Twelve-year-old Paul practices “just noticing”
Apparently the schools which my adopted 12-year-old nephew and six-year-old niece attend scheduled a teachers’ meeting for the day following the annual Super Bowl game. I am sure that many parents who stayed up to watch the game were not opposed to taking the day off or at least using the excuse of having to care for the children to treat themselves to a few extra winks. Unfortunately, I know that was not the case with the parents of Paul and Sam. I had gladly arranged my schedule so they could spend the day with me. I thought that perhaps we could begin the day by making homemade cinnamon rolls which we could eat with oatmeal. Sunday I had made up the refrigerator dough. It was rising over the top of the bowl this morning. This morning I had measured out the oats, milk, a little cinnamon and a little brown sugar. I also set out the frozen blueberries to thaw. After that I melted ½ cup of butter in the microwave. I also got out the other ingredients for the rolls and the frosting – powered sugar, butter to soften, vanilla extract, milk, and cinnamon. We would also need the pastry sheet, flour, and rolling pin.
I had decided earlier that since it is a cool morning I would make the hot chocolate and have it ready when they arrived.
I look across the way to the house next door and I see the kids bundle up in their coats and hats on this cool morning.
Me: Good morning. Burr…. You both look cold.
Paul: Not that cold Uncle Jim.
Sam: I am!
Me: Well, come on in and we will have a little hot chocolate before we start making the cinnamon rolls. How does that sound?
Paul: With marshmallows Uncle Jim?
Me: Of course! What would hot chocolate be without marshmallows?
Sam: I will get them Uncle Jim.
Sam gets the kitchen stool and climbs up to get them from the lower shelf.
Me: Paul, how about you put on your apron and help Sam with hers while I pour out the hot chocolate.
Paul: Okay uncle Jim.
They seem to be on their very best behavior so far this morning with none of the normal sibling rivalry. Perhaps it is the novelty of both spending the day with me. More often, except when I am with the entire family, I visit with one at a time so that each feels special.
I pour the hot chocolate into their special mugs.
Sam: Yum… Now I am getting warm Uncle Jim.
Paul: Thanks Uncle Jim.
I take the overflowing bowl of dough out of the refrigerator.
Sam: The dough is trying to escape Uncle Jim.
Me: Where do you think it is trying to escape to, Sam?
Sam: My stomach!
Paul: Sam! (sighs)
Me: We are going to need to roll out the dough to a big rectangle. What do we do first?
Paul: I know. We sprinkle flour on the baking sheet so it will not stick.
Me: That is right.
Sam: I will do it.
Sam sprinkles flour all over the baking sheet.
Paul: Now can I dump the dough on the baking sheet?
Me: Yes, that would be great. Perhaps you can then roll it in the flour so it is all covered.
That is great.
Sam, do you want to take the first turn with the rolling pin?
Sam: Okay. This is hard Uncle Jim. Paul your turn.
Paul: Okay. A rectangle Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, almost as big as the baking sheet. Here we may need some more flour on the top.
Using my hand, I sprinkle a bit more flour on the dough.
Paul you are doing a fantastic job! That looks good. Now what comes next?
Sam: I know. The butter.
Me: (I was clearly impressed that she remembered.) Here is the melted butter and here are the paint brushes. You can both paint on butter.
Paul and Sam each take a pastry brush and begin to cover the dough with butter.
Me: Now what?
Paul: The cinnamon. Shall I sprinkle it Uncle Jim?
Me: That would be great. You are both doing a terrific job! Did we also want to add raisins?
Sam: Yes, please. Can I do it?
I retrieve the box of raisins and hand it to Sam. Sam begins to add the raisins.
Me: Not too many Sam. Okay we are ready to roll it now. Sam how about you get in the middle. Paul will get on one end and I will get on the other end.
We begin to roll more or less at the same speed. Obviously it does not need to be perfect.
I pinch the edges and ends together and then use a sharp knife to cut it. Earlier I had greased the two round cake pans.
Okay now we need to be careful and place them in the pans.
When we are finished I cover the pans with a damp cloth.
Me: While those are rising let’s have our oatmeal. Who wants blueberries on their oatmeal?
Paul: Me please.
Sam: Me too.
I dish out the oatmeal and place the bowls on the table where I have already set out the cloth napkins and the spoons. I then set out the blueberry bowl with a big spoon in it.
Sam: Yummy Uncle Jim.
Me: Thanks.
Paul: Uncle Jim, the other day this woman came to class to talk about meditate… Oh! Meditat …
Me: Meditation.
Paul: Yes. That was it . She talked to us about how to use it when we worry about a test or something.
Sam: What is meta…
Me: Here, lets write it on the board. Meditation.
Sam: What does it mean Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, Sam, you know how we just used bowls, brushes, a rolling pin, and a knife to make the cinnamon rolls. We could call those tools – kitchen tools.
Sam: Yes.
Me: Well, we can also have tools to help us quit worrying except now the tool is not something we see but a mind tool to help us relax and quit worrying.
Sam: I hate to worry.
Paul: Sometimes I worry about a test or whether I am going to do okay on the soccer team and then I cannot sleep.
Sam: Sometimes I see something on the television and then I worry that something is going to happen to mom or dad.
Me: Yes, we can all have a lot of thoughts, can’t we? Let’s see. How about we make the banana the worry thought and the apple the thought we have in response to the worry. For example, if I say I am worried about whether the cinnamon rolls will rise, that is the banana. Then another part of my mind might think, “Yes, you probably forget to put in an ingredient or the yeast is not good or they will not taste good.” That is the apple talking to the banana. Let’s take the example of you, Paul, worrying about a test.
The banana: You are going to flunk the exam.
The apple: You are right. I probably did not study enough.
The banana: You are not as smart as the others in your class.
The apple: I know. I wish I was smart.
Paul: That sounds just like my mind Uncle Jim.
Sam: Me too. I have a lot of bananas and apples in my mind Uncle Jim.
Me: We all do. Let’s imagine another way for the apple to respond to the banana, but first I think we can turn the oven on. (I turn the oven on.) In a couple of minutes we can put the cinnamon rolls in.
Banana: You are going to flunk the exam Paul.
Apple: Hi Banana. I notice you are trying to scare me.
Banana: You are really dumb.
Apple. Hmmm It is interesting that the banana is trying to convince my apple that it is dumb.
Sam: Uncle Jim, the oven just dinged.
Me: Oh, let’s put the rolls in the oven. Let’s set the alarm for ten minutes.
Paul: I can do that.
Me: Okay. Thanks Paul. I hand him the phone.
Sam: I cannot wait!
Me: Me either. Let’s get back to the example.
Sam: This is silly uncle Jim. We don’t have apples and banana in our head.
Me: No we don’t, but we do have worry thoughts and then thoughts in response to the worry thoughts.
Paul: I think I understand Uncle Jim. Sometimes I worry and then I believe that I really am going to fail the exam which makes me feel worse.
Me: Yes, that is right Paul. Then if I keep telling myself that I am going to do poorly, what do you think happens Paul?
Paul: Mom and dad say that if we tell ourselves we are going to fail, we will probably fail.
Me: So if we think that we cannot do something we will give up easily and also be more focused on failing than on doing the work.
Sam: Uncle Jim you are always telling me that I can do something even if I cannot do it well at first.
Me: That is right Sam. When the worry about failing comes along we try anyway. We don’t know if we can do something or not. Remember the first piano lesson you had Sam?
Paul: I do. Sam went bang, bang, bang.
Sam: I did Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, but then you practiced and practiced and pretty soon you were making music.
Sam: Yes, you kept saying that none of us could play the first time we tried. We just did not pay much attention to the voice that said I could not do it.
Me: That is right Sam. We just notice the thought instead of letting it convince us we cannot learn to play.
Paul: Oh, I get it Uncle Jim. So when the banana – the voice which says I am dumb and I am going to fail the exam – begins to speak, I usually agree with it or sometimes argue with it. You are suggesting that I just notice the thought.
Me: That is right. That is what scientists do, right Paul and Sam? They just notice what is happening or what seems to be happening. For example, I notice that the rolls are smelling really good.
Ring!
Sam: They are done uncle Jim.
Me: Let’s check. Well they certainly look done.
I take them out and set them on the rack. We need to let them cool a little before we frost them and eat them.
Here, let’s quickly mix the frosting.
I put the softened butter, vanilla, the milk, and the powdered sugar in the bowl.
Paul: I can mix that up Uncle Jim.
Me: Great. Thanks Paul. I hand him the spoon.
I then take and put ½ of the frosting in another bowl.
Paul: They smell really good Uncle Jim.
Sam: Yes, I want one right now, but I do not want to burn my mouth. Then I could not talk!
Paul: That would be too bad!
Me: Paul.
Paul: Okay. I am sorry I said that Sam.
Paul: So the woman who came to class was trying to tell us that we should just observe the thought and not argue with it or agree with it. Why didn’t she just say than Uncle Jim?
Me: She probably did Paul, but when I am learning something new I may need to hear it said many times before I really understand.
Me: (I notice Sam is just smiling and seeming to stare out into space.) Sam, what are you thinking about?
Sam: I am just noticing the smell of the rolls, Uncle Jim.
Me: I think I can put them on these two plates. Then you two can frost them.
I hand each of them a cheese spreader which is good for putting on frosting. I take them, put them on the plates, and then give each a bowl of frosting and the spreader. They each begin to put frosting on a plate of rolls. In the meantime I get out three small plates and three glasses of milk.
That is great. Both of you did a terrific job! (I put a roll on each plate and set them on the table.)
Sam: This is so good Uncle Jim.
Paul: We did a good job Uncle Jim. We could open a bakery.
Me: We could do that. They really are good. We did do a good job.
Sam: Thanks uncle Jim.
Me: How about we go to the zoo after we clean up? It looks like it is warming up.
Paul: We can observe there can’t we?
Sam: I can observe too, Uncle Jim.
Me: We can. We can just notice what the animals are doing and we can share our observations.
Written February 8, 2016
Twelve-year-old Paul practices “just noticing”
Apparently the schools which my adopted 12-year-old nephew and six-year-old niece attend scheduled a teachers’ meeting for the day following the annual Super Bowl game. I am sure that many parents who stayed up to watch the game were not opposed to taking the day off or at least using the excuse of having to care for the children to treat themselves to a few extra winks. Unfortunately, I know that was not the case with the parents of Paul and Sam. I had gladly arranged my schedule so they could spend the day with me. I thought that perhaps we could begin the day by making homemade cinnamon rolls which we could eat with oatmeal. Sunday I had made up the refrigerator dough. It was rising over the top of the bowl this morning. This morning I had measured out the oats, milk, a little cinnamon and a little brown sugar. I also set out the frozen blueberries to thaw. After that I melted ½ cup of butter in the microwave. I also got out the other ingredients for the rolls and the frosting – powered sugar, butter to soften, vanilla extract, milk, and cinnamon. We would also need the pastry sheet, flour, and rolling pin.
I had decided earlier that since it is a cool morning I would make the hot chocolate and have it ready when they arrived.
I look across the way to the house next door and I see the kids bundle up in their coats and hats on this cool morning.
Me: Good morning. Burr…. You both look cold.
Paul: Not that cold Uncle Jim.
Sam: I am!
Me: Well, come on in and we will have a little hot chocolate before we start making the cinnamon rolls. How does that sound?
Paul: With marshmallows Uncle Jim?
Me: Of course! What would hot chocolate be without marshmallows?
Sam: I will get them Uncle Jim.
Sam gets the kitchen stool and climbs up to get them from the lower shelf.
Me: Paul, how about you put on your apron and help Sam with hers while I pour out the hot chocolate.
Paul: Okay uncle Jim.
They seem to be on their very best behavior so far this morning with none of the normal sibling rivalry. Perhaps it is the novelty of both spending the day with me. More often, except when I am with the entire family, I visit with one at a time so that each feels special.
I pour the hot chocolate into their special mugs.
Sam: Yum… Now I am getting warm Uncle Jim.
Paul: Thanks Uncle Jim.
I take the overflowing bowl of dough out of the refrigerator.
Sam: The dough is trying to escape Uncle Jim.
Me: Where do you think it is trying to escape to, Sam?
Sam: My stomach!
Paul: Sam! (sighs)
Me: We are going to need to roll out the dough to a big rectangle. What do we do first?
Paul: I know. We sprinkle flour on the baking sheet so it will not stick.
Me: That is right.
Sam: I will do it.
Sam sprinkles flour all over the baking sheet.
Paul: Now can I dump the dough on the baking sheet?
Me: Yes, that would be great. Perhaps you can then roll it in the flour so it is all covered.
That is great.
Sam, do you want to take the first turn with the rolling pin?
Sam: Okay. This is hard Uncle Jim. Paul your turn.
Paul: Okay. A rectangle Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, almost as big as the baking sheet. Here we may need some more flour on the top.
Using my hand, I sprinkle a bit more flour on the dough.
Paul you are doing a fantastic job! That looks good. Now what comes next?
Sam: I know. The butter.
Me: (I was clearly impressed that she remembered.) Here is the melted butter and here are the paint brushes. You can both paint on butter.
Paul and Sam each take a pastry brush and begin to cover the dough with butter.
Me: Now what?
Paul: The cinnamon. Shall I sprinkle it Uncle Jim?
Me: That would be great. You are both doing a terrific job! Did we also want to add raisins?
Sam: Yes, please. Can I do it?
I retrieve the box of raisins and hand it to Sam. Sam begins to add the raisins.
Me: Not too many Sam. Okay we are ready to roll it now. Sam how about you get in the middle. Paul will get on one end and I will get on the other end.
We begin to roll more or less at the same speed. Obviously it does not need to be perfect.
I pinch the edges and ends together and then use a sharp knife to cut it. Earlier I had greased the two round cake pans.
Okay now we need to be careful and place them in the pans.
When we are finished I cover the pans with a damp cloth.
Me: While those are rising let’s have our oatmeal. Who wants blueberries on their oatmeal?
Paul: Me please.
Sam: Me too.
I dish out the oatmeal and place the bowls on the table where I have already set out the cloth napkins and the spoons. I then set out the blueberry bowl with a big spoon in it.
Sam: Yummy Uncle Jim.
Me: Thanks.
Paul: Uncle Jim, the other day this woman came to class to talk about meditate… Oh! Meditat …
Me: Meditation.
Paul: Yes. That was it . She talked to us about how to use it when we worry about a test or something.
Sam: What is meta…
Me: Here, lets write it on the board. Meditation.
Sam: What does it mean Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, Sam, you know how we just used bowls, brushes, a rolling pin, and a knife to make the cinnamon rolls. We could call those tools – kitchen tools.
Sam: Yes.
Me: Well, we can also have tools to help us quit worrying except now the tool is not something we see but a mind tool to help us relax and quit worrying.
Sam: I hate to worry.
Paul: Sometimes I worry about a test or whether I am going to do okay on the soccer team and then I cannot sleep.
Sam: Sometimes I see something on the television and then I worry that something is going to happen to mom or dad.
Me: Yes, we can all have a lot of thoughts, can’t we? Let’s see. How about we make the banana the worry thought and the apple the thought we have in response to the worry. For example, if I say I am worried about whether the cinnamon rolls will rise, that is the banana. Then another part of my mind might think, “Yes, you probably forget to put in an ingredient or the yeast is not good or they will not taste good.” That is the apple talking to the banana. Let’s take the example of you, Paul, worrying about a test.
The banana: You are going to flunk the exam.
The apple: You are right. I probably did not study enough.
The banana: You are not as smart as the others in your class.
The apple: I know. I wish I was smart.
Paul: That sounds just like my mind Uncle Jim.
Sam: Me too. I have a lot of bananas and apples in my mind Uncle Jim.
Me: We all do. Let’s imagine another way for the apple to respond to the banana, but first I think we can turn the oven on. (I turn the oven on.) In a couple of minutes we can put the cinnamon rolls in.
Banana: You are going to flunk the exam Paul.
Apple: Hi Banana. I notice you are trying to scare me.
Banana: You are really dumb.
Apple. Hmmm It is interesting that the banana is trying to convince my apple that it is dumb.
Sam: Uncle Jim, the oven just dinged.
Me: Oh, let’s put the rolls in the oven. Let’s set the alarm for ten minutes.
Paul: I can do that.
Me: Okay. Thanks Paul. I hand him the phone.
Sam: I cannot wait!
Me: Me either. Let’s get back to the example.
Sam: This is silly uncle Jim. We don’t have apples and banana in our head.
Me: No we don’t, but we do have worry thoughts and then thoughts in response to the worry thoughts.
Paul: I think I understand Uncle Jim. Sometimes I worry and then I believe that I really am going to fail the exam which makes me feel worse.
Me: Yes, that is right Paul. Then if I keep telling myself that I am going to do poorly, what do you think happens Paul?
Paul: Mom and dad say that if we tell ourselves we are going to fail, we will probably fail.
Me: So if we think that we cannot do something we will give up easily and also be more focused on failing than on doing the work.
Sam: Uncle Jim you are always telling me that I can do something even if I cannot do it well at first.
Me: That is right Sam. When the worry about failing comes along we try anyway. We don’t know if we can do something or not. Remember the first piano lesson you had Sam?
Paul: I do. Sam went bang, bang, bang.
Sam: I did Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, but then you practiced and practiced and pretty soon you were making music.
Sam: Yes, you kept saying that none of us could play the first time we tried. We just did not pay much attention to the voice that said I could not do it.
Me: That is right Sam. We just notice the thought instead of letting it convince us we cannot learn to play.
Paul: Oh, I get it Uncle Jim. So when the banana – the voice which says I am dumb and I am going to fail the exam – begins to speak, I usually agree with it or sometimes argue with it. You are suggesting that I just notice the thought.
Me: That is right. That is what scientists do, right Paul and Sam? They just notice what is happening or what seems to be happening. For example, I notice that the rolls are smelling really good.
Ring!
Sam: They are done uncle Jim.
Me: Let’s check. Well they certainly look done.
I take them out and set them on the rack. We need to let them cool a little before we frost them and eat them.
Here, let’s quickly mix the frosting.
I put the softened butter, vanilla, the milk, and the powdered sugar in the bowl.
Paul: I can mix that up Uncle Jim.
Me: Great. Thanks Paul. I hand him the spoon.
I then take and put ½ of the frosting in another bowl.
Paul: They smell really good Uncle Jim.
Sam: Yes, I want one right now, but I do not want to burn my mouth. Then I could not talk!
Paul: That would be too bad!
Me: Paul.
Paul: Okay. I am sorry I said that Sam.
Paul: So the woman who came to class was trying to tell us that we should just observe the thought and not argue with it or agree with it. Why didn’t she just say than Uncle Jim?
Me: She probably did Paul, but when I am learning something new I may need to hear it said many times before I really understand.
Me: (I notice Sam is just smiling and seeming to stare out into space.) Sam, what are you thinking about?
Sam: I am just noticing the smell of the rolls, Uncle Jim.
Me: I think I can put them on these two plates. Then you two can frost them.
I hand each of them a cheese spreader which is good for putting on frosting. I take them, put them on the plates, and then give each a bowl of frosting and the spreader. They each begin to put frosting on a plate of rolls. In the meantime I get out three small plates and three glasses of milk.
That is great. Both of you did a terrific job! (I put a roll on each plate and set them on the table.)
Sam: This is so good Uncle Jim.
Paul: We did a good job Uncle Jim. We could open a bakery.
Me: We could do that. They really are good. We did do a good job.
Sam: Thanks uncle Jim.
Me: How about we go to the zoo after we clean up? It looks like it is warming up.
Paul: We can observe there can’t we?
Sam: I can observe too, Uncle Jim.
Me: We can. We can just notice what the animals are doing and we can share our observations.
Written February 8, 2016
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