The Circle
Recently my friend Robert Dobkin reposted a quote which had been posted by another friend John Moses, Director of Youth Service Systems. The quote was one I have read several times. It is from the book Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion by Father Greg Boyle and which is about the theology of hope and compassion which Father Boyle and his staff bring to former gang members in Los Angeles. Father Boyle makes manifest the simplicity of the teachings of Jesus and other wise teachers. The quote was: “You stand with the last likely to succeed until success is succeeded by something more valuable: kinship. You stand with the belligerent, the surly, and the badly behaved until bad behavior is recognized for the language it is: the vocabulary of the deeply wounded and of those whose burdens are more than they can bear.”
I do very little reading of Facebook posts but as “fate” would have it, I happened on this one. When reading it I was reminded of several “facts”:
I especially needed to this reminder even though it is one I have passed on to others many times. In the journey I have elected to take with others in my personal and professional life I can “forget” to view the mirror which others so generously share with me.
In music, prior to the creation or discovery of the computer, if one wanted to play or sing a musical selection in a different key that what was written on the sheet music one possessed one learned to transpose it. That is, one learned to mentally move the notes on the staff lines to match the key in which one wanted to perform the piece. This was much cheaper and easier than recopying or repurchasing the music in the key one wanted.
In our relationships with each other we often mistake the key in which one is communicating. Anger, for example, is the symptom and not the issue or diagnosis. When I encounter the anger of another I have a choice to attend to the symptom or the pain or discomfort which always underlies the anger. The anger may be related to the emotions connected to a trauma which may seem too painful to face; the fear of being powerless; the fear of being criticized once again, the determination not to be bullied and mistreated again or some other pain. I can choose to attend to the anger or I can choose to attend to the pain underlying the anger even if I have no idea of the source of the pain. I can, as Father Greg Boyle reminds us, “listen” for the deep wounds and burdens which the anger is shielding.
I would, of course, like to say that I always practice the art of transposing, but the truth is sometimes I react to the “belligerent, the surly and the badly behaved” as if they are bad people. I take the symptoms as the “dis ease”. When I do this it is usually because one or more of my internal gas tanks (emotional, physical, spiritual, or nutritional) is low or even empty. It could also be some pain of my own has been triggered. My goal is to “notice” what is going on and, if possible, take a break. First I must own the issue and, if appropriate, make amends.
I know that there are those who believe that some people are just bad or evil. That is neither my experience or belief. It is my belief and my experience that I may not know how to create a space which feels safe enough for another to share the “dis ease” and not just the symptom.
I must continue to hang close with those who tickle my heart and mind. I must remain close to my own pain and not mistake the symptoms for the “dis ease”.
Written March 24, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Recently my friend Robert Dobkin reposted a quote which had been posted by another friend John Moses, Director of Youth Service Systems. The quote was one I have read several times. It is from the book Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion by Father Greg Boyle and which is about the theology of hope and compassion which Father Boyle and his staff bring to former gang members in Los Angeles. Father Boyle makes manifest the simplicity of the teachings of Jesus and other wise teachers. The quote was: “You stand with the last likely to succeed until success is succeeded by something more valuable: kinship. You stand with the belligerent, the surly, and the badly behaved until bad behavior is recognized for the language it is: the vocabulary of the deeply wounded and of those whose burdens are more than they can bear.”
I do very little reading of Facebook posts but as “fate” would have it, I happened on this one. When reading it I was reminded of several “facts”:
- I am dependent on friends and colleagues to lovingly but clearly tickle my mind and heart – to challenge me to be my very best.
- Often friends and colleagues pass the same pearls of wisdom back and forth as wise men and women have done since the beginning of time.
- There is nothing new under the sun. We know what we know even when we deny we know it.
- I always get what I need spiritually to continue the journey when I am ready to receive it.
I especially needed to this reminder even though it is one I have passed on to others many times. In the journey I have elected to take with others in my personal and professional life I can “forget” to view the mirror which others so generously share with me.
In music, prior to the creation or discovery of the computer, if one wanted to play or sing a musical selection in a different key that what was written on the sheet music one possessed one learned to transpose it. That is, one learned to mentally move the notes on the staff lines to match the key in which one wanted to perform the piece. This was much cheaper and easier than recopying or repurchasing the music in the key one wanted.
In our relationships with each other we often mistake the key in which one is communicating. Anger, for example, is the symptom and not the issue or diagnosis. When I encounter the anger of another I have a choice to attend to the symptom or the pain or discomfort which always underlies the anger. The anger may be related to the emotions connected to a trauma which may seem too painful to face; the fear of being powerless; the fear of being criticized once again, the determination not to be bullied and mistreated again or some other pain. I can choose to attend to the anger or I can choose to attend to the pain underlying the anger even if I have no idea of the source of the pain. I can, as Father Greg Boyle reminds us, “listen” for the deep wounds and burdens which the anger is shielding.
I would, of course, like to say that I always practice the art of transposing, but the truth is sometimes I react to the “belligerent, the surly and the badly behaved” as if they are bad people. I take the symptoms as the “dis ease”. When I do this it is usually because one or more of my internal gas tanks (emotional, physical, spiritual, or nutritional) is low or even empty. It could also be some pain of my own has been triggered. My goal is to “notice” what is going on and, if possible, take a break. First I must own the issue and, if appropriate, make amends.
I know that there are those who believe that some people are just bad or evil. That is neither my experience or belief. It is my belief and my experience that I may not know how to create a space which feels safe enough for another to share the “dis ease” and not just the symptom.
I must continue to hang close with those who tickle my heart and mind. I must remain close to my own pain and not mistake the symptoms for the “dis ease”.
Written March 24, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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