Surrender
This morning I received a note from someone who said, “I am surrendering to life.” For him this means giving up on ever having a life which feels good to him. This man has been involved in the 12-step recovery group of AA for many years and has not, to the best of my knowledge drunk alcohol or used other recreational drugs for many years. Yet, he has been miserable much of this time I wrote back to him that I was not convinced that he had even surrendered to being helpless over other people. It seems as if he has made his happiness or internal peace dependent on whether others that he cares about are able to do what they need to do to have a good life.
As a counselor, I have worked with/for those struggling with addiction to alcohol, other drugs, sex, power, material goods, money or a particular relationships for many years. Yet, for years I continued to smoke cigarettes. I hated the taste, smell, cost and the fact that most people I knew were offended by the pollution my smoking cigarettes was causing. One of the people I most admired, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross also continued to feed her addiction to nicotine for many years. I am not sure about what methods she used to try to quit or even if she did. I used therapy, the nicotine patch, medication, prayer, and will power. I would manage to quit for a period of time but I always found some “excuse” to smoke “just one” which, of course, ended up being two and eventually a pack a day once again. I was clearly addiction to cigarettes.
As an addiction counselor I had long been acquainted with and recommended the use of the 12-step program. Yet, I did not use the 12-step program to deal with my addiction to nicotine. When I finally surrendered I knew that I needed to begin with step one which talks about powerlessness over one’s particular addiction. For the alcoholic this is alcohol. For the nicotine addiction this is nicotine. Once I pick up and smoke a cigarette something get triggered in my brain to compel me to feed the habit of smoking another and another and… I only managed to stop my use of nicotine when I surrendered to the idea that I was powerless over the addiction. As is true for many, I wanted to think I am able to behave according to a rational decision making process. I have never had a problem explaining addiction and the need to surrender to “others”, but I was very reluctant to accept this truth for myself. Once I surrendered to this truth and used the same tools I had been recommending for years to others, the process of quitting the use of nicotine was very simple – not always easy but simple.
Dr. Harry Giebout in the July, 2013 Akron AA Inter Group News Central Bulletin talks about surrender in terms of “ego reduction”. When I think of ego I think of the self that I want to be rather than the human one that I am who has limitations and abilities, who is enough as he is, who needs to receive support of others and who needs to practice what the 12 step program calls the HOW of the program – honesty, open mindedness, and willingness.
The more I practice surrendering to my limitations while feeding my abilities/talents, the more I am able to move towards being the person I want to be.
Written January 6, 2018
This morning I received a note from someone who said, “I am surrendering to life.” For him this means giving up on ever having a life which feels good to him. This man has been involved in the 12-step recovery group of AA for many years and has not, to the best of my knowledge drunk alcohol or used other recreational drugs for many years. Yet, he has been miserable much of this time I wrote back to him that I was not convinced that he had even surrendered to being helpless over other people. It seems as if he has made his happiness or internal peace dependent on whether others that he cares about are able to do what they need to do to have a good life.
As a counselor, I have worked with/for those struggling with addiction to alcohol, other drugs, sex, power, material goods, money or a particular relationships for many years. Yet, for years I continued to smoke cigarettes. I hated the taste, smell, cost and the fact that most people I knew were offended by the pollution my smoking cigarettes was causing. One of the people I most admired, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross also continued to feed her addiction to nicotine for many years. I am not sure about what methods she used to try to quit or even if she did. I used therapy, the nicotine patch, medication, prayer, and will power. I would manage to quit for a period of time but I always found some “excuse” to smoke “just one” which, of course, ended up being two and eventually a pack a day once again. I was clearly addiction to cigarettes.
As an addiction counselor I had long been acquainted with and recommended the use of the 12-step program. Yet, I did not use the 12-step program to deal with my addiction to nicotine. When I finally surrendered I knew that I needed to begin with step one which talks about powerlessness over one’s particular addiction. For the alcoholic this is alcohol. For the nicotine addiction this is nicotine. Once I pick up and smoke a cigarette something get triggered in my brain to compel me to feed the habit of smoking another and another and… I only managed to stop my use of nicotine when I surrendered to the idea that I was powerless over the addiction. As is true for many, I wanted to think I am able to behave according to a rational decision making process. I have never had a problem explaining addiction and the need to surrender to “others”, but I was very reluctant to accept this truth for myself. Once I surrendered to this truth and used the same tools I had been recommending for years to others, the process of quitting the use of nicotine was very simple – not always easy but simple.
Dr. Harry Giebout in the July, 2013 Akron AA Inter Group News Central Bulletin talks about surrender in terms of “ego reduction”. When I think of ego I think of the self that I want to be rather than the human one that I am who has limitations and abilities, who is enough as he is, who needs to receive support of others and who needs to practice what the 12 step program calls the HOW of the program – honesty, open mindedness, and willingness.
The more I practice surrendering to my limitations while feeding my abilities/talents, the more I am able to move towards being the person I want to be.
Written January 6, 2018
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