one does not have to be right and in fact, the concept of “right” is a very slippery slope. If one needs to be right there is no room for learning. If there is no room for learning there is no room for growth or creative problem solving. If there is no room for problem solving there is no room for friendship. If there is no room for friendship there is no room for community. If there is no room for community there is room for an experience of the whole which some call the higher power. If there is no room for the whole there is no order or purpose in this life journey. If there is no room for order or purpose there is no room for moral or ethical rules. If there is no room for moral or ethical rules there is no love. If there is no love there is only the darkness of the abyss.
Perhaps we need to revive the concept of friendship as a sacred guiding principle of this life journey.
Written September 8, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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