The new normal
I often use the term “the new normal” but I am 99.9% sure my friend Dr. Becky Johnen first used the term. Dr. Johnen publishes a weekly blog at “authorbeckyjohnen.wordpress.com” which one can sign up to have delivered to one’s email box every week. One’s life will be enriched by doing so.
This morning she used the term in reference to a young mother whose “new normal” is a life which must be designed and choreographed without her husband and the father of her children.
Many of those for and with whom I work have to learn to choreograph a life of recovery from active addiction. Often these individuals feel overwhelmed with all the responsibilities which recovery, jobs, home care, child care, personal relationships and community relationships entail. Sometimes one must also return to school. Others I know are choreographing a new life dance following severe industrial or combat related accidents. This new dance may involve living without one or more limbs and not being able to do a job for which one had years of preparation.
As many of us age, we will also face a “new normal” which closes some doors and opens others.
One man I know who was a highly trained, competent and very physically fit professional whose job often took him away from his family suddenly was very limited in what he could do physically and was officially declared disabled. His new normal has been a much more active and present role with his children, wife and extended family.
For some, labeling one’s dance as the new normal could evoke a sense of hopelessness, despair and even giving up. One may have a difficult time envisioning this new life dance. One may have such a close identification with one’s current life dance that one cannot imagine a different life dance which is satisfying or about which one can feel passionate.
If one asks Dr. Johnen she would suggest that a new normal opens as many or perhaps, at times, more doors than it closes. As is true for all of us, Dr. Johnen has had to adjust to a new normal many times as “life has shown up” in her personal and professional life. One can rest assure that she does not recommend any changes in attitude or self- talk that she has not had to practice.
One can plan for some changes. Others, such as the death of a young spouse, may be a huge shock. One may not have had any time to prepare.
Yesterday three long time members of the Pittsburgh Symphony were recognized for their service as they played their last performance with the symphony prior to retiring. (Actually, only two of them were able to be present yesterday.) I have no idea of what changes this will entail for them in terms of their relationships with their musical instruments. Perhaps, as seems true for Emanuel Ax the world famous concert pianist, they will be able to keep playing even as their gait becomes slower. There is no evidence that Mr. Ax has any restrictions in terms of the flexibility and agility of his fingers. Perhaps their playing will change as a result of some age related restrictions.
Life will continue to show up for all of us. Our choice is to make peace with the new normal while making our way towards the new doors of possibility or to forever kick and scream because the old normal is no longer possible. I do not mean to minimize the necessity of grieving the loss of the old normal – the loss of people, limbs and abilities – but giving ourselves time and space to grieve does not mean we have to refuse to see the outlines of the new doors.
Perhaps we can all resolve to open our arms to each arrival of the new normal.
Written June 18, 2018
I often use the term “the new normal” but I am 99.9% sure my friend Dr. Becky Johnen first used the term. Dr. Johnen publishes a weekly blog at “authorbeckyjohnen.wordpress.com” which one can sign up to have delivered to one’s email box every week. One’s life will be enriched by doing so.
This morning she used the term in reference to a young mother whose “new normal” is a life which must be designed and choreographed without her husband and the father of her children.
Many of those for and with whom I work have to learn to choreograph a life of recovery from active addiction. Often these individuals feel overwhelmed with all the responsibilities which recovery, jobs, home care, child care, personal relationships and community relationships entail. Sometimes one must also return to school. Others I know are choreographing a new life dance following severe industrial or combat related accidents. This new dance may involve living without one or more limbs and not being able to do a job for which one had years of preparation.
As many of us age, we will also face a “new normal” which closes some doors and opens others.
One man I know who was a highly trained, competent and very physically fit professional whose job often took him away from his family suddenly was very limited in what he could do physically and was officially declared disabled. His new normal has been a much more active and present role with his children, wife and extended family.
For some, labeling one’s dance as the new normal could evoke a sense of hopelessness, despair and even giving up. One may have a difficult time envisioning this new life dance. One may have such a close identification with one’s current life dance that one cannot imagine a different life dance which is satisfying or about which one can feel passionate.
If one asks Dr. Johnen she would suggest that a new normal opens as many or perhaps, at times, more doors than it closes. As is true for all of us, Dr. Johnen has had to adjust to a new normal many times as “life has shown up” in her personal and professional life. One can rest assure that she does not recommend any changes in attitude or self- talk that she has not had to practice.
One can plan for some changes. Others, such as the death of a young spouse, may be a huge shock. One may not have had any time to prepare.
Yesterday three long time members of the Pittsburgh Symphony were recognized for their service as they played their last performance with the symphony prior to retiring. (Actually, only two of them were able to be present yesterday.) I have no idea of what changes this will entail for them in terms of their relationships with their musical instruments. Perhaps, as seems true for Emanuel Ax the world famous concert pianist, they will be able to keep playing even as their gait becomes slower. There is no evidence that Mr. Ax has any restrictions in terms of the flexibility and agility of his fingers. Perhaps their playing will change as a result of some age related restrictions.
Life will continue to show up for all of us. Our choice is to make peace with the new normal while making our way towards the new doors of possibility or to forever kick and scream because the old normal is no longer possible. I do not mean to minimize the necessity of grieving the loss of the old normal – the loss of people, limbs and abilities – but giving ourselves time and space to grieve does not mean we have to refuse to see the outlines of the new doors.
Perhaps we can all resolve to open our arms to each arrival of the new normal.
Written June 18, 2018
RSS Feed