The assignment this month for the writing circle was to practice listening and to write a story based upon a listening experience. I just spent time at a coining-out ritual. I volunteer at a treatment center for those addicted to various drugs. Folks may also have other compulsive behaviors which are addressed during the course of treatment. When individuals have completed the initial 60 or 90 days of treatment as an inpatient or outpatient, everyone in the program gathers to celebrate the work they have done. A “coin” is passed around into which everyone symbolically places something they want to give the person to take with them when they leave. Individuals may put hope, strength, faith, willingness or a host of other gifts.
This morning I attended such a coining out. The young man coining out is a compassionate, bright, determined, and talented man. Yet, for years he lived in the prison of active addiction. The staff and the other folks in the treatment program obviously have a lot of affection and respect for this young man. The young man was clearly uncomfortable being on the receiving end of so many affirmations.
Sometimes when one has lived in the grips of addiction and knows that one’s addictive behavior has been hurtful not only to oneself but all the people whose lives one touched, one has a difficult time hearing compliments. Often one experiences compliments as pressure to be perfect; to not allow one’s humanness to show. That is not what those giving the compliments want the person receiving them to hear. They want the person to hear that it is enough to be oneself. It is enough to trust oneself to do one’s best. It is enough to be on a path to spiritual growth.
The others in treatment have been listening to this young man who is coining out with their hearts. The young man coining out was listening to these compliments with his mind. He does well in listening to others with his heart, but hears himself and others talking about him with his mind.
When this young man listens with his heart he practices the art of transposing. In other words, he listens not to the words, but to the pain, fear, loneliness, and longing which often lies under the words. In music, if one needs to transpose a piece of music which is written in a certain key one learns to make the change to another key in one’s mind. Now when one reads or listens to the music one can transpose the notes on the staff to the key in which one wants to play or hear the music. So, it is with the art of listening. We can elect to listen to the stranger, our partner, child, parent or co-worker with our heart. We can listen to the space between the words.
Earlier this morning I listened to the speech of a young man who, despite his stammering, is a public speaker. He has learned the art of talking from his heart which may both decrease his stammering and allow him to speak in public. I heard not the stammering. but the courage to speak his truth in public.
Speaking our truth takes courage. Listening to the truth of others takes compassion and humility.
Grant me to courage to listen for truth with my heart.
566 words
Written August 1, 2017