The challenge of civil discussions

​The challenge of civil discussions
 
When I prepare for “civil” discussions I very intentionally remind myself of the following prerequisites :
 

• Suspend all current opinions about what is right or wrong.
• Be open to being uncomfortable.
• Be honest as possible.
• Resolve to practice active listening.
• Resolve to not  assume what one would do in situations one has never faced.
• Be willing to allow for  both and instead of either or.

 
I recently attended a play the theme of which was civil discussion.  The play was “The Gun Show (Can we talk about this?) by EM Lewis. The play has one character, a woman, played by Andrew William Smith.  The character is not named. She recounts 5 stories related to the ownership and use of guns.  Over and over again she(as acted by Mr. Smith)  implores the audience to consider the complicated nature of the issue of guns ownership and use. The challenge was for the audience members to open themselves to potentially conflicting and uncomfortable feelings and thoughts.
 
As is often the case with me I had to first remind myself of the above requirements for a civil discussion .  Suspending current opinions meant that I had to be open to being uncomfortable. Only then was I ready to be honest about my own history with guns, killing and other forms of violence. I listed some very personal facts:
 

• Between ages 5 and 16  I lived in the county in Oklahoma where guns were used to kill game to eat and to protect farm animals.
• As a young boy, I wanted and received a BB gun.
• As a child I played cops and robbers with a toy gun.
• In the U. S. Navy, I learned to shoot pistols and rifles. I was not a very good shot and did not think I would ever have to fire at another person which fortunately turned out to be the case.
• After getting out of the U. S. Navy I supervised armed security guards.
• At least one and possibly two of my sisters carry concealed weapons.
• My mother had a pearl handled pistol which my dad gave her.
• My farther committed suicide with a gun.
• Many of my friends – male and females – have concealed carry permits.
• I have long considered myself a pacifist and have never personally owned a gun other than the BB gun.
• I will not knowingly allow a gun in my house or office.
• As a father I was against violent and war related toys and video games.
• I am not vegetarian. I eat meat coming from animals which have been killed.
• I would like to  think that nothing could compel me to shoot or attempt to physically hurt another human, but I have never had to face a potential killer of my son or  anyone else I deeply love.
• I do believe we, as a society, need means of stopping and restraining potentially violent people but I do not believe that we have to use lethal weapons.
• I am perfectly aware that there are those who are willing to use lethal force to kill me or others if we have something they want or need.
• I believe that it is morally wrong to sell guns or other weapons to other nations or groups.
• As a veteran I receive extensive health care from the VA medical facilities.
• I support the right of people to hunt game with guns or other lethal weapons if it is for the purpose of gathering food.
• I think we should do all we can to keep guns out of the hands of the mentally ill but, on the other hand, if someone is well treated for an illness such as depression. I would not oppose them being able to hunt with a gun for food.

 
From the vantage point of these “facts” I am better prepared to participate in a civil discussion.   I suspect most of us or at least many of us have a history as complex, contradictory and varied as I do.  I also know for a fact that I could create a similar  personal list for a wide variety of subjects.  There is obviously a reason why humility and honesty are so essential for civil discussions; a perquisite for learning and growing together as a community.
 
February 27, 2019
Jimmy F. Pickett
Coachpickett.org