Turn the other cheek
I was impressed after listening to an interview with a mother and her teenage daughter who were planning to peacefully, respectfully and publicly demonstrate an alternative to some of the behavior of President Trump when he visits London today. They have experienced him as being generally disrespectful of others. Their goal is to publicly encourage and support rhetoric as well as behavior which is respectful of all people and all countries. For them, the equivalent of turning the other check is, while remaining loving and respectful, to stand tall and clearly for a more positive approach to how we humans treat each other. This behavior is in the tradition of Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Rosa Parks, the Dali Lama and others who believe that non-violence (physical and verbal) can be a powerful method of effecting positive change.
Earlier, I was talking to a friend whose goal is to quit reacting to unhealthy people with whom he was associated in his active addiction. He is now in recovery and determined to live a spiritual life of which he can be proud. For him this means not giving unhealthy people the power over his behavior; saying no to the invitation to negative/destructive behavior.
Many of us have had and may currently have people in our lives who make mean statement to or about us. The may call our worth or character into question. They may gossip and/or spread lies about us. They may even attempt to call into question our professional integrity jeopardizing our professional licenses. It is very tempting to “fight fire with fire”; to verbally attack them and their integrity in some ways. One might be tempted to physically threaten them or even physically harm them. It may seem as if there is no other way to defend oneself. It can be a formidable challenge to continue to treat those who mistreat us with unconditional love. Yet, if we react in kind, we give others the power to decide the legacy we will leave - enlarging the circle of hate and mistrust.
A young friend of mine called me last evening upset because a family member had said some very mean things to her. I know this family well. Addiction has been a frequent visitor to the family for many years. Everyone in the family has been deeply wounded. It is easy to understand why some family members continue to wear shields of hurtful language and other behavior. Yet, the real enemy in this family is the history of addiction; the history of sick brains constantly assaulting every facet of the life of this family. When this happens year after year after year it is tough to trust that it is safe to expose one’s pain rather than protecting oneself with angry accusations which push others away. Sometime folks in this family take their anger out on the healthiest ones in the family who attempt to stay connected. Everyone in the family knows, consciously or unconsciously, these family members will continue to love unconditionally no matter what happens. Yet the anger can also eventually wear down the healthier family members until they too cannot function well. I stressed to this young friend that she needs to make sure she takes good care of herself emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Obviously or it seem obvious to me that there is a good reason why it is so difficult or many of us humans to hang on to a commitment to emotional, verbal and physical non-violence. Few of us seem to have a system for staying spiritually centered; a system which includes a healthy spiritual support system. What constitutes a spiritual system will vary from person to person. For some it may involve a God of one’s understanding. For others, it may be a simple as a scientific belief in the interdependence of all of “nature” and a refusal to assist in the destruction of that interdependence. It seems to me that unless I am very intentional about staying on track spiritually I will get off track. For me staying on track involves being true to the belief that unconditional love is not only a more effective way to live together but the morally right thing to do. I cannot both love unconditionally and be violent.
Written July 12, 2018
I was impressed after listening to an interview with a mother and her teenage daughter who were planning to peacefully, respectfully and publicly demonstrate an alternative to some of the behavior of President Trump when he visits London today. They have experienced him as being generally disrespectful of others. Their goal is to publicly encourage and support rhetoric as well as behavior which is respectful of all people and all countries. For them, the equivalent of turning the other check is, while remaining loving and respectful, to stand tall and clearly for a more positive approach to how we humans treat each other. This behavior is in the tradition of Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Rosa Parks, the Dali Lama and others who believe that non-violence (physical and verbal) can be a powerful method of effecting positive change.
Earlier, I was talking to a friend whose goal is to quit reacting to unhealthy people with whom he was associated in his active addiction. He is now in recovery and determined to live a spiritual life of which he can be proud. For him this means not giving unhealthy people the power over his behavior; saying no to the invitation to negative/destructive behavior.
Many of us have had and may currently have people in our lives who make mean statement to or about us. The may call our worth or character into question. They may gossip and/or spread lies about us. They may even attempt to call into question our professional integrity jeopardizing our professional licenses. It is very tempting to “fight fire with fire”; to verbally attack them and their integrity in some ways. One might be tempted to physically threaten them or even physically harm them. It may seem as if there is no other way to defend oneself. It can be a formidable challenge to continue to treat those who mistreat us with unconditional love. Yet, if we react in kind, we give others the power to decide the legacy we will leave - enlarging the circle of hate and mistrust.
A young friend of mine called me last evening upset because a family member had said some very mean things to her. I know this family well. Addiction has been a frequent visitor to the family for many years. Everyone in the family has been deeply wounded. It is easy to understand why some family members continue to wear shields of hurtful language and other behavior. Yet, the real enemy in this family is the history of addiction; the history of sick brains constantly assaulting every facet of the life of this family. When this happens year after year after year it is tough to trust that it is safe to expose one’s pain rather than protecting oneself with angry accusations which push others away. Sometime folks in this family take their anger out on the healthiest ones in the family who attempt to stay connected. Everyone in the family knows, consciously or unconsciously, these family members will continue to love unconditionally no matter what happens. Yet the anger can also eventually wear down the healthier family members until they too cannot function well. I stressed to this young friend that she needs to make sure she takes good care of herself emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Obviously or it seem obvious to me that there is a good reason why it is so difficult or many of us humans to hang on to a commitment to emotional, verbal and physical non-violence. Few of us seem to have a system for staying spiritually centered; a system which includes a healthy spiritual support system. What constitutes a spiritual system will vary from person to person. For some it may involve a God of one’s understanding. For others, it may be a simple as a scientific belief in the interdependence of all of “nature” and a refusal to assist in the destruction of that interdependence. It seems to me that unless I am very intentional about staying on track spiritually I will get off track. For me staying on track involves being true to the belief that unconditional love is not only a more effective way to live together but the morally right thing to do. I cannot both love unconditionally and be violent.
Written July 12, 2018
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