The soldier or the scout
I was thinking this morning, July 27, 2016 about one of the books by the late Dr. Wayne Dyer – Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life in which he examines various translations of Tao Te Ching. The ancient text of the Tao To Ching was the perfect basis for a discussion of the relative nature of the truth.
Later I was reading an article in the July 27, 2016 Personal Journal of the Wall Street Journal, p D1, by Sue Shellenbarger entitled “How inaccurate memories can be good for you.” She points out in the article that some inaccurate memories can provide significant comfort. For example, the false memory of an emotionally distant parent being particularly comforting in early childhood can soften some negative or sad memories and do not hurt anyone. Other inaccurate memories may not be so helpful and may in fact be harmful.
Julia Galef in a June 2016 Ted Talk entitled “Why you think you’re right –even if you’re wrong” recounts the story of a 19th century soldier being falsely accused of spying and subsequently being imprisoned despite later evidence clearly indicating that he was not guilty. Ms. Galef suggests that if we want to change our mindset we need to change the way we feel. I normally think that we need to change our thoughts which will, in turn, will change our feelings. I completely agree with Ms. Galef that we need to switch from a soldier mindset to a scout mindset. She describes the differences in the two jobs or roles:
“So I'd like you to imagine for a moment that you're a soldier in the heat of battle. Maybe you're a Roman foot soldier or a medieval archer or maybe you're a Zulu warrior. Regardless of your time and place, there are some things that are constant. Your adrenaline is elevated, and your actions are stemming from these deeply ingrained reflexes, reflexes rooted in a need to protect yourself and your side and to defeat the enemy.
0:41
So now, I'd like you to imagine playing a very different role, that of the scout. The scout's job is not to attack or defend. The scout's job is to understand. The scout is the one going out, mapping the terrain, identifying potential obstacles. And the scout may hope to learn that, say, there's a bridge in a convenient location across a river. But above all, the scout wants to know what's really there, as accurately as possible. And in a real, actual army, both the soldier and the scout are essential. But you can also think of each of these roles as a mindset -- a metaphor for how all of us process information and ideas in our daily lives. What I'm going to argue today is that having good judgment, making accurate predictions, making good decisions, is mostly about which mindset you're in.”
Many of us can get caught in the perceived need to be “right.” We are convinced that what some would consider is an opinion, is, in fact, an absolute truth. There can be no better example than listening to the statements or speeches of political candidates. Fortunately we now have professionals whose job it is to research the evidence which support or refutes the statements of political candidates. Sadly there is no such recognized authority for the opinions or “truths” upon which nations or groups base their violent actions. There is also no such recognized authority for couples or other family members who may often harbor long term negative feelings because their partner or other family members do not agree with their version of the truth. True, some issues may present us with clear evidence of a single truth. You said such and such is not one of those issues. Clearly I can never accurately report what you say. At times, what I hear or see may closely approximate what you intended to convey. Often that is not the case. In my counseling profession I am often asked to help couples or other family members who are very angry because their version of what transpired is not accepted as the absolute truth by their partner or other family members. My goal is often to guide them in exploring the question of whether their goal is to prove that they are right or to problem solve. Occasionally I notice myself wanting to be right about no one needing to be right – needing parties involved to accept my truth that there is no one truth. At times there may be. It may be true that the car does, in fact, have a flat tire or the air conditioner is not working. Generally we will not argue about those sorts of “facts.” We may argue about why the tire is flat or why the air conditioner is broken. We may say the tire is flat because of the way our partner or child drives or someone left something sharp in the driveway. We may say that the air conditioner is broken because the other person did not call in a timely manner for it to be routinely checked.
Whether we think that we need to change our feelings or our thoughts, if we want to explore the role of the scout we may need to allow for the possibility that:
· We see or hear a partial truth. The words or field of vision may be limited.
· Our goal is to prove that are right, to punish the other for what we see or hear as their misdeed and not to problem solve.
· The issue is not that important.
· What we thought we heard or saw triggered a fear. For example if our partner has lied about something important in the past, then a perceived exaggeration might trigger the fear that they are going to lie about something important again.
· We can always empathize with what the other is feeling – frightened, hurt, sad, or distrustful. We can always say I am sorry that you got some fearful feeling or whatever without taking responsibility for the feeling.
Perhaps the most important point is to be able to recognize when we have fallen into the trap of needing to be right. In the case of the 19th century French soldier no amount of evidence to the contrary could change the minds of those who needed to be “right.” They were not able to step back and ask, “Is our goal to be right? Do we need this man to be the guilty party so that some of our other beliefs are not disturbed? Is it possible that there are other facts which have yet to be revealed?”
My friend A wrote me this morning saying that he was initiating discussions with some of his close friends about some past behavior of his. Clearly he does not want to repeat the past behavior and has enough ego strength or strength of character to admit to his friends that he has slipped into behavior in the past which was not consistent with his core values. I have enormous respect for A and his ability to accept his own human ability to make mistakes or to be wrong.
The first verse of the Tao di Ching as translated by S. Mitchell illustrates the openness of thought which A is practicing:
The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.
The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.
Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.
Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.
Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.
Written July 27, 2016
I was thinking this morning, July 27, 2016 about one of the books by the late Dr. Wayne Dyer – Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life in which he examines various translations of Tao Te Ching. The ancient text of the Tao To Ching was the perfect basis for a discussion of the relative nature of the truth.
Later I was reading an article in the July 27, 2016 Personal Journal of the Wall Street Journal, p D1, by Sue Shellenbarger entitled “How inaccurate memories can be good for you.” She points out in the article that some inaccurate memories can provide significant comfort. For example, the false memory of an emotionally distant parent being particularly comforting in early childhood can soften some negative or sad memories and do not hurt anyone. Other inaccurate memories may not be so helpful and may in fact be harmful.
Julia Galef in a June 2016 Ted Talk entitled “Why you think you’re right –even if you’re wrong” recounts the story of a 19th century soldier being falsely accused of spying and subsequently being imprisoned despite later evidence clearly indicating that he was not guilty. Ms. Galef suggests that if we want to change our mindset we need to change the way we feel. I normally think that we need to change our thoughts which will, in turn, will change our feelings. I completely agree with Ms. Galef that we need to switch from a soldier mindset to a scout mindset. She describes the differences in the two jobs or roles:
“So I'd like you to imagine for a moment that you're a soldier in the heat of battle. Maybe you're a Roman foot soldier or a medieval archer or maybe you're a Zulu warrior. Regardless of your time and place, there are some things that are constant. Your adrenaline is elevated, and your actions are stemming from these deeply ingrained reflexes, reflexes rooted in a need to protect yourself and your side and to defeat the enemy.
0:41
So now, I'd like you to imagine playing a very different role, that of the scout. The scout's job is not to attack or defend. The scout's job is to understand. The scout is the one going out, mapping the terrain, identifying potential obstacles. And the scout may hope to learn that, say, there's a bridge in a convenient location across a river. But above all, the scout wants to know what's really there, as accurately as possible. And in a real, actual army, both the soldier and the scout are essential. But you can also think of each of these roles as a mindset -- a metaphor for how all of us process information and ideas in our daily lives. What I'm going to argue today is that having good judgment, making accurate predictions, making good decisions, is mostly about which mindset you're in.”
Many of us can get caught in the perceived need to be “right.” We are convinced that what some would consider is an opinion, is, in fact, an absolute truth. There can be no better example than listening to the statements or speeches of political candidates. Fortunately we now have professionals whose job it is to research the evidence which support or refutes the statements of political candidates. Sadly there is no such recognized authority for the opinions or “truths” upon which nations or groups base their violent actions. There is also no such recognized authority for couples or other family members who may often harbor long term negative feelings because their partner or other family members do not agree with their version of the truth. True, some issues may present us with clear evidence of a single truth. You said such and such is not one of those issues. Clearly I can never accurately report what you say. At times, what I hear or see may closely approximate what you intended to convey. Often that is not the case. In my counseling profession I am often asked to help couples or other family members who are very angry because their version of what transpired is not accepted as the absolute truth by their partner or other family members. My goal is often to guide them in exploring the question of whether their goal is to prove that they are right or to problem solve. Occasionally I notice myself wanting to be right about no one needing to be right – needing parties involved to accept my truth that there is no one truth. At times there may be. It may be true that the car does, in fact, have a flat tire or the air conditioner is not working. Generally we will not argue about those sorts of “facts.” We may argue about why the tire is flat or why the air conditioner is broken. We may say the tire is flat because of the way our partner or child drives or someone left something sharp in the driveway. We may say that the air conditioner is broken because the other person did not call in a timely manner for it to be routinely checked.
Whether we think that we need to change our feelings or our thoughts, if we want to explore the role of the scout we may need to allow for the possibility that:
· We see or hear a partial truth. The words or field of vision may be limited.
· Our goal is to prove that are right, to punish the other for what we see or hear as their misdeed and not to problem solve.
· The issue is not that important.
· What we thought we heard or saw triggered a fear. For example if our partner has lied about something important in the past, then a perceived exaggeration might trigger the fear that they are going to lie about something important again.
· We can always empathize with what the other is feeling – frightened, hurt, sad, or distrustful. We can always say I am sorry that you got some fearful feeling or whatever without taking responsibility for the feeling.
Perhaps the most important point is to be able to recognize when we have fallen into the trap of needing to be right. In the case of the 19th century French soldier no amount of evidence to the contrary could change the minds of those who needed to be “right.” They were not able to step back and ask, “Is our goal to be right? Do we need this man to be the guilty party so that some of our other beliefs are not disturbed? Is it possible that there are other facts which have yet to be revealed?”
My friend A wrote me this morning saying that he was initiating discussions with some of his close friends about some past behavior of his. Clearly he does not want to repeat the past behavior and has enough ego strength or strength of character to admit to his friends that he has slipped into behavior in the past which was not consistent with his core values. I have enormous respect for A and his ability to accept his own human ability to make mistakes or to be wrong.
The first verse of the Tao di Ching as translated by S. Mitchell illustrates the openness of thought which A is practicing:
The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.
The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.
Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.
Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.
Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.
Written July 27, 2016
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