The freedom of honesty
Daily I write and share a spiritual intention. Recently my spiritual intention was to take another step towards being honest with myself and taking responsibility for how I arrived at this point in time.
On the occasion of the anniversary of 9/11, I wrote about the fact we in the United States have seemingly found solace in the telling ourselves that the events of September 11, 2001, which left over 3000 dead and many more living with the pain of grief or survivor’s guilt happened because of immoral terrorists; actinf without any antecedent behavior on the part of the United States. If one is so inclined one can trace the history of the United States in the Middle East and elsewhere identifying how that history fed the thinking and subsequent actions of the terrorist. I am not and would not ever suggest that the actions of those who acted so violently on September 11, 2001, was justified. I would never argue that violence ever leads to long term peace. At the same time, I am acutely aware that all behavior affect the entire universe at some level. Spencer Ackerman in his recently published book Reign of Terror traces some of the history of the United States which led to 9/11 and the current political devisedness. It seems very difficult for most of us in the United States to honestly face the positive and negative of our history; to face the fact that it is safe to own our past and move forward in a way which is more consistent with the story we want to be true.
In my personal life, I am also aware that the stories I tell myself are often altered or whitewashed to fit the story I would like to be true. I want to allow myself to know how the daily decisions led step by step to my current reality. My spiritual teacher would suggest that the way forward is to give myself permission to be honest while dropping the dualities; not labeling my various decisions and action as good, bad, right or wrong. She would suggest that I simply notice them and then decide what decisions today are more likely to result in behavior which will allow me to achieve my spiritual goals.
I could easily make a list of decisions I have made which have led to this point in my life. Those working the 4th Step in the 12-step program do a “searching and fearless moral inventory. Many use a workbook approach which invites one to look deeply into one’s history and how decisions or the decisions of one’s addicted brain affected others. I am not in a 12-step recovery program, but I have often used the steps, including the 4th step, to make such an inventory. Each time I do so I uncover more lies and half-truths I have used to temporarily avoid discomfort.
Often, especially when younger, I made choices based on fears or some other emotion. Frequently I did not share those emotions. I made assumptions others would not understand; would think less of me or offer me advice I was not ready to hear. I thus choose to keep some distance. Sometimes I ended up blaming others for my distance. My blame may have been expressed in a judgmental manner and pushed others further away.
The essential truth is all my decisions have joined historical circumstances to create this moment in my life. There are many aspects about this moment which I appreciate and enjoy. There are other aspects which leave me feeling dissatisfied. The good news is that the truth will set all of us as individual and a country free. Each day all of us have opportunities for new choices which will result in the reality of tomorrow. It is our responsibility to make peace with the outcome of past decisions while remaining open to choices which will result in a different future outcome.
Written September 15, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Daily I write and share a spiritual intention. Recently my spiritual intention was to take another step towards being honest with myself and taking responsibility for how I arrived at this point in time.
On the occasion of the anniversary of 9/11, I wrote about the fact we in the United States have seemingly found solace in the telling ourselves that the events of September 11, 2001, which left over 3000 dead and many more living with the pain of grief or survivor’s guilt happened because of immoral terrorists; actinf without any antecedent behavior on the part of the United States. If one is so inclined one can trace the history of the United States in the Middle East and elsewhere identifying how that history fed the thinking and subsequent actions of the terrorist. I am not and would not ever suggest that the actions of those who acted so violently on September 11, 2001, was justified. I would never argue that violence ever leads to long term peace. At the same time, I am acutely aware that all behavior affect the entire universe at some level. Spencer Ackerman in his recently published book Reign of Terror traces some of the history of the United States which led to 9/11 and the current political devisedness. It seems very difficult for most of us in the United States to honestly face the positive and negative of our history; to face the fact that it is safe to own our past and move forward in a way which is more consistent with the story we want to be true.
In my personal life, I am also aware that the stories I tell myself are often altered or whitewashed to fit the story I would like to be true. I want to allow myself to know how the daily decisions led step by step to my current reality. My spiritual teacher would suggest that the way forward is to give myself permission to be honest while dropping the dualities; not labeling my various decisions and action as good, bad, right or wrong. She would suggest that I simply notice them and then decide what decisions today are more likely to result in behavior which will allow me to achieve my spiritual goals.
I could easily make a list of decisions I have made which have led to this point in my life. Those working the 4th Step in the 12-step program do a “searching and fearless moral inventory. Many use a workbook approach which invites one to look deeply into one’s history and how decisions or the decisions of one’s addicted brain affected others. I am not in a 12-step recovery program, but I have often used the steps, including the 4th step, to make such an inventory. Each time I do so I uncover more lies and half-truths I have used to temporarily avoid discomfort.
Often, especially when younger, I made choices based on fears or some other emotion. Frequently I did not share those emotions. I made assumptions others would not understand; would think less of me or offer me advice I was not ready to hear. I thus choose to keep some distance. Sometimes I ended up blaming others for my distance. My blame may have been expressed in a judgmental manner and pushed others further away.
The essential truth is all my decisions have joined historical circumstances to create this moment in my life. There are many aspects about this moment which I appreciate and enjoy. There are other aspects which leave me feeling dissatisfied. The good news is that the truth will set all of us as individual and a country free. Each day all of us have opportunities for new choices which will result in the reality of tomorrow. It is our responsibility to make peace with the outcome of past decisions while remaining open to choices which will result in a different future outcome.
Written September 15, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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