The “truths” by which we live
Some of us very early in life learn that the people who we depend on to take care of us are not able to do the job. In fact, there are times when they not only ignore their caretaking role, there are times when they blame the most vulnerable in the family for their unhappiness. If we are unlucky enough to be raised in such an environment, we quickly decide that those adults cannot be trusted. Since our ability as very young children to do a scientific study is limited one may decide all adults are untrustworthy. We may then go through this life journey using the results of one’s very unscientific study angry, withdrawn, self- abusive and abusive of others. In other words, we remain convinced that we are still this child who must kick and scream while maintaining emotional distance from everyone. Our posture will reflect this very frightened, defensive dance.
As children, we may arrive at many universal truths about ourselves, others and the world based on the limited sample size of the adults with whom we “landed”. Some of us may have been raised by parents, other relatives, foster parents, group home staff or detention center staff none of whom were able to provide the nurturing environment we needed to thrive. We may feel that our sample size was quite adequate. In point of fact our “sample” composition from a scientific standpoint was skewed and pitifully small.
Some of us may be use the results of scientific studies to make decisions in our professional life. We may even be very scientific when selecting schools for our children or even what brand of soap we purchase and use. Yet, we will continue to arrive at relationship truths, spiritual truths, and even political/community truths based on our very unscientific childhood studies.
If we want to have a healthy relationship with ourselves, with a potential partner, with our children and even our community we must identify the “truths” we learn about ourselves, others and the world. We must then lay out those truths on the dining room table and subject each one of them of the rigors of an adult scientific mind. Some of the “truths” we may find in that pile of the dining room table which will not stand up to the rigors of an adult’s scientific mind are:
We will find the list is endless. We will need to spend the rest of our life identifying and subjecting these truths to the rigors of adult scientific studies. This is a journey and not a destination.
Some of the new truths may be:
We can all benefit from being more rigorous scientists when it comes to identifying the truths by which we live.
Written June 22, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org.
Some of us very early in life learn that the people who we depend on to take care of us are not able to do the job. In fact, there are times when they not only ignore their caretaking role, there are times when they blame the most vulnerable in the family for their unhappiness. If we are unlucky enough to be raised in such an environment, we quickly decide that those adults cannot be trusted. Since our ability as very young children to do a scientific study is limited one may decide all adults are untrustworthy. We may then go through this life journey using the results of one’s very unscientific study angry, withdrawn, self- abusive and abusive of others. In other words, we remain convinced that we are still this child who must kick and scream while maintaining emotional distance from everyone. Our posture will reflect this very frightened, defensive dance.
As children, we may arrive at many universal truths about ourselves, others and the world based on the limited sample size of the adults with whom we “landed”. Some of us may have been raised by parents, other relatives, foster parents, group home staff or detention center staff none of whom were able to provide the nurturing environment we needed to thrive. We may feel that our sample size was quite adequate. In point of fact our “sample” composition from a scientific standpoint was skewed and pitifully small.
Some of us may be use the results of scientific studies to make decisions in our professional life. We may even be very scientific when selecting schools for our children or even what brand of soap we purchase and use. Yet, we will continue to arrive at relationship truths, spiritual truths, and even political/community truths based on our very unscientific childhood studies.
If we want to have a healthy relationship with ourselves, with a potential partner, with our children and even our community we must identify the “truths” we learn about ourselves, others and the world. We must then lay out those truths on the dining room table and subject each one of them of the rigors of an adult scientific mind. Some of the “truths” we may find in that pile of the dining room table which will not stand up to the rigors of an adult’s scientific mind are:
- No adults can be trusted.
- No other children can be trusted.
- Heathy people do not cry or express other emotions.
- Trust has to be earned rather than withheld only if there is evidence it is not safe to trust.
- Only people of a certain gender, color, race, religion or sexual orientations can be trusted
- All people are self-centered and out to get what they can from one.
- My “sins” are more numerous and worse than those of others.
- I am not worthy of love.
- I am a sexual object.
- My choice of vehicle defines me.
We will find the list is endless. We will need to spend the rest of our life identifying and subjecting these truths to the rigors of adult scientific studies. This is a journey and not a destination.
Some of the new truths may be:
- Most adults can be trusted. Some cannot.
- Most children can be trusted including that child who lives inside of me.
- Healthy, loving people care deeply and have a variety of emotions, including tears which they openly share.
- Trust can be safely given until there is a reason not to give it.
- Gender, color, race, religious and sexual orientation are not used by healthy people as the basis for trust.
- Most people want to be good people and to have healthy relationships although not all are able to allow them.
- Our “sins” are not worse then, more interesting than, or more numerous than others. We are all equally human.
- We are all worthy of love if we allow it from those healthy enough to give it.
- We are not a sexual object. We are sexual beings but that is not the totality or even the center of who we are.
We can all benefit from being more rigorous scientists when it comes to identifying the truths by which we live.
Written June 22, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org.
RSS Feed