The danger and comfort of illusions
Seth Godwin’s blog of February 12, 2020 reminds the reader that “We are all on borrowed time. There are no refunds and there are no guarantees. At some point the only time you have to worry about is the time you’ve wasted.”
I recall reading the book Borrowed Time by Paul Monette in 1988 in which he talked about the diagnosis and subsequent death of his partner with AIDS. This book was published 3 years after I had been diagnosed with AIDS and thought to be terminal within a relatively short period of time. I recall thinking that in many ways it was a blessing to have to let go of the pretense that it was safe to postpone doing what was important. I also was rather pleased with the idea that I would not have to say goodbye to anyone else since I would be dying first. After receiving the diagnosis I did the following:
Obviously, I did not die in 1985 or even in 1986. Here it is 2020 and I am still living on borrowed time. It would be lovely if I could say that I had not wasted a minute of those 34 plus year; that I had used every minute to the fullest, but, of course, that would be a lie. Yet, I have never stopped being aware of the fact that in a very real sense I am only guaranteed this moment. Yesterday I saw a client whose step father died without any warning or symptoms of illness. This morning when reading the obituaries I notice the death announcement of 3 people in their early thirties and one who was 40 with no cause of death given. How they died is not, of course, important although, at the same time, one wants to be aware if there is something we, as a community, need to be doing to prevent or slow down the number of deaths of young people. Even then, however, just as the last 35 years of my life has only taken a second to pass, they were all going to die of something in the next thirty seconds. The only question is whether or not one spends this thirty seconds in a way which is consistent with what we believe to be important. Will we treat ourselves, others and mother earth with unconditional love and respect or will we choose another option. The other options include:
I am sure that all of us could add to this list of ways to waste this precious moment of borrowed time. Yet that too would involve forgetting that this moment is borrowed time.
Today my intention is to embrace the reality that all any of.us have is this one borrowed moment.
Written February 12, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
Seth Godwin’s blog of February 12, 2020 reminds the reader that “We are all on borrowed time. There are no refunds and there are no guarantees. At some point the only time you have to worry about is the time you’ve wasted.”
I recall reading the book Borrowed Time by Paul Monette in 1988 in which he talked about the diagnosis and subsequent death of his partner with AIDS. This book was published 3 years after I had been diagnosed with AIDS and thought to be terminal within a relatively short period of time. I recall thinking that in many ways it was a blessing to have to let go of the pretense that it was safe to postpone doing what was important. I also was rather pleased with the idea that I would not have to say goodbye to anyone else since I would be dying first. After receiving the diagnosis I did the following:
- Shared the diagnosis with closest friends and soon with the larger community.
- Grieved the loss of the illusion that I had lots of time to accomplish what was important.
- Redecorated my apartment to make it more accessible for when I became less physically abled.
- Got myself appointed to the personnel committee at work and introduced a new policy ensuring non-discrimination based on HIV/AIDS diagnosis.
Obviously, I did not die in 1985 or even in 1986. Here it is 2020 and I am still living on borrowed time. It would be lovely if I could say that I had not wasted a minute of those 34 plus year; that I had used every minute to the fullest, but, of course, that would be a lie. Yet, I have never stopped being aware of the fact that in a very real sense I am only guaranteed this moment. Yesterday I saw a client whose step father died without any warning or symptoms of illness. This morning when reading the obituaries I notice the death announcement of 3 people in their early thirties and one who was 40 with no cause of death given. How they died is not, of course, important although, at the same time, one wants to be aware if there is something we, as a community, need to be doing to prevent or slow down the number of deaths of young people. Even then, however, just as the last 35 years of my life has only taken a second to pass, they were all going to die of something in the next thirty seconds. The only question is whether or not one spends this thirty seconds in a way which is consistent with what we believe to be important. Will we treat ourselves, others and mother earth with unconditional love and respect or will we choose another option. The other options include:
- Feed and hold on to resentments and anger.
- Worry more about tasks than relationships.
- Shame and scold myself for past actions or focus on what positive actions I can take today.
- Wait for motivation to arrive before I do the next right thing.
- Take political events and other events very seriously
- Dance or brood.
I am sure that all of us could add to this list of ways to waste this precious moment of borrowed time. Yet that too would involve forgetting that this moment is borrowed time.
Today my intention is to embrace the reality that all any of.us have is this one borrowed moment.
Written February 12, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
RSS Feed