The 12-step god
Many of those who are struggling with addictions explore the 12-step program only to quickly become discouraged or turned off by the centrality of the inclusion of the concept of God. It seems as if one has to accept a concept of god in order to effectively use the tools of the program. This is enough to convince many this program is not going to be helpful. A few may then explore other recovery programs such as Smart Recovery. Some may decide that they want an even more religious based program and will explore such programs as Celebrate Recovery. Sadly, many decide that they will “just not feed one’s primary addiction” and focus on facing life on life’s terms day by day. It is not difficult to fill up one’s hours with a job outside the house, child rearing, home maintenance, extended family and community responsibilities. One might do okay for several years and a few might even be successful in not using addictive drugs for the rest of their lives. Sadly, many will eventually relapse using addictive drugs or other behavior as tools for taking care of themselves.
No matter who one is, how much money one makes or how prestigious one’s roles in the community life shows up. Loved ones die, partners become unavailable, children struggle, finances collapse, and one is faced with dealing with many other stressors. If one has not practiced using new tools to deal with life on life’s terms one will invariably use what tools one has stored in one’s box of habits – addictive behavior.
Some, if they survive the relapse, will revisit the 12-step program only to find that the concept of god still seems central. If one is an atheist what is one to do? Research show that those who work a 12-step program – get and work with a sponsor, work the steps and attend meetings – do well with adopting new heathy self-care and family care habits.
Is there any way to use the 12-step program without pretending to accept the concept of God or to avoid being eternally irritated every time someone suggests one pray the serenity prayer or the Lord’s prayer.
Some suggest the following options regarding this god thing:
Some of us learned and grew up with a very narrow concept of god; a god who was like this super human father figure who has characteristics similar to a non-recovering addict – self-centered, judgmental, quick to anger, punishing, and quick to insist my way or the highway. Personally, I have no idea why humans would post a concept of God who has all the characteristics of the worst possible parent. The heaven of which this god is the CEO is as Mark Twain points out devoid of all or most of what we humans enjoy – sex, food, laughter, physical activity, etc. At least the Greek gods had a lot of fun even if the created a lot of human type drama.
It is with this negative, limited concept of god that many enter the recovery stage of one’s life. It is not surprising that many cannot imagine a program which features this god being helpful.
What many do appreciate and accept is that humans are social beings. Isolation has a very negative impact on one’s overall health. In fact, I recently heard that isolation has more of a negative impact on one’s health than smoking. Many long for a sense of extended family or community. It is not unusual for those who do manage to accept the god or higher power concept of the 12-step program to say that, for the first time in their lives, they feel as if they are home – that they belong. They like the fact that they are able to use the program to help themselves and others. They are also able to use the program to rid themselves of all the guilt and shame of the behavior in which their malfunctioning, addicted brain forced them to engage. They are able to pursue meaningful careers, have a sense of purpose, become proud members of the community and daily be intentional about the person they want to be.
In later blogs, I will attempt to address each step of the 12-step program using a more inclusive, broader concept of higher power – god.
Written May 15, 2018
Many of those who are struggling with addictions explore the 12-step program only to quickly become discouraged or turned off by the centrality of the inclusion of the concept of God. It seems as if one has to accept a concept of god in order to effectively use the tools of the program. This is enough to convince many this program is not going to be helpful. A few may then explore other recovery programs such as Smart Recovery. Some may decide that they want an even more religious based program and will explore such programs as Celebrate Recovery. Sadly, many decide that they will “just not feed one’s primary addiction” and focus on facing life on life’s terms day by day. It is not difficult to fill up one’s hours with a job outside the house, child rearing, home maintenance, extended family and community responsibilities. One might do okay for several years and a few might even be successful in not using addictive drugs for the rest of their lives. Sadly, many will eventually relapse using addictive drugs or other behavior as tools for taking care of themselves.
No matter who one is, how much money one makes or how prestigious one’s roles in the community life shows up. Loved ones die, partners become unavailable, children struggle, finances collapse, and one is faced with dealing with many other stressors. If one has not practiced using new tools to deal with life on life’s terms one will invariably use what tools one has stored in one’s box of habits – addictive behavior.
Some, if they survive the relapse, will revisit the 12-step program only to find that the concept of god still seems central. If one is an atheist what is one to do? Research show that those who work a 12-step program – get and work with a sponsor, work the steps and attend meetings – do well with adopting new heathy self-care and family care habits.
Is there any way to use the 12-step program without pretending to accept the concept of God or to avoid being eternally irritated every time someone suggests one pray the serenity prayer or the Lord’s prayer.
Some suggest the following options regarding this god thing:
- God = good orderly direction.
- God = the support of the 12 step group members
- God = the interworking of the universal whole – the fact every decision and action affects the entire universe
- God = higher power - something outside of or more than one’s self-centered self.
Some of us learned and grew up with a very narrow concept of god; a god who was like this super human father figure who has characteristics similar to a non-recovering addict – self-centered, judgmental, quick to anger, punishing, and quick to insist my way or the highway. Personally, I have no idea why humans would post a concept of God who has all the characteristics of the worst possible parent. The heaven of which this god is the CEO is as Mark Twain points out devoid of all or most of what we humans enjoy – sex, food, laughter, physical activity, etc. At least the Greek gods had a lot of fun even if the created a lot of human type drama.
It is with this negative, limited concept of god that many enter the recovery stage of one’s life. It is not surprising that many cannot imagine a program which features this god being helpful.
What many do appreciate and accept is that humans are social beings. Isolation has a very negative impact on one’s overall health. In fact, I recently heard that isolation has more of a negative impact on one’s health than smoking. Many long for a sense of extended family or community. It is not unusual for those who do manage to accept the god or higher power concept of the 12-step program to say that, for the first time in their lives, they feel as if they are home – that they belong. They like the fact that they are able to use the program to help themselves and others. They are also able to use the program to rid themselves of all the guilt and shame of the behavior in which their malfunctioning, addicted brain forced them to engage. They are able to pursue meaningful careers, have a sense of purpose, become proud members of the community and daily be intentional about the person they want to be.
In later blogs, I will attempt to address each step of the 12-step program using a more inclusive, broader concept of higher power – god.
Written May 15, 2018
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