The art and gift of listening
Every morning I attempt to articulate a spiritual goal for the day. My legacy for the day will be how well I am able to walk the talk or honor that spiritual intention. This morning, as is true many morning, my intention is to actively listen to what others are saying verbally and non-verbally. I am not sure who coined the term active listening but it refers to the act of “just listening” without offering advice or comments unless, of course, it is specifically asked for. Although it may seem like a simple and freeing activity to be able to listen without the burden of offering advice, or letting the other person(s) know how right or wrong they are, most of we humans find this a very difficult exercise. Most females I know would claim that we males have a more difficult time listening then do other women. I cannot speak for women but I know that when I am attempting to listen my mind is very active with:
While my mind is thus occupied I am not hearing anything the other person is saying. Without the willingness to hear/listen there is no possibility of a conversation. A conversation requires an open exchange of thoughts and/or feelings.
When practicing active listening I am focusing on the content of the communication. This includes the words, body language, sign language and emotional undertones. If I listen to just the words then I might repeat the words back to the person with sarcasm or some other added content which has nothing to do with what the other person was communicating.
My goal when being spiritually intentional about my behavior is to “just notice” when old, unhealthy/non-spiritual behavior takes over. Rather than fussing at myself which would not lead to change I want to “just notice” my thoughts and emotions. I might say to myself, “Isn’t that interesting.” It is my intention to not say “Bad Jim.” Scolding myself will only make me feel worse about myself and result in my being more defensive and less able to “actively listen”.
There may be those who have already achieved an A+ in their graduate course in active listening. This human is not even close to an A+. That is okay. For today I will be intentional, just listen to my listening and keep practicing.
Written July 10, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Every morning I attempt to articulate a spiritual goal for the day. My legacy for the day will be how well I am able to walk the talk or honor that spiritual intention. This morning, as is true many morning, my intention is to actively listen to what others are saying verbally and non-verbally. I am not sure who coined the term active listening but it refers to the act of “just listening” without offering advice or comments unless, of course, it is specifically asked for. Although it may seem like a simple and freeing activity to be able to listen without the burden of offering advice, or letting the other person(s) know how right or wrong they are, most of we humans find this a very difficult exercise. Most females I know would claim that we males have a more difficult time listening then do other women. I cannot speak for women but I know that when I am attempting to listen my mind is very active with:
- Formulating my opinion about what the other person is saying; calling up my sage advice.
- Defending myself or critiquing the speaker’s grammar or content.
- Listing my achievements and silently asking “What about me? I did or said that? Why didn’t you give me credit?”
While my mind is thus occupied I am not hearing anything the other person is saying. Without the willingness to hear/listen there is no possibility of a conversation. A conversation requires an open exchange of thoughts and/or feelings.
When practicing active listening I am focusing on the content of the communication. This includes the words, body language, sign language and emotional undertones. If I listen to just the words then I might repeat the words back to the person with sarcasm or some other added content which has nothing to do with what the other person was communicating.
My goal when being spiritually intentional about my behavior is to “just notice” when old, unhealthy/non-spiritual behavior takes over. Rather than fussing at myself which would not lead to change I want to “just notice” my thoughts and emotions. I might say to myself, “Isn’t that interesting.” It is my intention to not say “Bad Jim.” Scolding myself will only make me feel worse about myself and result in my being more defensive and less able to “actively listen”.
There may be those who have already achieved an A+ in their graduate course in active listening. This human is not even close to an A+. That is okay. For today I will be intentional, just listen to my listening and keep practicing.
Written July 10, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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