The myth of male emotional fragility
One of the lies which many of us males learn as we are growing up is that we are emotionally fragile. I suspect that many of we males began hearing this lie from the time we were very young. I know, of course, that many females learn the same lie although, in my experience, most females seem to have unlimited emotional strength when it comes to taking care of others while frequently living with layers and layers of pain. My understanding is that research has documented that females seem to have greater physical endurance than we males who tend to have more short-term speed in certain physical activities. Since we start hearing gender specific messages at an early and we know that our internalized beliefs change the messages the brain sends to the rest of the body and that performance habits can alter DNA coding it is difficult to know what tendencies can be changed and which cannot.
I do believe that all of us are emotionally stronger than we believe that we are. I especially want us males to know:
Emotions are never an impediment to doing what needs to be done. Our relationship with our emotions can enhance or impede our ability to function well in all areas of our life. Francis Bacon and 400 years later Franklin Roosevelt reminded others of the essential truth “we have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Fear may tell us we are fragile, weak or something terrible might happen if we face it or any other uncomfortable emotions, but the truth is not facing those emotions affect one’s ability to effectively deal with all important so called personal, work, community and international issues.
We need to start telling our male and female children:
Written January 14, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
One of the lies which many of us males learn as we are growing up is that we are emotionally fragile. I suspect that many of we males began hearing this lie from the time we were very young. I know, of course, that many females learn the same lie although, in my experience, most females seem to have unlimited emotional strength when it comes to taking care of others while frequently living with layers and layers of pain. My understanding is that research has documented that females seem to have greater physical endurance than we males who tend to have more short-term speed in certain physical activities. Since we start hearing gender specific messages at an early and we know that our internalized beliefs change the messages the brain sends to the rest of the body and that performance habits can alter DNA coding it is difficult to know what tendencies can be changed and which cannot.
I do believe that all of us are emotionally stronger than we believe that we are. I especially want us males to know:
- We do not need to run from fear, grief or other uncomfortable emotions.
- The more we strengthen the habit of facing uncomfortable emotions the less discomfort we will experience. (We often use a lot of energy being uncomfortable with our discomfort.)
- The paradox is the fewer emotional issues we store or run from the more energy we have to face future emotional issues.
- How we deal with emotional issues does not affect our sexual orientation despite the stereotypes of same.
- Discomfort is discomfort. It is nothing more and nothing less.
- Big boys cry. Why would we trust anyone does not feel pain when others are suffering or one loses a loved one?
- Allowing ourselves to postpone facing an emotion to deal with emergency is an important skill for males and females.
- Being “like a woman” emotionally (the stereotype of women) will make us more effective partners, fathers, workers (no matter what our job or profession) and community members.
Emotions are never an impediment to doing what needs to be done. Our relationship with our emotions can enhance or impede our ability to function well in all areas of our life. Francis Bacon and 400 years later Franklin Roosevelt reminded others of the essential truth “we have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Fear may tell us we are fragile, weak or something terrible might happen if we face it or any other uncomfortable emotions, but the truth is not facing those emotions affect one’s ability to effectively deal with all important so called personal, work, community and international issues.
We need to start telling our male and female children:
- Emotions are a positive part of our humanness
- One needs to fact check what fear and other emotions are telling us.
- Express your emotions without shame or embarrassment but also without allowing them to be in charge.
- Focusing on immediate gratification instead of long-term results is never desirable.
- If a mental illness is present it can, in most cases, be effectively treated.
- We already have all the strength we need to deal with life on life’s terms.
- Facing life honestly and together is much more effective long term than avoiding and isolating.
Written January 14, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
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