The Hallmark Card Syndrome
For some, this weekend is celebrated as Easter, an important holiday in the Christian tradition when the belief that “Jesus was crucified, died, was buried and rose again on the third day” is celebrated. It is the time when Christians celebrate the belief that there is forgiveness for all of the way we humans hurt ourselves, each other and mother nature; that we can be loved no matter what we have done or what is done to us;
For others this is strictly a commercial or cultural holiday which is metaphorically symbolized by the Hallmark Card concept of a nuclear, historically heterosexual, Caucasian family, going to church, coloring eggs together, making hot cross buns and being supremely and blissfully happy with each other. There is no family dissension, no cancer, no drug addiction, no family members in jail, no divorce, no hunger and no war. Everyone in the family loves everyone else and has come home for the holiday.
Commercially there are new clothes (stylish, expensive jeans with premade, strategically places holes which can be worn to Church), fresh haircuts and styles from the local stylist, more and more elaborate egg dying kits (or pre-dyed eggs for those too busy to do their own),expensive chocolate and expensive Easter Basket gifts.
Most important, it is a time to be with family and to be happy. Above all, one must fit into this photo or be miserable. The person who is alone and with an unhealthy family and claims not to be miserable must be in denial, taking many drugs or engaging in some other mind numbing behavior. Many bars and other venues will cater to those who must escape the shame and loneliness of being alone this Hallmark weekend.
Thus, this morning while at the gym I found myself thinking, for a second or two, that here I was alone for the Easter holiday weekend. Obviously this must be because I am a very undesirable person who no one wants to be around. Gone were my earlier thoughts of gratitude for a weekend without any obligations. Gone was the fact that I was alone by choice. I have just recently visited my son, have had company from out of town, spent an afternoon with other friends, am going to see several dear friends next week, and on, most days, have a lot of contact with people I love and enjoy. We may or may not gather for Easter, Passover or holidays specific to our cultural and religious heritage. Our celebration may or may not match a particular Hallmark card although in true Capitalistic and political corrections fashion one can find a card to match just about any type of celebration. We may just be happy to be alive and relatively healthy. We may be just making it through the day. We may secretly enjoy a day of solitude.
What I find interesting is the extent to which all of us can be influenced by the cultural and commercial messages of what should or should not make us happy. Of course, I would like to be able to honestly claim that I am so spiritually evolved that I am not, even for a second, affected by what I will call the Hallmark Syndrome. I think that though even Google has neglected this malaise as far as I can determine, it is a syndrome, which is widely recognized. It is similar to the everyone wants to be a parent syndrome, everyone wants to be wealthy syndrome; everyone wants to die from the stress of doing a job they hate for money which pays for the medical problems caused by the stress syndrome; or everyone wants to look 20 at 80 syndrome.
As we near the annual modern day rites of graduation from high school and college, I wonder how many are living their dream and how many are living the dreams of their parents or the perceived expectations of their culture. I recently had a friend call me. Her son – a delightful, sensitive, musically talented, loving man - is about to graduate from college. She was asking for advice of how he should approach the next step of finding a job. I suggested that he read Parker Palmer’s book on vocation and that he write about what he envisions as his vocation. This may or may not mirror the expectations of what the next stage of his life will look like. It may or may not fit the Hallmark Syndrome.
So, on this weekend, it may benefit all of us to forget the Hallmark Card comparison and just be wherever we are with or without friend and family close by. It may be interesting to discover what one honestly feels about the state of his or her life . If one is truly unhappy or discontented then perhaps one needs to figure out the next step in claiming the life one wants.
For some, this weekend is celebrated as Easter, an important holiday in the Christian tradition when the belief that “Jesus was crucified, died, was buried and rose again on the third day” is celebrated. It is the time when Christians celebrate the belief that there is forgiveness for all of the way we humans hurt ourselves, each other and mother nature; that we can be loved no matter what we have done or what is done to us;
For others this is strictly a commercial or cultural holiday which is metaphorically symbolized by the Hallmark Card concept of a nuclear, historically heterosexual, Caucasian family, going to church, coloring eggs together, making hot cross buns and being supremely and blissfully happy with each other. There is no family dissension, no cancer, no drug addiction, no family members in jail, no divorce, no hunger and no war. Everyone in the family loves everyone else and has come home for the holiday.
Commercially there are new clothes (stylish, expensive jeans with premade, strategically places holes which can be worn to Church), fresh haircuts and styles from the local stylist, more and more elaborate egg dying kits (or pre-dyed eggs for those too busy to do their own),expensive chocolate and expensive Easter Basket gifts.
Most important, it is a time to be with family and to be happy. Above all, one must fit into this photo or be miserable. The person who is alone and with an unhealthy family and claims not to be miserable must be in denial, taking many drugs or engaging in some other mind numbing behavior. Many bars and other venues will cater to those who must escape the shame and loneliness of being alone this Hallmark weekend.
Thus, this morning while at the gym I found myself thinking, for a second or two, that here I was alone for the Easter holiday weekend. Obviously this must be because I am a very undesirable person who no one wants to be around. Gone were my earlier thoughts of gratitude for a weekend without any obligations. Gone was the fact that I was alone by choice. I have just recently visited my son, have had company from out of town, spent an afternoon with other friends, am going to see several dear friends next week, and on, most days, have a lot of contact with people I love and enjoy. We may or may not gather for Easter, Passover or holidays specific to our cultural and religious heritage. Our celebration may or may not match a particular Hallmark card although in true Capitalistic and political corrections fashion one can find a card to match just about any type of celebration. We may just be happy to be alive and relatively healthy. We may be just making it through the day. We may secretly enjoy a day of solitude.
What I find interesting is the extent to which all of us can be influenced by the cultural and commercial messages of what should or should not make us happy. Of course, I would like to be able to honestly claim that I am so spiritually evolved that I am not, even for a second, affected by what I will call the Hallmark Syndrome. I think that though even Google has neglected this malaise as far as I can determine, it is a syndrome, which is widely recognized. It is similar to the everyone wants to be a parent syndrome, everyone wants to be wealthy syndrome; everyone wants to die from the stress of doing a job they hate for money which pays for the medical problems caused by the stress syndrome; or everyone wants to look 20 at 80 syndrome.
As we near the annual modern day rites of graduation from high school and college, I wonder how many are living their dream and how many are living the dreams of their parents or the perceived expectations of their culture. I recently had a friend call me. Her son – a delightful, sensitive, musically talented, loving man - is about to graduate from college. She was asking for advice of how he should approach the next step of finding a job. I suggested that he read Parker Palmer’s book on vocation and that he write about what he envisions as his vocation. This may or may not mirror the expectations of what the next stage of his life will look like. It may or may not fit the Hallmark Syndrome.
So, on this weekend, it may benefit all of us to forget the Hallmark Card comparison and just be wherever we are with or without friend and family close by. It may be interesting to discover what one honestly feels about the state of his or her life . If one is truly unhappy or discontented then perhaps one needs to figure out the next step in claiming the life one wants.
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