To act or react
As I watched some clips from the State of the Union address given by the President of the United States on February 4, 2020 I was reminded how easy it is to fall into the trap of reacting rather than acting. It would be easy to be critical of both the President and Ms. Pelosi actions; his refusal to shake her hand and her decision to publicly tear up her copy of his address were both dramatic and reactionary.
I can easily emulate their behavior. I can find much to criticize in the behavior of many of our elected officials. Reacting and being critical is, however, much different than presenting a well-organized, respectful point of view which may be much different than that of another. To justify reacting to the actions of President Trump and Ms. Pelosi I would have to deny or ignore my own history of reacting. I have never held such key jobs as Ms. Pelosi and President Trump and, thus, my actions are not broadcast on national television to audiences around the world. My reactions are observed by and experienced by a relatively few number of people but considering the six degrees of separation they potentially affect many.
Today my intention is to see the behavior of the President and Ms. Pelosi as a mirror of all the times I have reacted instead of acting; all the times I have had thoughts of or desires to react. Just this morning, I had thoughts of reacting in an angry, critical way to someone close to my heart who is refusing to respond to my emails or text messages. I have no idea what is going on with this person.
My goal is to non-judgmentally notice my thoughts or feelings of wanting to react. That means I do not want to react to either my reactions or my thoughts or feelings of reacting. If I can practice just noticing my thoughts, feelings or reactions the odds of my being able to catch myself before reacting are much better.
The laws of physics explain why it is so easy to react rather than to act. If I feel victimized, slighted, ignored, abused or disrespected (feelings, as we know are not facts) then to maintain or create a balanced system I must respond in kind. If I, however, choose not to react to the perceived action or reaction of another then the system (the other person(s) and I) is out of balance. Unbalanced systems create discomfort. Discomfort can easily result in a reaction rather than an action borne out of one’s core values.
In deciding to act rather than react one must access one’s core values. If one is not in the habit of keeping those readily accessible in the forefront of one’s mind it is going to be very difficult to call upon them. My core values include:
- Treat all others as sacred; treat them as I want to be treated.
- Avoid taking the behavior of others personally.
- Avoid accepting invitations to negative space.
- Trust that I will get what I need to grow spiritually. Every situation is an opportunity to grow spiritually.
- Take daily responsibility for filling my physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and nutritional gas tanks.
- Remember quality and not quantity matters; money, power, things are not important in and of themselves. They can be used for positive and negative goals.
- Keep relationships with self, others, and higher power primary.
- Avoid blaming other people, places or events for my actions.
- Be accepting and forgiving of my humanness while being accountable for my behavior.
- Admit, promptly, when I am wrong.
- Make amends for hurtful behavior when possible
- Let go of the illusion of being right.
Using the actions of Ms. Pelosi and President Trump as examples, my goal/spiritual intention is to accept the hand of friendship or civility when offered and to treat the speech or statement of another with respect even if I think it is untruthful or my version/my understanding of the truth is much different.
I am a work in progress. My intention does not consistently become manifest reality but I stop myself from reacting more often and seldom blame my reaction on others. One step at a time.
Written February 6, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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