The pain/trauma meter
In an episode of Hidden Brain entitled Tribes and Traitor, host Shankar Vedantam talks with a Palestinian man and an Israeli Soldier about what happens when one empathizes with one’s enemy. The benefit and the cost can be great. While listening to the program I was again reminded that life is often much simpler when one can neatly divide the world by affixing labels to individuals and groups. Terms such as enemy can create such a neat division. As the guests of his program reveal, empathizing with one’s enemy – no longer seeing them as just the enemy who causes one pain but as another individual or group who has known great pain and suffering – can be viewed as very disloyal – even traitorous – by one’s neighbors or even one’s family.
It seems as if we often have a fear that if we honor the pain of those we have labeled as our enemy the validity of our pain will be diminished. Yet, it is very likely the opposite will happen; honoring the pain of our “enemy” opens the door for us to honor both our pain and their pain.
The simple truth is that we have all experienced pain. This is equally true of individuals, communities, and countries. It is also true that we have all caused pain. I know of no way to measure individual or collective pain. Certainly, there are few events in history to rival the Holocaust. Honoring that pain does not diminish the pain of Palestinians in not having a country or being treated as if they have no right to housing, their own government and taking care of their families.
No matter what religion, what God or what history is used to justify violence the only product of violence Is more violence. No matter what slice of history is served to justify violence the hurt are hurting the hurt.
Clearly there are those who need to be restrained from further violence. Do we use violence to stop them? If someone suffers from dementia we lovingly restrain them if they become violent toward themselves or others. We do not punish them for not being able to have a shared reality? When two people get into an argument and whip out their legal guns to shoot at each other in a crowded public space should we treat them as untouchbables or throw aways or should we begin to look at the fact that we, as representtives of communities and nations use guns and other weapons of mass destruction when we are offended by or upset with another person or nation. As a nation the United States advocates lethal violence as a way of dealing with those we determine are a danger to our national interests. We alone decide what is in our national interest no matter how it affects others. Selling weapons, sending troops, ordering assignations or other violence actions are considered our “God given right”. Why are we surprised that many individuals resort to the same tactics? I am not suggesting that the United States is the only country to advocate and use violence. I am suggesting we continue to delude ourselves by asserting we are a peaceful – even nonviolent – nation. Violence is a way of life in this country. If we truly want to become less violence we must be very intentional to model non-violent resolutions of differences. We must truly believe that resourses are intended to be shared; that oppression is always violent and never acceptable.
Empathy is not achieved by self-righteous justification of our hurt/pain while ignoring or denying the pain of others. Empathy is not achieved by responding to our own hurt by hurting others.
Loving our enemies is not a one liner sound bite. Loving our enemies paradoxically means identifying with their pain; using our third eye to see the pain beneath the shield of anger or violence. Loving our enemies involves removing the log from our eyes which prevents us from seeing and mourning our own pain. Loving our enemy involves a leap of faith which is the foundation of all spiritual practice.
Written May 25, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
In an episode of Hidden Brain entitled Tribes and Traitor, host Shankar Vedantam talks with a Palestinian man and an Israeli Soldier about what happens when one empathizes with one’s enemy. The benefit and the cost can be great. While listening to the program I was again reminded that life is often much simpler when one can neatly divide the world by affixing labels to individuals and groups. Terms such as enemy can create such a neat division. As the guests of his program reveal, empathizing with one’s enemy – no longer seeing them as just the enemy who causes one pain but as another individual or group who has known great pain and suffering – can be viewed as very disloyal – even traitorous – by one’s neighbors or even one’s family.
It seems as if we often have a fear that if we honor the pain of those we have labeled as our enemy the validity of our pain will be diminished. Yet, it is very likely the opposite will happen; honoring the pain of our “enemy” opens the door for us to honor both our pain and their pain.
The simple truth is that we have all experienced pain. This is equally true of individuals, communities, and countries. It is also true that we have all caused pain. I know of no way to measure individual or collective pain. Certainly, there are few events in history to rival the Holocaust. Honoring that pain does not diminish the pain of Palestinians in not having a country or being treated as if they have no right to housing, their own government and taking care of their families.
No matter what religion, what God or what history is used to justify violence the only product of violence Is more violence. No matter what slice of history is served to justify violence the hurt are hurting the hurt.
Clearly there are those who need to be restrained from further violence. Do we use violence to stop them? If someone suffers from dementia we lovingly restrain them if they become violent toward themselves or others. We do not punish them for not being able to have a shared reality? When two people get into an argument and whip out their legal guns to shoot at each other in a crowded public space should we treat them as untouchbables or throw aways or should we begin to look at the fact that we, as representtives of communities and nations use guns and other weapons of mass destruction when we are offended by or upset with another person or nation. As a nation the United States advocates lethal violence as a way of dealing with those we determine are a danger to our national interests. We alone decide what is in our national interest no matter how it affects others. Selling weapons, sending troops, ordering assignations or other violence actions are considered our “God given right”. Why are we surprised that many individuals resort to the same tactics? I am not suggesting that the United States is the only country to advocate and use violence. I am suggesting we continue to delude ourselves by asserting we are a peaceful – even nonviolent – nation. Violence is a way of life in this country. If we truly want to become less violence we must be very intentional to model non-violent resolutions of differences. We must truly believe that resourses are intended to be shared; that oppression is always violent and never acceptable.
Empathy is not achieved by self-righteous justification of our hurt/pain while ignoring or denying the pain of others. Empathy is not achieved by responding to our own hurt by hurting others.
Loving our enemies is not a one liner sound bite. Loving our enemies paradoxically means identifying with their pain; using our third eye to see the pain beneath the shield of anger or violence. Loving our enemies involves removing the log from our eyes which prevents us from seeing and mourning our own pain. Loving our enemy involves a leap of faith which is the foundation of all spiritual practice.
Written May 25, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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