The paradox of powerlessness
Yesterday I heard myself saying to a client, “The paradox of step 1 of the 12-step program is that one gains power by accepting powerlessness.” Earlier yesterday I was thinking about the concept of winning – what it means to win. I was, in part, reacting to President Trump’s assertion in his speech on August 21 that we will win in Afghanistan. Three presidents, thus far, have basically made the same promise to the citizens of the United States. The United States has spent billions of dollars, many lives, and much energy attempting to win a war with those we label as terrorists. The plan seems to have been to overpower the terrorist’s groups with modern weapons and perhaps a bit of bullying of what are alleged to be a number of corrupt leaders and systems in the countries in which they are residing. President Trump has, as has some of his predecessors, also threatened the leaders of other countries for not doing enough to destroy the terrorists. There is no reason to think that this failed plan will now work. At least I am unable to posit a reason that makes me believe it will work.
It is not unusual for us humans to equate winning with overpowering those we label our political, personal or business enemies. We have often lived by the maxim that “all is fair in love and war.” The thinking is that if one can out bully the bully one will have won. One could and many have argued that this strategy has paid off handsomely whether the war is fought with guns, words, physical force or other forces. Winning necessarily implies a loser. There is no doubt that nations, individuals and business companies/corporations have gained money, power, and even temporary peace by overpowering those labeled as their enemy or their competitor. There is also no doubt that the use of the atomic bomb during World War II ended that phase of the war. Of course, it was to be followed by a world in which many nations have and can threaten to use nuclear weapons.
There is also no doubt that giant companies have forced their competitors out of business and have ended up with a monopoly or a near monopoly and, thus, very large profits.
I am suggesting that long term what is being labeled as winning is, in fact, losing.
Part of the genius of the 12-step recovery program and the teachings of many wise, spiritual teachers is that we need to allow for the possible truth that the appearance of losing may often be winning. When an addict is able to accept that once they engage in addictive behavior they are powerless to limit that behavior they can make the decision to quit attempting to be more powerful than the addiction and reclaim their life. It was when Millard Fuller gave up his belief that more business power and money was winning that he was able to join his wife in putting relationships first. This then paved the road for them to found Habitat for Humanity.
The teacher, Jesus, is alleged to have asked. what so many spiritual teachers have asked, “What profits a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?” (Matthew and Mark). The Buddha is alleged to have said, “It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.” (brainyquote.com)
Many terrorists believe that he or she is doing the will of the God of their understanding by destroying “the infidel.” If they die doing the will of the God of their understanding, then they will be rewarded in the afterlife. Thus, if one kills them they win. If they die killing the infidel, then they win. They win every stage of the battle no matter what the seeming outcome of the war which goes on indefinitely. Actually, their belief is not that much different than that of many of those who die fighting them. If a member of the Allied forces dies killing the enemy, he or she is lauded as a hero for giving their life for the greater good. Both the terrorists and those fighting them are operating with an us-them approach. Long term there is no way for either side to win the never-ending war with that approach.
The paradox of step one of the 12 step program is that by accepting one’s powerlessness over the addiction one gains the power to craft a life journey of which one can be proud and which allows one to be part of a “we”. When one is in active addiction one is an individual among many individuals., but never part of a we.
As long as we accept the invitation to be the enemy of the terrorist we will continue to lose the war. We may temporarily win a battle but we will never win the war. The paradox is only when we embrace the terrorist as our brother/sister that they will stop their terrorists activities. Does this mean that we must passively allow current terrorists to kill one? I do not think so, but I do think it means that we have to stop reacting to the violence of the terrorists with violence. In the documentary, “The Gatekeepers” all of the past Israeli intelligences chiefs interviewed arrived at the same conclusions. One of those conclusion is that once a military action starts the goal is to punish and win. The goal is not justice. In other words, once we engage in a battle with a drug or another person(as) the battle takes on a life of its own with goals having nothing to do with justice or the sacredness of the individuals involved.
It may sound simple minded to suggest that we defeat those we have labeled the enemy by embracing them as our brother/sister, but that is exactly what I believe needs to happen. Whether we are exploring our relationship with the environment, the universe(s) and a particular person, group or thing we have labeled the enemy we will only win by not trying to destroy or out bully the enemy. We will only have power by admitting we are powerless.
Written August 23, 2017
Yesterday I heard myself saying to a client, “The paradox of step 1 of the 12-step program is that one gains power by accepting powerlessness.” Earlier yesterday I was thinking about the concept of winning – what it means to win. I was, in part, reacting to President Trump’s assertion in his speech on August 21 that we will win in Afghanistan. Three presidents, thus far, have basically made the same promise to the citizens of the United States. The United States has spent billions of dollars, many lives, and much energy attempting to win a war with those we label as terrorists. The plan seems to have been to overpower the terrorist’s groups with modern weapons and perhaps a bit of bullying of what are alleged to be a number of corrupt leaders and systems in the countries in which they are residing. President Trump has, as has some of his predecessors, also threatened the leaders of other countries for not doing enough to destroy the terrorists. There is no reason to think that this failed plan will now work. At least I am unable to posit a reason that makes me believe it will work.
It is not unusual for us humans to equate winning with overpowering those we label our political, personal or business enemies. We have often lived by the maxim that “all is fair in love and war.” The thinking is that if one can out bully the bully one will have won. One could and many have argued that this strategy has paid off handsomely whether the war is fought with guns, words, physical force or other forces. Winning necessarily implies a loser. There is no doubt that nations, individuals and business companies/corporations have gained money, power, and even temporary peace by overpowering those labeled as their enemy or their competitor. There is also no doubt that the use of the atomic bomb during World War II ended that phase of the war. Of course, it was to be followed by a world in which many nations have and can threaten to use nuclear weapons.
There is also no doubt that giant companies have forced their competitors out of business and have ended up with a monopoly or a near monopoly and, thus, very large profits.
I am suggesting that long term what is being labeled as winning is, in fact, losing.
Part of the genius of the 12-step recovery program and the teachings of many wise, spiritual teachers is that we need to allow for the possible truth that the appearance of losing may often be winning. When an addict is able to accept that once they engage in addictive behavior they are powerless to limit that behavior they can make the decision to quit attempting to be more powerful than the addiction and reclaim their life. It was when Millard Fuller gave up his belief that more business power and money was winning that he was able to join his wife in putting relationships first. This then paved the road for them to found Habitat for Humanity.
The teacher, Jesus, is alleged to have asked. what so many spiritual teachers have asked, “What profits a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?” (Matthew and Mark). The Buddha is alleged to have said, “It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.” (brainyquote.com)
Many terrorists believe that he or she is doing the will of the God of their understanding by destroying “the infidel.” If they die doing the will of the God of their understanding, then they will be rewarded in the afterlife. Thus, if one kills them they win. If they die killing the infidel, then they win. They win every stage of the battle no matter what the seeming outcome of the war which goes on indefinitely. Actually, their belief is not that much different than that of many of those who die fighting them. If a member of the Allied forces dies killing the enemy, he or she is lauded as a hero for giving their life for the greater good. Both the terrorists and those fighting them are operating with an us-them approach. Long term there is no way for either side to win the never-ending war with that approach.
The paradox of step one of the 12 step program is that by accepting one’s powerlessness over the addiction one gains the power to craft a life journey of which one can be proud and which allows one to be part of a “we”. When one is in active addiction one is an individual among many individuals., but never part of a we.
As long as we accept the invitation to be the enemy of the terrorist we will continue to lose the war. We may temporarily win a battle but we will never win the war. The paradox is only when we embrace the terrorist as our brother/sister that they will stop their terrorists activities. Does this mean that we must passively allow current terrorists to kill one? I do not think so, but I do think it means that we have to stop reacting to the violence of the terrorists with violence. In the documentary, “The Gatekeepers” all of the past Israeli intelligences chiefs interviewed arrived at the same conclusions. One of those conclusion is that once a military action starts the goal is to punish and win. The goal is not justice. In other words, once we engage in a battle with a drug or another person(as) the battle takes on a life of its own with goals having nothing to do with justice or the sacredness of the individuals involved.
It may sound simple minded to suggest that we defeat those we have labeled the enemy by embracing them as our brother/sister, but that is exactly what I believe needs to happen. Whether we are exploring our relationship with the environment, the universe(s) and a particular person, group or thing we have labeled the enemy we will only win by not trying to destroy or out bully the enemy. We will only have power by admitting we are powerless.
Written August 23, 2017
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