The gift of paradoxes
I am fascinated with the fact that the power to set and achieve life goals is often determined by one’s wiliness or ability to accept some basic paradoxes. These include:
All too often one is taught at a very early age that one should never color outside the lines. Yet, all creativity requires that one color outside the lines. Coloring outside the lines is a metaphor for imagining the impossible. There are thousands of examples all around us of someone imagining the impossible and then finding a way to make it possible.
Changing one’s thinking often requires a shift which seems contradictory. Allowing my mind to relax and wander on its own is often the prelude to solving a problem or imagining the impossible. For me this is a perfect example of gaining control by letting go of control.
This morning I was listening to a Ted talk by the writer, Andrew Solomon, entitled “How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are”. He describes a childhood of pain and adversity which has, in some ways, becomes his biggest strength as a writer and as a person. He says:
“We can neither give up in the face of our greatest challenges nor can be fight against them with the intent to harm or destroy. We should instead weave them into the cloth of our life. Only then can we learn, grow and move forward.” Solomon says that, “after you have forged meaning, you need to incorporate that meaning into a new identity. You need to take the traumas and make them part of who you’ve come to be, and you need to fold the worst events of our life into a narrative of triumph, evincing a better self in response to things that hurt.”
Most of us would not, if we are in our right mind, choose to be bullied, mistreated, raped, or have other traumatic experiences. I certainly would not have willingly chose to have Diphtheria as a child and AIDS as an adult. I would not have chosen to face discrimination or have any of the painful experiences I have had. Yet, the paradox is that these and many other experiences have been and continue to be my wisest teachers. They have helped to forge me into the man I have become. I would not wish addictive disease on anyone and, yet, many of the recovering addicts I know are more powerful, kinder, wiser people because of being brought to their knees by this terrible disease. Many of those I know who have lived with and suffered through cancer treatment are stronger, better people because of that experiences.
Is every seeming weakness or negative experience a strength to be treasured? I think that they can be. I am surely not suggesting we need to invite negative experiences into our lives. Negative experiences will arrive no matter what we do or do not do. Reminders that one does not have control will frequently arrive by the time one has been out of bed 3 minutes. We will feel vulnerable at times no matter what we do or do not do. However, our relationship with each these can, I believe, determine the quality of our lives.
Perhaps we can allow ourselves to celebrate the paradoxes of this life journey.
Written November 1, 2017
I am fascinated with the fact that the power to set and achieve life goals is often determined by one’s wiliness or ability to accept some basic paradoxes. These include:
- One gains control by letting go of control.
- One succeeds by being willing to fail.
- Vulnerability leads to strength
- Openness to the impossible leads to the possible.
All too often one is taught at a very early age that one should never color outside the lines. Yet, all creativity requires that one color outside the lines. Coloring outside the lines is a metaphor for imagining the impossible. There are thousands of examples all around us of someone imagining the impossible and then finding a way to make it possible.
Changing one’s thinking often requires a shift which seems contradictory. Allowing my mind to relax and wander on its own is often the prelude to solving a problem or imagining the impossible. For me this is a perfect example of gaining control by letting go of control.
This morning I was listening to a Ted talk by the writer, Andrew Solomon, entitled “How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are”. He describes a childhood of pain and adversity which has, in some ways, becomes his biggest strength as a writer and as a person. He says:
“We can neither give up in the face of our greatest challenges nor can be fight against them with the intent to harm or destroy. We should instead weave them into the cloth of our life. Only then can we learn, grow and move forward.” Solomon says that, “after you have forged meaning, you need to incorporate that meaning into a new identity. You need to take the traumas and make them part of who you’ve come to be, and you need to fold the worst events of our life into a narrative of triumph, evincing a better self in response to things that hurt.”
Most of us would not, if we are in our right mind, choose to be bullied, mistreated, raped, or have other traumatic experiences. I certainly would not have willingly chose to have Diphtheria as a child and AIDS as an adult. I would not have chosen to face discrimination or have any of the painful experiences I have had. Yet, the paradox is that these and many other experiences have been and continue to be my wisest teachers. They have helped to forge me into the man I have become. I would not wish addictive disease on anyone and, yet, many of the recovering addicts I know are more powerful, kinder, wiser people because of being brought to their knees by this terrible disease. Many of those I know who have lived with and suffered through cancer treatment are stronger, better people because of that experiences.
Is every seeming weakness or negative experience a strength to be treasured? I think that they can be. I am surely not suggesting we need to invite negative experiences into our lives. Negative experiences will arrive no matter what we do or do not do. Reminders that one does not have control will frequently arrive by the time one has been out of bed 3 minutes. We will feel vulnerable at times no matter what we do or do not do. However, our relationship with each these can, I believe, determine the quality of our lives.
Perhaps we can allow ourselves to celebrate the paradoxes of this life journey.
Written November 1, 2017
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