The reason for the dress
It occurred to me this morning that many of the spiritual leaders we say that we admire wear a dress like garment - the Dali Lamia, Jesus, the Buddha, and the Pope. Obviously, not all spiritual leaders are visible and the dress of some is more clearly more traditionally dress-like. It does seem as if, in many respects, it is appropriate for those wanting to get in closer touch with the nurturing part of themselves to don a type of garment which is in traditionally associated with the gender which, overall, is the more nurturing one. Of course, I am not sure that any of we males will ever be able to duplicate the intimate relationship, which develop during pregnancy and childbirth. Yes, I know that there are women who are not able to establish this sort of intimate relationship with their child during pregnancy and childbirth, but the overwhelming majority of mothers to whom I talk describe something I cannot begin to approach. Even females who are not biological parents often seem to be able to be very nurturing. It is alo true that some of we males, including folks such as the teacher and philosopher, Adam Gopnik, are able to experience a strong sense of the mystery and wonder of the birth and subsequent parenting of a child. Still, in most households, that ability to nurture is not considered the prime characteristic of we males. Daily, it seems, that we ascribe and encourage certain characteristics in we males that often does not include the characteristic of being a nurturer. It is interesting that although women do the majority of the child rearing (with some wonderful exceptions) they are more likely to reinforce those characteristics in male children, which, in a heterosexual relationship, are those they find the least helpful or attractive
Those men who do want to seem to have or be more comfortable with the nurturing part of themselves frequently become doctors, social workers, teachers, or spiritual leaders. Of course, generalities are dangerous and there are those doctors, teachers, social workers and spiritual leaders who seem to be very disdainful of the emotional part of we humans. Some of them may wear a costume similar to a dress but they are “all male” in the traditional sense. On the other hand, spiritual leaders such as Pope Francis seem to have missed the chromosomal instructions and take the dance associated with this costume very seriously. Pope Francis seems to lead with his heart and to take those teaching of Jesus about not judging, becoming as the least of these, living and working among the poor very seriously. Although he masquerades as a pope in his traditional pope costume he seems to have missed the chromosomal call to worship power, position and all the other trapping of the exalted position in which he finds himself. There are many examples, not the least of which is exemplified in his many visits to the homeless, those in prison, and others who exist on the lower rung of the power and monetary ladder. Just recently, on November 10, he was again eating the simple bean soup with the homeless in Florence and graciously removing his zucchetto skullcap so he could put on the chullo hat traditionally worn in the Andes which one of the people at the kitchen gave him.
If one studies the teachings of the Dali Lama, the Buddha or other spiritual leaders such as Mohammed one finds a sensibility to the spirit of who we are as humans – beings, I believe, who are designed to love and be loved; to accept that all of us are enough and, thus, worthy of love. From a cultural standpoint they are very “female”. Perhaps the costume helps them stay in touch with that part of them which is nothing like the costume, which we males as a group wear. Traditionally we males in many parts of the world wear costumes, which are reminiscent of our perceived role as the unemotional, serious, gatekeepers of emotional, spiritual, and physical borders or fences.
Any female reading this blog will, of course, will be asking the obvious question, “if it takes an appreciation and respect for the female sensibility and psyche to be able to access the more spiritual part of ourselves why are some many spiritual teachers of the male gender and so many of the worker bees in the various religions the “worker bees”? Sadly, the answer would involve a sociological, cultural, political, anthropological study of the history of we humans.
It would seem that people who live closer to the earth – the so-called more primitive tribal people found in various parts of the world - traditionally have worn more free flowing, colorful costumes. It is no wonder that certain costumes lend themselves to various life dances. Certainly, the dance of the banker, the Wall Street broker, and the person whose mission it is to build weapons or a bigger bank account or build some other power base is very different than that of tribal member or the Maya Angelo’s of the world. It is no different from the priest or the minister who has co-opted the free flowing dress. Certainly, one can see how easy it would be for a Pope to take the trappings of his office very seriously and to, thus, allow the costume to morph into a power suit.
Interestingly, as I was sitting typing this blog, a man who I have seen on numerous occasions in the Panera’s where I often type, stopped to talk. Some days this man is wearing a very traditional costume and some days he is wearing a clerical collar. I had “assumed (very dangerous of course) that this man was a Roman Catholic Priest. As it turns out he is a priest in an independent Catholic church, which has no ties to Rome but follows a similar liturgy. He and his congregants have not yet been convinced that Pope Francis will be able to bring the church started by that Jesus fellow back to the humbleness and sensibility which inspired and ordained its beginning. He was telling me some of the background of the man who is in charge of the public relations for Pope Francis. It certainly is possible that the Pope who I so admire is the creation of a PR person. On the other hand, the Pope Francis who I am writing about is a very humble and courageous leader. I am not sure if it matters if there are two or more Popes or even more. All of us have many dances and many costumes. We are everything we seem to be and we nothing that we seem to be. In other words we are each more complex that any one of the “Is” who dance is witnessed by others.
I am suggesting that even if I have to fake it, it would serve me – and thus others – well to wear a costume and dance a dance which feeds that part of me which truly knows that it is enough to show up and love and to allow myself to be loved. I recall when I first was working with a dance/movement therapist, he would tell me to dance various emotions. Often I would tell him that I was just faking it. I was not connecting with my emotions. He would tell me that was great and insisted that if I keep faking it I would eventually connect the my brain and heart. That is exactly what happened. This, of course, does not mean that I do not unconsciously, as if in a fugue state, slip back into that emotionally detached, very serious, non- nurturing, male costume. I do, but I would like to think that when I do I recognize it more quickly, go to the closet (internal) and slip on my flowing, moving, dress.
Written November 11, 2015 – Veterans Day in the United States
It occurred to me this morning that many of the spiritual leaders we say that we admire wear a dress like garment - the Dali Lamia, Jesus, the Buddha, and the Pope. Obviously, not all spiritual leaders are visible and the dress of some is more clearly more traditionally dress-like. It does seem as if, in many respects, it is appropriate for those wanting to get in closer touch with the nurturing part of themselves to don a type of garment which is in traditionally associated with the gender which, overall, is the more nurturing one. Of course, I am not sure that any of we males will ever be able to duplicate the intimate relationship, which develop during pregnancy and childbirth. Yes, I know that there are women who are not able to establish this sort of intimate relationship with their child during pregnancy and childbirth, but the overwhelming majority of mothers to whom I talk describe something I cannot begin to approach. Even females who are not biological parents often seem to be able to be very nurturing. It is alo true that some of we males, including folks such as the teacher and philosopher, Adam Gopnik, are able to experience a strong sense of the mystery and wonder of the birth and subsequent parenting of a child. Still, in most households, that ability to nurture is not considered the prime characteristic of we males. Daily, it seems, that we ascribe and encourage certain characteristics in we males that often does not include the characteristic of being a nurturer. It is interesting that although women do the majority of the child rearing (with some wonderful exceptions) they are more likely to reinforce those characteristics in male children, which, in a heterosexual relationship, are those they find the least helpful or attractive
Those men who do want to seem to have or be more comfortable with the nurturing part of themselves frequently become doctors, social workers, teachers, or spiritual leaders. Of course, generalities are dangerous and there are those doctors, teachers, social workers and spiritual leaders who seem to be very disdainful of the emotional part of we humans. Some of them may wear a costume similar to a dress but they are “all male” in the traditional sense. On the other hand, spiritual leaders such as Pope Francis seem to have missed the chromosomal instructions and take the dance associated with this costume very seriously. Pope Francis seems to lead with his heart and to take those teaching of Jesus about not judging, becoming as the least of these, living and working among the poor very seriously. Although he masquerades as a pope in his traditional pope costume he seems to have missed the chromosomal call to worship power, position and all the other trapping of the exalted position in which he finds himself. There are many examples, not the least of which is exemplified in his many visits to the homeless, those in prison, and others who exist on the lower rung of the power and monetary ladder. Just recently, on November 10, he was again eating the simple bean soup with the homeless in Florence and graciously removing his zucchetto skullcap so he could put on the chullo hat traditionally worn in the Andes which one of the people at the kitchen gave him.
If one studies the teachings of the Dali Lama, the Buddha or other spiritual leaders such as Mohammed one finds a sensibility to the spirit of who we are as humans – beings, I believe, who are designed to love and be loved; to accept that all of us are enough and, thus, worthy of love. From a cultural standpoint they are very “female”. Perhaps the costume helps them stay in touch with that part of them which is nothing like the costume, which we males as a group wear. Traditionally we males in many parts of the world wear costumes, which are reminiscent of our perceived role as the unemotional, serious, gatekeepers of emotional, spiritual, and physical borders or fences.
Any female reading this blog will, of course, will be asking the obvious question, “if it takes an appreciation and respect for the female sensibility and psyche to be able to access the more spiritual part of ourselves why are some many spiritual teachers of the male gender and so many of the worker bees in the various religions the “worker bees”? Sadly, the answer would involve a sociological, cultural, political, anthropological study of the history of we humans.
It would seem that people who live closer to the earth – the so-called more primitive tribal people found in various parts of the world - traditionally have worn more free flowing, colorful costumes. It is no wonder that certain costumes lend themselves to various life dances. Certainly, the dance of the banker, the Wall Street broker, and the person whose mission it is to build weapons or a bigger bank account or build some other power base is very different than that of tribal member or the Maya Angelo’s of the world. It is no different from the priest or the minister who has co-opted the free flowing dress. Certainly, one can see how easy it would be for a Pope to take the trappings of his office very seriously and to, thus, allow the costume to morph into a power suit.
Interestingly, as I was sitting typing this blog, a man who I have seen on numerous occasions in the Panera’s where I often type, stopped to talk. Some days this man is wearing a very traditional costume and some days he is wearing a clerical collar. I had “assumed (very dangerous of course) that this man was a Roman Catholic Priest. As it turns out he is a priest in an independent Catholic church, which has no ties to Rome but follows a similar liturgy. He and his congregants have not yet been convinced that Pope Francis will be able to bring the church started by that Jesus fellow back to the humbleness and sensibility which inspired and ordained its beginning. He was telling me some of the background of the man who is in charge of the public relations for Pope Francis. It certainly is possible that the Pope who I so admire is the creation of a PR person. On the other hand, the Pope Francis who I am writing about is a very humble and courageous leader. I am not sure if it matters if there are two or more Popes or even more. All of us have many dances and many costumes. We are everything we seem to be and we nothing that we seem to be. In other words we are each more complex that any one of the “Is” who dance is witnessed by others.
I am suggesting that even if I have to fake it, it would serve me – and thus others – well to wear a costume and dance a dance which feeds that part of me which truly knows that it is enough to show up and love and to allow myself to be loved. I recall when I first was working with a dance/movement therapist, he would tell me to dance various emotions. Often I would tell him that I was just faking it. I was not connecting with my emotions. He would tell me that was great and insisted that if I keep faking it I would eventually connect the my brain and heart. That is exactly what happened. This, of course, does not mean that I do not unconsciously, as if in a fugue state, slip back into that emotionally detached, very serious, non- nurturing, male costume. I do, but I would like to think that when I do I recognize it more quickly, go to the closet (internal) and slip on my flowing, moving, dress.
Written November 11, 2015 – Veterans Day in the United States
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