Test Your Manhood
I cross my fingers and hope to die. This was in large letters at the top of a full page ad in the Tampa Tribune one day this week. This heading was followed by three checkboxes:
Do you want to feel more passion?
Do you want to enjoy higher sex drive?
Do you want to perform better in the bedroom?
The ad is for a product which I do not need to mention, but the promise of the ad is that taking this product will give you all these results. I can only guess that a full-page ad in the Tampa Tribune is not inexpensive. Thus, the makers of this product must believe that this ad will sell more of its product.
The photo in the add is of a man and woman looking very enamored with each other. They are traditionally attractive, dressed in stylish black letter jackets and standing next to a motorcycle.
Do we men really still think of manhood as synonymous with how often our penis gets erect and how well we “perform” in the bedroom? Is this what is most important to men? Is this what manhood means to our potential partners whether they be female or male? Is this the message we want to give our sons and daughters; that as long as an adult male has an erect penis and can perform well he will be a good father, husband, friend and partner? Really?
We humans seem to have a very difficult time believing that just being ourselves; just doing the best we can do in doing our share of making a safe home; our share of working to make the community a safer, more loving and just place; our share of making the world a better place is good enough. Ironically, being a more valuable person starts with acceptance of ourselves as the human which we are. Certainly, there is a time in our development when it may seems as if sexual potency or the lack thereof rules our life. We also know it t is easy for us to convince ourselves that having more of whatever will prove our worth to others. For example, it is easy to convince ourselves that if we, as a country, have larger guns we will be more feared and, thus, more respected and safer.
Another possible truth is that the quality of our love for ourselves, each other and mother earth may say a lot more about our manhood or womanhood that our ability to perform or our ability to accumulate “stuff”. Women and men that I know and respect are not impressed with the size of a man’s penis or how hard it stays and for how long. Most people to whom I talk do not care a lot about whether we make physical love well, but they care about how we show our love in our daily life together: Are we present in a loving, playful manner? Are we dependable? If our partner or friend or child gets sick will we be there if at all possible?
Recently I was talking with a man and woman who were vacationing in Florida about the care of his ill father. Every day he goes to visit his parents. Every day he sits for a significant period of time and just visits. When needed, he spends the night. His partner thinks that this behavior is a sign of his manhood. If it is a choice between making more money and knowing he will be present, she will choose him being present every time. That is a form of making love: being present – not worrying about what one has or does not have; not thinking of something else when she is talking; not reading the paper while she is sharing her day; not problem solving for her but listening; not expecting that she will fix his meal or wash his socks or whatever, but knowing that when it is important she will always have his gentle, loving attention just as his parents do.
If we look at the figures of the sale of the product in this ad or the sales figures of “male performance enhancing drugs,” one would think that there is not a single adult male who can get and maintain an erection; one would think as long as one can “perform” for a significant period of time that then one is the perfect partner.
Personally I think that a healthy sexual relationship is great fun. If there are products which can safely help us enjoy the physical act of sharing a sexual experience I think that is wonderful. On the other hand, some of the most loving, romantic, sensuous men and women I know are physically unable to have a sexual relationship involving their genitals because of some disease or permanent injury. Yet, their partners experience them as wonderful lovers.
Let’s quit teaching our children, particularly our male children, that manhood is about one’s size or physical performance. (The irony is, of course, that as we age, the less we focus on performing the better we perform!) Let’s teach our male children that loving is about showing up with love when we are needed and showing up when we are not needed, but wanted. Let’s teach our female children the same truths.
RSS Feed