The gift of anxiety
Often when we are attempting to learn a new skill, about to take an important exam, or venturing into uncharted territory we may get tense and even get a bit worried. We may describe our emotional state as anxious, but if we are used to putting ourselves in challenging situations we know that we will be fine; that we achieve our goal or identify those things or skills we still need to learn. In these situations, anxiety is an asset in that it reminds us to attempt to do or be our best.
Some of us have another experience with what we term as anxiety. This is a chronic feeling of fear. The anxiety might tell one that it is dangerous to venture outside of one’s normal routine. It might say one cannot leave one’s house or one can only leave and to go a few places within a certain radius. It might also tell one that one cannot have healthy relationships outside the immediate family or even that one cannot have healthy relationship within the family. At times, if we tempt anxiety by going outside of the prescribed circle it might erupt into an immobilizing panic attack during which breathing is difficult or feels impossible. One may even feel that one is going die if one does not quickly get back to a “safe” area. This is a terrible feeling. It is understandable why one would “listen” to the anxiety and as quickly as possible return to one’s safe or comfortable zone. The problem, of course, is that every time one allows this feeling to dictate one’s behavior one is feeding or reinforcing the lie that one cannot tolerate the discomfort. This message might then get generalized to all discomfort. One of the confusing aspects of this sort of generalized anxiety is that it is not logical. Obviously many other, even less competent people, engage in many behaviora with no dire consequences. It is also not logical that the anxiety may keep one out of a nearby venue but not keep one from comfortably traveling across the country.
Whatever sets off the initial anxiety is not important. Clearly, there are children who seem fearless from a very early age and those children who never or seldom feel completely safe. What is important is learning to use what some call evidence-based criteria to respond to the anxiety. If one, step by step, refuses to give in to the anxiety - to endure the often acute discomfort until one can breathe normally, it will weaken the anxiety. One can certainly create a behavior modification program to systematic desensitize one to the anxiety triggers. In other words, one can stop reinforcing the chronic, generalized anxiety. One does this by intentionally developing a different relationship with the messages of the anxiety. If the anxiety says, for example, that such and such place is dangerous then one learns to step into the observer role and correct that lie. If there is no evidence that such and such is dangerous than one gives oneself that message. Eventually the anxiety becomes diluted. One may never become that fearless person who is afraid of nothing, but one can greatly expand one’s world.
One has to be clear that one has anxiety, but one is not one’s anxiety or one’s fear. One may need to start changing that relationship by taking very small steps into the discomfort. If one is consistent in defying the lies of the generalized anxiety it will have less and less power.
Written September 15, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
Often when we are attempting to learn a new skill, about to take an important exam, or venturing into uncharted territory we may get tense and even get a bit worried. We may describe our emotional state as anxious, but if we are used to putting ourselves in challenging situations we know that we will be fine; that we achieve our goal or identify those things or skills we still need to learn. In these situations, anxiety is an asset in that it reminds us to attempt to do or be our best.
Some of us have another experience with what we term as anxiety. This is a chronic feeling of fear. The anxiety might tell one that it is dangerous to venture outside of one’s normal routine. It might say one cannot leave one’s house or one can only leave and to go a few places within a certain radius. It might also tell one that one cannot have healthy relationships outside the immediate family or even that one cannot have healthy relationship within the family. At times, if we tempt anxiety by going outside of the prescribed circle it might erupt into an immobilizing panic attack during which breathing is difficult or feels impossible. One may even feel that one is going die if one does not quickly get back to a “safe” area. This is a terrible feeling. It is understandable why one would “listen” to the anxiety and as quickly as possible return to one’s safe or comfortable zone. The problem, of course, is that every time one allows this feeling to dictate one’s behavior one is feeding or reinforcing the lie that one cannot tolerate the discomfort. This message might then get generalized to all discomfort. One of the confusing aspects of this sort of generalized anxiety is that it is not logical. Obviously many other, even less competent people, engage in many behaviora with no dire consequences. It is also not logical that the anxiety may keep one out of a nearby venue but not keep one from comfortably traveling across the country.
Whatever sets off the initial anxiety is not important. Clearly, there are children who seem fearless from a very early age and those children who never or seldom feel completely safe. What is important is learning to use what some call evidence-based criteria to respond to the anxiety. If one, step by step, refuses to give in to the anxiety - to endure the often acute discomfort until one can breathe normally, it will weaken the anxiety. One can certainly create a behavior modification program to systematic desensitize one to the anxiety triggers. In other words, one can stop reinforcing the chronic, generalized anxiety. One does this by intentionally developing a different relationship with the messages of the anxiety. If the anxiety says, for example, that such and such place is dangerous then one learns to step into the observer role and correct that lie. If there is no evidence that such and such is dangerous than one gives oneself that message. Eventually the anxiety becomes diluted. One may never become that fearless person who is afraid of nothing, but one can greatly expand one’s world.
One has to be clear that one has anxiety, but one is not one’s anxiety or one’s fear. One may need to start changing that relationship by taking very small steps into the discomfort. If one is consistent in defying the lies of the generalized anxiety it will have less and less power.
Written September 15, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
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