The truth will set us free
I have just finished cleaning the desk off, framed a new pastel painting done by a dear friend (which has been patiently sitting on my desk for some weeks), filed a stack of papers on my desk, made a minor repair to a frame, put away some supplies I had purchased earlier, responded to emails, and dusted some area I had missed yesterday. The reason why I have done all this is not because I am so compulsive that I do this daily, but because I could not seem to convince myself to start writing. Earlier today I had responded to a text from a friend who said he was not writing because he was struggling to find words. What he meant, of course, was he was waiting for the “right” or “accurate” words to make an appearance. I wrote back saying that when I feel unable to find the words I want or need to write I start by writing just that. I may know it would be very beneficial to clarify some thoughts, to discover that my core values are not as clear as I wanted to claim, to find that I have made some decisions not entirely based on core values, or to find that I am putting off some decision or action because of fear or lack of a guarantee about the results. Still I avoid writing.
It seems for me that while I ‘know” research and preparation is good prior to starting a project be that writing, a repair, or some other task which I feel I cannot do “perfectly” or even decently, there comes a time when action is needed. Waiting for the right time, divine inspiration, the muse, or the robotic assistant of the future is futile. The time to start step-by-step patiently stumbling my way through this task has arrived. There is nothing to be gained by waiting. Thus, when the task is writing, as it was with this friend and as it was with me later, there was nothing to do but admit that there was no point waiting for the right moment. I needed to put pen to paper and start writing or, in the case of today, put fingers to the keyboard and start typing.
Often I do not want to find out the truth of the words which might appear on the paper. It does seem to me at least that I have always been constitutionally incapable of lying to myself when writing. Oh, I might be able to write many words without saying anything of any import. I might even be able to write a 60 page A+ paper on “The Ontological Existence of Being,” but when it comes to what I “need” to find out about myself if I am to take the next step in professional, spiritual or emotional growth, I need to know where “I am.” Recently I was challenged to write down a plan for the next step in my writing. Am I going to just keep writing a blog, write a book, get more disciplined by writing a more polished essay once a week instead of a less polished blog once a day, or am I just going to pretend as if I can just keep doing what I am doing. In other words, am I going to pretend as if I can avoid the existential truth that there is only movement forwards or backwards? There is no standing still.
Obviously, I know and have known that there is no standing still. Yet, I consistently seem to be able convince myself that perhaps today it is possible.
Once I begin writing I “know” that the truth will indeed make an appearance. Once made, I will be free to make an honest decision and take responsibility for the same.
Writing for me is the first step of confession. The second one is listening to what I am saying to the page and the third is frequently sharing it with another human being. Freedom for me comes only when I am willing to take those first three steps. Once I have taken them I am free from the tension of attempting to hide from myself, take responsibility for my decisions and plan the next step in whatever area of my life I am addressing.
With practice, claiming that freedom might be a less arduous process. For example, I have been deciding to exercise daily for so long that I no longer need to write about the possibility of avoiding exercise. I know myself too well to avoid the truth that once I have given myself one excuse to avoid exercise I could articulate a very cogent and new excuse for at least the next 1000 days or even more.
Others might find “the truth” by composing music, painting, sculpting, dancing or some other means. The fact is we will only know freedom by allowing ourselves to “know” the truth.
When I started writing I was not consciously thinking of what John wrote in 32nd verse of the eighth chapter, “Then you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” Yet, there it was. It took all these words to get back to that essential knowledge which I have held in my brain for many years. All wise spiritual teachers of whatever tradition have reminded their followers of the same essential fact. We all “know” this to be basic and, yet, it made take many words to get this honest with ourselves.
Obviously when I communicated with a friend earlier today I needed to be reminded of this essential truth but, at the time, I was deluding myself that I was reminding him. That always seems to be the case.
Then I shall know the truth and the truth will set me free.
Written April 29, 2017
I have just finished cleaning the desk off, framed a new pastel painting done by a dear friend (which has been patiently sitting on my desk for some weeks), filed a stack of papers on my desk, made a minor repair to a frame, put away some supplies I had purchased earlier, responded to emails, and dusted some area I had missed yesterday. The reason why I have done all this is not because I am so compulsive that I do this daily, but because I could not seem to convince myself to start writing. Earlier today I had responded to a text from a friend who said he was not writing because he was struggling to find words. What he meant, of course, was he was waiting for the “right” or “accurate” words to make an appearance. I wrote back saying that when I feel unable to find the words I want or need to write I start by writing just that. I may know it would be very beneficial to clarify some thoughts, to discover that my core values are not as clear as I wanted to claim, to find that I have made some decisions not entirely based on core values, or to find that I am putting off some decision or action because of fear or lack of a guarantee about the results. Still I avoid writing.
It seems for me that while I ‘know” research and preparation is good prior to starting a project be that writing, a repair, or some other task which I feel I cannot do “perfectly” or even decently, there comes a time when action is needed. Waiting for the right time, divine inspiration, the muse, or the robotic assistant of the future is futile. The time to start step-by-step patiently stumbling my way through this task has arrived. There is nothing to be gained by waiting. Thus, when the task is writing, as it was with this friend and as it was with me later, there was nothing to do but admit that there was no point waiting for the right moment. I needed to put pen to paper and start writing or, in the case of today, put fingers to the keyboard and start typing.
Often I do not want to find out the truth of the words which might appear on the paper. It does seem to me at least that I have always been constitutionally incapable of lying to myself when writing. Oh, I might be able to write many words without saying anything of any import. I might even be able to write a 60 page A+ paper on “The Ontological Existence of Being,” but when it comes to what I “need” to find out about myself if I am to take the next step in professional, spiritual or emotional growth, I need to know where “I am.” Recently I was challenged to write down a plan for the next step in my writing. Am I going to just keep writing a blog, write a book, get more disciplined by writing a more polished essay once a week instead of a less polished blog once a day, or am I just going to pretend as if I can just keep doing what I am doing. In other words, am I going to pretend as if I can avoid the existential truth that there is only movement forwards or backwards? There is no standing still.
Obviously, I know and have known that there is no standing still. Yet, I consistently seem to be able convince myself that perhaps today it is possible.
Once I begin writing I “know” that the truth will indeed make an appearance. Once made, I will be free to make an honest decision and take responsibility for the same.
Writing for me is the first step of confession. The second one is listening to what I am saying to the page and the third is frequently sharing it with another human being. Freedom for me comes only when I am willing to take those first three steps. Once I have taken them I am free from the tension of attempting to hide from myself, take responsibility for my decisions and plan the next step in whatever area of my life I am addressing.
With practice, claiming that freedom might be a less arduous process. For example, I have been deciding to exercise daily for so long that I no longer need to write about the possibility of avoiding exercise. I know myself too well to avoid the truth that once I have given myself one excuse to avoid exercise I could articulate a very cogent and new excuse for at least the next 1000 days or even more.
Others might find “the truth” by composing music, painting, sculpting, dancing or some other means. The fact is we will only know freedom by allowing ourselves to “know” the truth.
When I started writing I was not consciously thinking of what John wrote in 32nd verse of the eighth chapter, “Then you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” Yet, there it was. It took all these words to get back to that essential knowledge which I have held in my brain for many years. All wise spiritual teachers of whatever tradition have reminded their followers of the same essential fact. We all “know” this to be basic and, yet, it made take many words to get this honest with ourselves.
Obviously when I communicated with a friend earlier today I needed to be reminded of this essential truth but, at the time, I was deluding myself that I was reminding him. That always seems to be the case.
Then I shall know the truth and the truth will set me free.
Written April 29, 2017
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