The grand pretense
Who does not know that approximately one is five people in the United States experiences mental illness in a given year? Who does not know that at least one is twenty-five people in the United States lives with a serious mental illness? Who does not know that at least 20 % of those in state and local jails live with a mental illness? (This figure is probably much higher if all are accurately diagnosed.) Who did not know that at least 26% of the homeless live with a mental illness? (for a full list of 2015 estimates check out Nami figures on their website)
Who did not know that pornography is a multi-billion-dollar industry? Who did not know that according to safefamilies.org more that 70% of male internet users aged 18-34 visit a porn sign in a month? Who did not know that some studies indicate that as many as 4% of adult males admit to visiting a child porn site?
Who did not know that as of 2016 there were over 800,000 registered sex offenders in the United States?
Who did not know that children and adults are sexual beings? The sexual drive of individuals may vary, but most humans have a drive to be sexual?
Who did not know that most humans crave/need physical intimacy even if that intimacy is with a stranger?
All of these figures may be approximations, but if one searches a variety of resources one will find that these figures are well within the estimates of professionals who track and study these questions.
My point is that we, as a society in the United States and around the world, need to ask why there is such a disparity between the rules/mores or laws of communities and the actual behavior of a great many of humans no matter what our education, roles, or religious beliefs. We know that telling individuals not to be mentally ill, not to experiment with recreational drugs, not to act out sexually, not to engage in sexual behavior which various communities define as deviant does not work. We know that telling those with compulsive desires to act out sexually does not work.
We also know that pointing fingers, labeling a large group of people as criminals and locking them up and/or spending millions to track them does not curtail behavior which is defined as deviant or criminal. Yet, the reaction to the latest revelations about the sexual activity of Catholic priests, the outing of many of those whose behavior is now considered sexual harassment, abuse or at the very least inappropriate would lead one to think that one did not know of this disparity.
I have often suggested that we are all complicit in pretending that we, as a culture, are doing a good job of dealing with the reality of who we are in terms of mental illness, substance abuse, and sexuality.
We can pretend as if most of us obey the stated rules for sexual activity or are more mentally healthy than we are. We can pretend as if it is only Catholic priests who struggle with their sexual feelings/urges or addictive disorders. We can continue to pretend as if we have designed a culture which results in optimal mental health
I am suggesting that we all take responsibility for our complicity in creating the current illusions about who we are as a society, resolve to quit feeding the illusions and begin to explore how we can create a society which is more conducive to mental health and honoring such issues as our sexuality. Obviously, we are not going to create a perfect society, but I do believe we can do better and that better starts with honesty about who we are and what we know. We can, I believe, reduce and better treat mental illness. We can reduce sexual abuse and harassment. We can better protect our children. Our current approach to all of these important concerns is not working.
Written October 16, 2018
Who does not know that approximately one is five people in the United States experiences mental illness in a given year? Who does not know that at least one is twenty-five people in the United States lives with a serious mental illness? Who does not know that at least 20 % of those in state and local jails live with a mental illness? (This figure is probably much higher if all are accurately diagnosed.) Who did not know that at least 26% of the homeless live with a mental illness? (for a full list of 2015 estimates check out Nami figures on their website)
Who did not know that pornography is a multi-billion-dollar industry? Who did not know that according to safefamilies.org more that 70% of male internet users aged 18-34 visit a porn sign in a month? Who did not know that some studies indicate that as many as 4% of adult males admit to visiting a child porn site?
Who did not know that as of 2016 there were over 800,000 registered sex offenders in the United States?
Who did not know that children and adults are sexual beings? The sexual drive of individuals may vary, but most humans have a drive to be sexual?
Who did not know that most humans crave/need physical intimacy even if that intimacy is with a stranger?
All of these figures may be approximations, but if one searches a variety of resources one will find that these figures are well within the estimates of professionals who track and study these questions.
My point is that we, as a society in the United States and around the world, need to ask why there is such a disparity between the rules/mores or laws of communities and the actual behavior of a great many of humans no matter what our education, roles, or religious beliefs. We know that telling individuals not to be mentally ill, not to experiment with recreational drugs, not to act out sexually, not to engage in sexual behavior which various communities define as deviant does not work. We know that telling those with compulsive desires to act out sexually does not work.
We also know that pointing fingers, labeling a large group of people as criminals and locking them up and/or spending millions to track them does not curtail behavior which is defined as deviant or criminal. Yet, the reaction to the latest revelations about the sexual activity of Catholic priests, the outing of many of those whose behavior is now considered sexual harassment, abuse or at the very least inappropriate would lead one to think that one did not know of this disparity.
I have often suggested that we are all complicit in pretending that we, as a culture, are doing a good job of dealing with the reality of who we are in terms of mental illness, substance abuse, and sexuality.
We can pretend as if most of us obey the stated rules for sexual activity or are more mentally healthy than we are. We can pretend as if it is only Catholic priests who struggle with their sexual feelings/urges or addictive disorders. We can continue to pretend as if we have designed a culture which results in optimal mental health
I am suggesting that we all take responsibility for our complicity in creating the current illusions about who we are as a society, resolve to quit feeding the illusions and begin to explore how we can create a society which is more conducive to mental health and honoring such issues as our sexuality. Obviously, we are not going to create a perfect society, but I do believe we can do better and that better starts with honesty about who we are and what we know. We can, I believe, reduce and better treat mental illness. We can reduce sexual abuse and harassment. We can better protect our children. Our current approach to all of these important concerns is not working.
Written October 16, 2018
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